Letting Go

[Penny2902]

How do you let someone you love go? He was my boyfriend and my best friend for 5 years. I know I need to move on because he does not reciprocate my feelings but every time I think I’ve moved on he pulls me back in. I want someone to share my life with and I know it’s this need that pulls me back to him every time. Any help or words of advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Hidden]

In my experience you need to cut ties completely. It gives you both time to let things settle. After that you could be friends but not straight away. I hope this helps.

[Penny2902 in reply to Hidden]

I know you are right! It’s just so hard to let someone who has helped you through so much go.

[Weelon]

Hi Penny2902, Gsp is right. You need to let him go & try to move on. Things will get easier in time. Do something to keep your mind occupied. You will get through this.

[Penny2902 in reply to Weelon]

Thank you so much. I know it’s for the best, just hard.

[AnxiousCanadianChic]

I was the same with my ex hubby. We were young and would fight, he’d leave. I would be devastated, cry tons and then 3 weeks later he’d be back. After the 3rd time I said this is it, if you walk out that door, you won’t be coming back. He left. He then started calling me after a week and I told him to stop calling, my heart can’t keep dealing with this and told him if he didn’t stop, I’d have to get a restraining order. I had a hell of a time, it took me forever to get over him, in fact I’m not 100% over home and it’s been 17 years! I think if I was to fall madly in love again it would fine but sadly I “settled “ for someone I don’t love and am stuck.

Get away but just don’t make the same mistake I did and settle for someone just to not feel alone.

[Penny2902 in reply to AnxiousCanadianChic]

Thank you so much for sharing this. It’s nice knowing I’m not going through this alone and I praise you for being strong enough to tell him to stay gone!

[ongaku666]

what do you mean by "he pulls me back in"?

Tbh everyone will find their own way to move on: some people move on by cutting ties at first (as said above), others instead will move on slowly while still keeping in touch and staying connected. It really depends how the both of you are coping.

The more time you've spent with someone and the stronger the bond, the longer it'll take to move on. BUT the idea is that you are now going to focus on yourself and the things/people you love; you will give him and yourself space to flourish independently, because co-dependency is still very much in your head. It'll be hard for a while, take your time and see what you really want for yourself.

Some people prefer to actively start finding someone else immediately, others will wait and regroup with themselves till they feel confident again.

All in all, make sure you both have agreed to split and respect the boundaries necessary to heal both your hearts, otherwise you'll keep hurting each other.