Not motivated/in a funk

[Dahlia36]

Hello everyone. This is my first time posting and even joining a group like this. I have a lot of free time right now but don’t enjoy myself. I know it would be good for me to get out of the house or participate in hobbies but I don’t feel like it. Then I question if I’m just being lazy. I should be enjoying my free time but I spend the day passing time until my husband gets home. What do you guys do to get out of the funk? How do you make yourself do the things you know are good for you even when you really don’t feel like it?

I have suffered from anxiety for a long time and sought help for it because I had a panic attack on my way to school one day. Then shortly after that, in September, my mom unexpectedly died. I know I’m still dealing with the grief. I finished my degree to honor my mom and I passed all 4 of my board exams on the first try. While I should be happy about all of those things it’s bitter sweet because I’m sad that I can’t share these things with my mom. Now that I’ve graduated and haven’t started my new career yet, I don’t have a schedule. I never do well with not having a schedule and having all this free time to myself. I’m good about being disciplined with school and with work but I’m not so disciplined about self care goals. I had been going to Nar-Anon meetings because both of my parents suffered from substance abuse issues while I was growing up (first alcohol then opiates). Mom didn’t die of an overdose but the hard life she lived took a toll on her heart. I haven’t been to the Nar-anon meetings for 4-5 weeks because I was busy with school and sometimes it was hard to make myself go. It’s been 7, going on 8 months since Mom died. Some days are harder than others. I know it’s not healthy for me to isolate and spend time the way I have been. How do you do the things you know are healthy for you when you just don’t feel like doing anything? Do you feel better after you make yourself do things like go for a walk or other self care activities?

[JAYnLA]

Hi Dahlia - thanks for posting. I know firsthand that grief can aggravate your anxiety and motivation. My mom passed almost two years ago and about a year later my anxiety had escalated to life changing levels. I didn't make the association until I started going to a grief group and found out that this is one of the effects of grieving.

I also can promise from my own experience that if you make yourself do some of the things you're avoiding, you will feel better afterwards. I've found that I usually start to feel better about fifteen minutes into whatever it is that I'm nervous about doing. It's only the 'getting there' that worries me so much. Once I'm actually doing it things improve. Giving yourself these small success stories at your own pace will add up to eventual recovery. Stick with it but start small.

[Dahlia36 in reply to JAYnLA]

Thank you for your reply. I appreciate it. I’m really sorry about your mom. There are no words that are adequate but my heart goes out to you. Thank you also for the advice.

[SuZQ154]

Dear Dahlia, thank you for being so brave and honest in your posting. Grieving is a mysterious process, and a Christian counselor told me it comes out "sideways" when you least expect it. I understand your not being motivated to do anything. You have had so much happen.

I have been there following the break-up of my first marriage. The one "trick" I used to get myself to do something like exercise, go to a support group like Grief Share, or go out to dinner with a friend, was I would tell myself "Just get there and you can quit at anytime if it is too much." Inevitably, once I was at the place I was dreading to go, after ten minutes I was better and would stay. Hope this helps. And, please keep posting. WE are here for you.

[Dahlia36 in reply to SuZQ154]

Thank you! You’re so right that once you’re there you’re better and able to do it. My husband’s family lives here and we always get together for the holidays. After my mom died, I had a lot of anxiety and dreadful feelings towards going to these events (even though his family is extremely loving and understanding). I would make myself go anyways and ended up enjoying myself. There was a moment at one of the gatherings that a song that was playing hit me hard and I had to excuse myself. My husband was right there and we took a walk. All in all though, I always have a nice time with the family and feel silly afterwards for all the anxiety and dread I felt prior to going. Thank you for the advice and for your encouragement.

[SuZQ154 in reply to Dahlia36]

You're welcome. We are here for each other! I read an article recently which might help. bit.ly/2JIiinZ Praying for you today.