In a funk

[BrownEyesBlue]

I hate when I’m feeling SO good and then all of a sudden I get in a funk. I had a really good friend tell me today they were tired of hearing about my latest romantic tragedy.

I’m taking care of my Dad who is bed ridden and not well; not working at the moment; I have financial issues; depression and anxiety; and no one to really talk too. There’s just so much.

This latest guy really hurt me. I was so excited and hopeful. But the first time I messed up and made a mistake, he changed his mind. I was devastated. I blocked and deleted him. I’ve written about this before so I’m sure everyone is sick and tired of hearing it.

I always second guess myself; should I have blocked him? All that crap. I’m always willing to give someone a second chance even when they’ve hurt me so badly. Why am I like this? Why am I willing to let people who’ve hurt me continue to do so or even give them a second chance to do it?

I literally feel this heaviness in my chest. I’m tired of heartache and an actual pain in my heart. I honestly don’t even want to try anymore. And I have no one. Absolutely no one but myself to depend on.

The thoughts are really dark. I just want it all to stop.

And yes, I’ve talked to a counsellor and my doctor.

Any tips on how to just stop the obsessive thoughts? On how to let it go? I’m trying to heal; I really am. I did admit I sent this guy too many messages (21 over 24 hours; and I’m not trying to excuse my behaviour, I know it was wrong but I could see he read my messages and he didn’t respond or reply which just hurt and made me send more 🤦🏻‍♀️)

I just wish I wasn’t like this or that I wasn’t here at all.

[detour13]

Isnt it Ironic ?

We ignore those who adore us,

Adore those who ignore us,

Hurt those who love us and love those who hurt us!

[kvolm2016]

Seems like you definitely are carrying a lot of emotional stress right now based on everything going on in your life. Was this "sudden funk" a result of the friend's rejection or did it start with the relationship ending?

[BrownEyesBlue in reply to kvolm2016]

It was because this relationship made me feel hopeful and he just ended it over one mistake. It got me down on myself. Just felt like I couldn’t do anything right.

[kvolm2016 in reply to BrownEyesBlue]

It's hard for everyone to go from feeling hopeful to feeling rejected so it makes sense that you would be feeling so down right now. If you are feeling like this is a recurring pattern, would you consider talking with a counselor to get some help on figuring some of this out and being able to feel more hopeful again?

[BrownEyesBlue in reply to kvolm2016]

Yes I would. And I thank you for your understanding and kind response.

I’m working through it and feeling much better actually. Depression and anxiety are really tough. And I get really down; things trigger me. Thankfully I always get back up and remember who I am.

[kvolm2016 in reply to BrownEyesBlue]

I love to hear that you know you are resilient and that despite the truth that the depression and anxiety cycles are hard to manage, you can be successful in managing them!

[wantobefree]

Hi, I’m sorry you are feeling this way. I am going to tell you what I see/feel from what you have told us. It seems that you need others to validate who you are, and if that is what you are expecting then you are always going to get hurt. When you start seeing that you are valuable and powerful then you won’t need anyone to make you feel that. Your happiness is no one’s responsibility but your own. Once you realize this then you won’t give your power to anyone. If people can’t see how great you are then say bye, you don’t need to hate them, you can even forgive them, you just don’t need them to validate your greatness. So I suggest you look in the mirror, into your own eyes and tell yourself how awesome you are and that you love you! Practice doing this daily. It might feel fake at first, but soon it’ll be real. Once you learn to love yourself, you will attract people that will truly want to love you.

[BrownEyesBlue in reply to wantobefree]

No. I don’t need others to validate me. I need others to respect me and my feelings. I love myself and I look in the mirror every single day and tell myself “you’ve got this”. I believe people deserve second chances, even when they really don’t deserve it. And that trips me up sometimes.

Thank you got your response. I respect your opinion although I don’t necessarily agree. I have depression and anxiety and that just doesn’t go away; I deal with it every single day and sometimes things trigger me and I go into a depressed/anxious episode. That does not mean I don’t know I’m in charge of my happiness; that does not mean I need people to validate me because I don’t, I know who I am and what I’m worth. I vent on here because people understand and get it.

You can be confident and love yourself and not care what people think and still have depression and anxiety. There are things that WILL trigger you. Im allowed those moments.

[BrownEyesBlue in reply to BrownEyesBlue]

I value everyone’s opinion. I do not appreciate being diagnosed or analyzed though. At least that’s how it feels from this post. I’m working through therapy; I already have a therapist.

Luna_Child had on a post about what people say to you that’s upsetting. It’s a good post. You should read it 😊

[wantobefree in reply to BrownEyesBlue]

Oh I’m sorry you felt that I was judging you or giving you therapy. I was just giving you some suggestions, I was under the impression that you wanted advice and suggestions. You had many questions in your post which led me to believe you wanted some answers. Sorry if I misinterpreted. Anyway, I am glad you feel like you do not need anyone to validate you and that you do love yourself, that is awesome!! You asked why you had that obsessive behavior and you said you wanted tips so I just provided with an answer and with suggestions. I feel that most of us look outside for happiness, we look for others to make us feel happy. So I like to remind myself and others that our happiness is in our hands.

Anyway, I hope you feel better soon. And I wish you the best in your relationships. ❤️

[BrownEyesBlue in reply to wantobefree]

I understand. And as I said I value all opinions even if I don’t agree. You didn’t necessarily do anything wrong and maybe the way I interpreted it was wrong. I did ask for tips. You are correct. And thank you for taking the time to respond. I just wanted to state how I felt by reading your response.

[Hidden]

Hi, I'm not sure what to say to be helpful, but I'm totally in a funk too. It was a rainy and gloomy day where I live and I have some serious issues with both of my parents and I have trouble with severe depression and anxiety too. Sometimes I think maybe the best advice is just give yourself time to heal. If you need to have a good cry, just let it out. Then pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and realize that tomorrow is another day and that life goes on and there's a whole world of people out there you've never met yet. Take one day at a time. I'm not doing too great myself, I just try to find what gives me hope or inspires me.