I wish I could just hug/hold you beautiful Starrlight. Those of us who have had those thoughts know how you feel. I know it's hard... but I also know how strong you are, how much you are loved. I am here for you... always.🫂🕊💗
The lithium thing sounds bad. It's just a medicine thing! No matter what it makes you feel like, it's just the meds talking for the next short while!
When I was going through turmoil due to changing medicine I "took the keys away from me." I did not have permission to make any decisions or change anything until I stabilized. It's kind of a relief to know that I'm absolved of having to fix anything when I know for a fact my medicine is f*cking with me. It sounds like that's what you are doing, too. You're on vacation -- convalescing in an old-fashioned sanatorium -- and taking a well-deserved break from trying to change anything while you wait for the meds to sort themselves.
Everyone, thank you. ❤️ It’s not just the Lithium. It’s my life. My kids are the blessings that keep any good in me. When they grow up I will vanish. I will maybe be okay by myself but I may not be anything special to anyone then. That’s okay I guess. It’s just that I’m realizing that if that’s true then Tthat applies now. Why try so hard to be loved then? I’m just gonna be who I am and stop trying. Stop trying to be what I think I once thought I wanted to be. I’m done. I think I’ve gotten to the point where I no longer care about what I others, maybe even not soooo much of what even I, think of me. Maybe this is a new beginning , not end.
Please try writing a card to st Judes kids. When ur kids are grown unwill not vanish u will be the rescuer for a cause and reinvent yourself and make a big difference or help at food banks or hundreds of ways u will make an impact. The torture is real but u will get through it. Easy for me to say I know. All these people love u ur kids neeeeeeeeeeerereeerrdc. U. Allllll the people here
Neeeeeeeeeeerereedc. U
The people in ur future that u will help and champion. Neeeeeed u. Ur future will get better and u will be there. For countless others
Starrlight I feel for you, from the posts you've made I can tell you really struggle sometimes (maybe all the time). I wish there were easy answers, that making an effort, even if you fail on occasion, could somehow work out to a point where you're okay with where you are at. Some days, I wish not caring and having the option to skip some of the nonsense without it being a life or death decision could be a decision. I wish there were enough good days for you to make it all seem worthwhile.
For me when I’m in a beautiful spot I forget and I think this is forever this is it and when im in a bad place it just goes on and on and I think this is what’s real and true I must find a way to end it I cannot keep living... I had a period of about 5 months where I was stable and happy and fine and now I’m sinking... it’s sad because when people in my home are down I am the one making sure I do all I can for them but when I have trouble I see there is no one there for me. Really makes me think.
You are there for us! I hope we are there for you. That feeling of sinking ... it sounds like you have so much responsibility on your shoulders. Have you disappointed anyone lately? (I highly recommend it.🥳). Do you feel like you’re letting people down by taking time for yourself?
I don’t feel like I’m letting people down cause I do it all and if I’m not feeling well I think they should be helping but they don’t and that’s on them not me.
That reminds me of one of my friends, he has bipolar disorder so his highs are great and his lows completely lack hope or meaning. I wish I knew what to say to people in those situations, other than that there have been good times and there's sure to be more in the future. He is always helping people, he gives so much of himself and seems unable (or unwilling) to reach out when times get tough. I wish I knew what to say in those times, to him or you or even myself... everything can sound so cheap and insincere when you're in a bad place.
The potential exists for there to be good times ahead and with such a huge population we shouldn't have to be alone. The tools for help exist, but too often things just don't seem to click.
If nothing else, know you are heard and you are not truly alone in life.
Art therapy is very healing. Your an artist. Maybe make cookies and decorate them with your angels. And weekly or daily incorporate your art work into your daily activities. You matter. Your needed. People care about you. The light will slowly flicker in as you laugh at yourself, daily moments, funny video’s, and at life’s mistakes. We just need a flicker of light to let it in. Funny videos help me because I laugh at these cats or animals doing silly things. I don’t even know why I am laughing because it is so stupid lol but it’s funny hahaha I laugh again. Silly kitty
This is from everyone. Fifty trillion love shots. Everyone and I mean everyone. I know these people they loooove u and feeeeel for u soooooo much. They know ur going theoughuuuugh. U will be such a champion for others in your own time and way
Alllll these people did it for me. U have massive potential to help others. This terrible time. Will pass. They looove u soooo much
You’re awesome. Sure. Well it’s morning now I just woke up and I always go for a walk and I feel I may let myself down if I don’t and something happened this morning that pissed me off and made me feel unsettled too
I can’t talk about it. It’s too much for me to open up about. Thanks though.
