Advice

[AlexisKY]

Hi guys, my boyfriend of 2+ years, broke up with me today.

I’ll try to keep this as short as possible;

But I had lied about something pretty much our entire time we’ve dated (not related to infidelity, or anything like that, I’d never!!!) but it was pretty serious.

Today, I told him the truth finally. I broke down, apologizing, and told him the truth. Truly, I didn’t tell him because I was scared of what his reaction would be, which is why I never told him to begin with. I was honest about the situation, and apologized immensely, swearing to never lie about something like that again (and I mean it)

At first, he was upset, and said he wanted time apart to think of the situation, being the anxiety driven person I am - called him in a frenzy freaking out, to which he ended up just getting mad over the phone, and saying he was completely done with me, and that he never wants to ever get back together (and maybe never talk to me again)

TLDR; What do I do now? How to I move on from this? I feel awful for had lying to him, but I truly have been trying to be a better person lately, and have been opening up and being honest about everything else in my life. I sincerely feel like this is just going to turn into a depressive state for me.

Any advice is appreciated.

[Afaaf]

As someone who is going through a breakup right now ,from my experience ,u have to allow the emotions to come up and let be ,be understanding of yourself .At least u were honest with him finally ,u can only control yourself tbh even when all u want to do may be get him to come back to u .

Try to do one self care a day so as to not neglect yourself

Lastly ,it will get better dear trust me ,at first I thought my whole world was crumbling and I resisted a lot but it gets better.

Sending u love and hugs❤️

Take care

[AlexisKY in reply to Afaaf]

Thank you, sending them to you too. It’s definitely not easy, and I truly resent myself for the mistake that I’ve made.

[Afaaf in reply to AlexisKY]

U just made a mistake ,u are human ,u were honest with him at the end ,if he couldn’t give u another chance or may be understand your reason of choosing not to share then it is his decision ,u can’t control him nor his reactions ,Remember ,u are only responsible for u and your actions .Please be kind to yourself like u would a child who made a mistake .

[Hidden]

I can say that you are well on your way to bettering yourself. You did the hard thing by being honest. So you should be very proud of yourself for that. For right now I would say leave things as they are. Work on you. I know this is much easier said than done, I am 10 months out from my break up with my ex and I still can't let go of anything. It's a constant struggle for me. But you can't change what happened. Maybe in the future things will change. But for right now the one thing you have power over is yourself so do your best to take care of you. Feel what you need to feel. Don't shame yourself for feeling the way you do. And just take it in the waves it comes in. I am sorry you are going through this.

[AlexisKY in reply to Hidden]

I’m definitely trying, I believe in my heart that it was the right thing to do, and I hate that I had lied to him, I just wish things could’ve ended differently, or I would’ve told him much sooner than I had now, and I should’ve been honest from the start. I just feel like such a horrible person.

[Hidden in reply to AlexisKY]

I get it. I am dealing with something similar. I did bad things in my relationship too. It's hard to forgive yourself. But if you do truly feel remorseful for the wrongs you have done and do take the time to work on yourself then it will work out. I know the feelings of guilt and the pain you are experiencing well. It will hurt for a long time, especially if you really cared about this person. Take the waves as they come. Learn from your mistakes and be a better you so that you will be able to have the relationship you wished this one could have been. I know it's much easier said than done, but it is the only way forward. Staying stuck in regret and guilt only destroys you further. Trust me I also know the truth of this from experience. I live in my regrets daily.

[AlexisKY in reply to Hidden]

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve dealt with similar stories. The guilt definitely was unbearable for me, and I couldn’t live with it anymore. That’s why I told the truth, and I’ve been telling the truth about everything else as well. I hope I can forgive myself someday like you’ve said. I hope you’ve forgiven yourself as well

[Hidden in reply to AlexisKY]

I am far from forgiving myself. I learned today I am much farther away then I thought. But I am working towards it. It is incredibly hard. I have made horrible mistakes in my life. So one day I hope to overcome things and better myself to the point where I can also be in a happy relationship because that would be nice. I think you will be okay. It just takes time. You have to put the work in to see results and that is the thing it's going to hurt until it doesn't. And that can vary from person to person. I have been at this for nearly a year and I am still no closer to my goal. But that is okay because I am moving at my speed. Move at the speed that is right for you and just keep working on yourself. You deserve to have better. And you deserve to be better.

[hypercat54]

It is much better to tell the truth as this is very freeing and puts the ball into someone else's court.

[AlexisKY in reply to hypercat54]

I understand, just wish it didn’t have to end this way.

[hypercat54 in reply to AlexisKY]

Yes I get that. However it's obviously come as a huge shock to him so give it time and he may decide that he can live with it and come back to you.

The main thing with making mistakes is that we learn from them for the future and try not to repeat them. We are all human and we mess things us up all the time don't we. As my old granny would have said 'There's nowt so queer as folk'.

Those who don't learn will keep making the same mistakes over and over and will never get anywhere. You have learnt so that is a big plus. Well done.

[AlexisKY]

I guess I understand where he’s coming from, as it was pretty serious, I just hope one day he forgives me (even if we never talk again) and that one day I can forgive myself too. I’m not AS upset that we’re broken up (although it hurts) I’m more so upset for lying and hurting him. I’ve never wanted to do that to him

[AnxietyBucket]

At the end of the day, you did what was right and told him the truth. The only control you have over difficult situations is your own actions. You may have made a mistake keeping it from him for so long, but that’s in the past and you can’t change it. Learn and keep moving. I won’t lie to you and say it will get better overnight, but over time you’ll grow wiser and learn how to maintain healthy relationships. Don’t beat yourself up over this. You know your intentions with the apology and that’s all that matters. Take small steps forward and live your life. If he’s meant to come back, he will. Hugs.