To be honest Part of me doesn’t want to live as it’s too painful ...except to be with my children... I know they need me... if they were not alive I wouldn’t be either.
They are beautiful beautiful amazing wise souls full of love peace joy perfection of angels who deserve the very best which is what I strive to give. I try but.... I’m in a bad spot. My family mean everything to me and is now changing and it’s sad and scary. Seems it will only get messier, this sadness in my life...love them so much but feel guilty for not engaging closer with them sometimes. Im in too much pain at times to focus. I’m a very good mom. I do my best. I push myself for them. They are teaching me as I’m teaching them.
There are things that I just don’t know how to deal with yet right now that get in the way of my happiness. I want to be better. I feel like I’m trapped. So I will go with the flow like nature does and do the best I can from hour to hour or even minute by minute. I am so so saddened and it feels like part of me is dying which could be okay since hurting is good sometimes I just feel I’ve had enough of it and I wish the rest would change like a caterpillar Into a beautiful butterfly so the other part didn’t have to die too.
* I’m am healing , healing at the same time as I’m taking in all this pain I am coming to understand,... and it’s confusing to know what to focus on. *
..but I’ll get it ...
Change can be good. I need all the strength I can get so if any one has things that helped them to heal While remaining strong in the middle of a crisis please share.
If you pray please say one for me or a good vibe my way and I will for you as well. ❤️