Hey hey yo fren ...I’m not telling you what to do, but I would imagine your mind is going to challenge the fugh out of your toughness dropping meds so quick. Been there done that. Having a hard time myself thinking of death as an answer any time the fucking wind blows.
Stay strong for those kids.
Breathe when the ball in your throat disappears for a few minutes right?
It’s so hard....I wish you such strength and best wishes.
Yes I’m there now it’s like I know I’m protected and being guided but I still suffer. I don’t know how to stop suffering. I’m going on a walk to the park soon maybe that will help get the cortisol out plus I feel connection to God in nature.
Uuuuuuuugh fifty thousand. Ariable trenty nine thousand pages of records mars. Murphy Sindhis laws Doc th i on as admin. Codes. Insurance legal. Meat grinder. H th haysfirst give min
Uuuuuugh.
Only nurses an endure that living hello
Most of the th imetgey think I’m messing with them. And get mad
Hello starrlight, its madness isn't it . I tohave felt like this though out my entire life . Mental health issues run in my family from grandparents , parents brothers, where one of my brothers exceeded in taking his own life . The devastationthat was left behind was unbearable at times . I envied him so much as only two years prior I had tried. I had two children who I love more than anything or any one , yet I to was willing to leave them ... and yet nearly 30 years on I tried it again only last August. but this time it all but worked scared the hell out of me yet at the same time I still don't always want to be here. I have 6 beautiful reasons to stay four daughters two fantastic grandchildren. But though it all I have learnt know man or woman .. nothing is worth ending my / are lifes for . Time dose pass and with help I / we can heal or at least find peace . One day at a time softly and slow... here if you need. Take care 🙂
God has a plan for us all to seek him and talk to him and he will bring a cure to you. He did me. I am still terminal with liver cancer but mentally clear as a whistle. He loves you and wants you to accept Him and ask his forgiveness. This allows you to go to Heaven where there is no longer pain and fear.
I believe in God and connect with Him but not everyone’s lives are meant to be as the next person’s sitting next to you. That’s how I see it. Everyone has a unique journey.
It can really help to be expressive sometimes. Remember bad times don`t last forever. They are like passing clouds in the sky. You can get through this you know you can. Others have done it and you can too. Sending you my good wishes. x
My first day on here and honestly I am very uncomfortable. Then I read your post. Feels like you crawled inside my head and pulled out my inner thoughts.
Dear - I do not know you. I understand medication, but I would not be so bold as to say I understand how you are feeling because I can't feel it for you. I will say - you have someone here to travel that road with you.
I understand the fear and strain that goes with the feeling of attaching your very existence to the life and ability to thrive of your children. It is rewarding and draining, it is fulfilling and depleting. It feels selfish to want to scream "WHAT ABOUT ME?" Somehow at the end of the day, after you have created these little amazing lives, and then made those lives so amazing, you got lost. The expectations began to build up until you just disappeared. I try to rationalize or justify what is going on and why I am treated this way, it seems to make it worse. It sounds like you have suffered this loss of self-esteem too.
Bright Starrlight. They can only shine because you blessed them with your light. You take away their shadows and give them the gift of the sun. If there is a way to reignite your light ... find it. Steal away some time to find what makes you smile again. Even if that is only a few minutes a day at first. Recharge your battery. 💖
Kylost you are so so so so beautiful thank you I especially love... you take away your shadows and give them the gift of the sun... how perfectly beautiful....
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xx
I’m in a serious dark place
I’m tired 
i think I’m lost 
Finally admitted the bad, ugly, sad path to realizing I messed up and needed help.... 
