I am practicing strength And healing

[Starrlight]

To be honest Part of me doesn’t want to live as it’s too painful ...except to be with my children... I know they need me... if they were not alive I wouldn’t be either.

They are beautiful beautiful amazing wise souls full of love peace joy perfection of angels who deserve the very best which is what I strive to give. I try but.... I’m in a bad spot. My family mean everything to me and is now changing and it’s sad and scary. Seems it will only get messier, this sadness in my life...love them so much but feel guilty for not engaging closer with them sometimes. Im in too much pain at times to focus. I’m a very good mom. I do my best. I push myself for them. They are teaching me as I’m teaching them.

There are things that I just don’t know how to deal with yet right now that get in the way of my happiness. I want to be better. I feel like I’m trapped. So I will go with the flow like nature does and do the best I can from hour to hour or even minute by minute. I am so so saddened and it feels like part of me is dying which could be okay since hurting is good sometimes I just feel I’ve had enough of it and I wish the rest would change like a caterpillar Into a beautiful butterfly so the other part didn’t have to die too.

* I’m am healing , healing at the same time as I’m taking in all this pain I am coming to understand,... and it’s confusing to know what to focus on. *

..but I’ll get it ...

Change can be good. I need all the strength I can get so if any one has things that helped them to heal While remaining strong in the middle of a crisis please share.

❤️

If you pray please say one for me or a good vibe my way and I will for you as well. ❤️

[JordynMarie]

Hello,

I read your post and I can't imagine how hard this feeling is. I am not a mom, but I know that it takes a lot of strength and love to be a parent. You obviously care about your children very much and sometimes life is just extremely hard. I know that you may be putting yourself down because you don't feel like you are giving them your all, but you are!!! You are dealing with mental health issues and still continuing to push yourself to be a mother to your children. Do not lose sight of how strong you are! I know that times may be tough, but God is here to comfort you and help you get through whatever it is you may be struggling with. I know that when my anxiety was really bad, I sometimes thought that my only escape was death, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You just have to stay strong! Love and prayers from OHIO!

[Starrlight in reply to JordynMarie]

Thank you soooooo 🙏 😊 love ❤️ and prayers to you too. I want to feel closer to God like in the past when I prayed constantly and i really felt comforted especially in strange times but now I don’t even know if He is here for me at all, it just doesn’t feel like it. Well I’ll keep trying to do all that seems I should do to remain strong. Thank you you lifted the weight some. I’ve been dealing with a family problem for so long and I just have had it! I am tired and not sure what to do so I will continue to pray.

[Agora1]

Dearest Starrlight, I'm sending a first ever Virtual Bouquet of Hope to you x

The vase is sprinkled with glistening stars followed by a bouquet of Hugs and

Angel Wings to remind you in how blessed you are. Little LED lights strung

between the angel wings reminding you that your children are your guiding

light. Colored ribbons representing your children, tied to a Balloon that

says "Best Mom Ever"...

The card enclosed is from "me", Agora, with a saying that I want you to remember....

"Fate whispers to the Warrior...You cannot withstand the storm...And the Warrior

whispers back "I am the Storm" Stay Strong xx

[Starrlight in reply to Agora1]

Are you trying to make me cry!? Thank you soooooo! I have some books I write in and one special little leather one for only the most special words and there is where I will place the saying. I am trying so hard since I need to succeed and so I will. Thanks beautiful Agora!

[Agora1 in reply to Starrlight]

Starrlight, I saw that saying the other day and like you wrote it down

It gave me chills when I first read it. I saved it for a special someone

who was "You". xx

[Starrlight in reply to Agora1]

How special that is. And how special you are. And I muster up the strength to say how special I am too. 😊

[Agora1 in reply to Starrlight]

Right on Starrlight : ) xx

[Starrlight in reply to Agora1]

🥰 thanks

[Ddorne]

Starrlight, you are doing a great job! I too have to push myself to climb through all the ins and outs of life. I have to go back to work next week and I’m scared. I was staying with my sister and brother in law and now have to go back to my solitary apartment. I don’t want to get depressed.

I’ll pray for you. And as some Saint said “ pray how you can”, don’t over think it.

Liti

[Starrlight in reply to Ddorne]

Thank you soooo! I’ll pray for you right now. I hope and pray things will work out as will be best for you. Right now my situation is bad, maybe similar to how you see yours as well, but hopefully God has planned it out so that we are getting the best out of what is scary, what is sad to us, maybe we are being prepared for something great. I don’t know how but hope I suddenly find as I feel hopeless so maybe having some little bit of hope is a gift. Let’s be on the lookout for our gifts. I see that you are blessed with gifts like your caring nature. I will be cheering you on and hoping for your happiness that you deserve.

[Ddorne in reply to Starrlight]

Thank you, nicely said

[SarcasmIsFun]

Wow, your thoughts are damn near parallel to mine about living for my children. Except I am a very poor excuse for a mom. I also get very weak at times and feel a little resentful toward the people who love me because it means I have to stick around. I could have been done with this half assed lived existence of mine.

[Starrlight in reply to SarcasmIsFun]

I’m glad you are living. You are your childrens’ beautiful world.

What do you want your life to be like if you were to have other options? I sometimes wish I could die too but if I could save myself from the anxiety and ocd bipolar PTSD depression, I wouldn’t want to die any longer ... I have had glimpses of wanting to live.