I just joined and it said to introduce myself. Generalized anxiety disorder and panic attacks since 1993

[Daveacr1959]

Hi all, 62 next month, married 41 years. A dad of 2 nurses and a grandpa. The biggest animal lover in the world. I have been battling anxiety my whole life. As a kid I was self medicating with football, hockey, baseball. It’s calmed me down. Jr high and high school I grew taller and thin . So I took up cross country running and skiing and track. This was all to produce endorphins that battle anxiety. I was doing all this and didn’t even know why. Got married had kids had a job I had to work 60-80 hours a week at or get fired . I had to give up the exercise and I ended up in the emergency room 3 times in 3 months. Generalized anxiety disorder and panic attacks. They tried every antidepressant made, one at a time. Didn’t work, because I had anxiety not depression. I made sure I got 5-6-7 hours of sleep each night and 45 minutes of cardio exercise daily. I was able to do ok with that and the klonopin and beta blocker since 1993. March of 2020 was diagnosed with cancer osteosarcoma in the sternum. Very rare disorder for anyone, but only 10 percent for my age above 60. I had to do the most powerful chemo made in the shortest time frame. Then they removed my sternum and rebuilt it with mesh and bone cement. I am in remission for a year now. But I can’t get over the fear of reoccurrence. I know I should be happy I’m in remission. I think I developed p t s d as the treatment was so harsh, and the after affects too. I am one of only 20 people per year that get this surgery, so it’s a life changing surgery. I have gone back to my go to (excercise )for anxiety. I am doing resistance bands weight training for the upper body and you tube aerobics or water aerobics for cardio. I used to swim a mile a day before the illness, can’t swim anymore. I want to help you if I can. And maybe you can help me, nobody else can. I tried counseling 10 times the past 3 months and not working. Thanks for sharing.

[b1b1b1]

A few questions. - which you do not need to answer if you don't want to. Are you happily married? Do you have a dog or other pets? Are you seeing a psychiatrist, not a counsellor? It seems to me that you always had a propensity toward anxiety which you were more or less able to manage, but that the cancer tripped you over the line. This is quite understandable, as it must be very difficult to always be concerned about a relapse.

I would speak to your oncologist about your anxiety. I don't know where you are, but I believe there are many support groups run by cancer hospitals for people in your situation. I would also see a psychiatrist and consider trying antidepressants again. It seems to me that your level of understandable anxiety may well be accompanied by some level of depression.

Exercise is good for general health, but, by itself is not enough to resolve your anxiety. Are you able to develop any other hobby that is calming. I am thinking of gardening (depending on where you live), volunteering in an animal shelter, joining a breed rescue society (I know these exist in the US,, but not sure about other places.) Also, keep posting about your feelings. xx

[Daveacr1959 in reply to b1b1b1]

I am happily married. I have a dog and cat. Yes cancer tripped me over the edge. I have tried the only cancer support group. It made it worse. I have tried every antidepressant in different doses 2-3 times.. at least 20 times total it’s not for me I’m not depressed I’m scared. Thanks

[Zhangliqun]

I am 57, have had GAD for at least 27 years, dysthymia all my life, and spikes of severe depression. No panic attacks, or at least not if I properly understand what one is.

Trazadone helps me A LOT at night. Have been on that for about 25 years and thank God it is not addictive -- the same dose still has the same effect. Just recently started duloxetine, which helps as a daytime anti-anxiety med. I don't know if you have tried either of these but if not, then needless to say, see the doc.

Very important also is your mindset. You have to not merely believe but know your state of anxiety is a lie. By this I don't mean that your psychiatric condition is phony or that you're making it up. Yours isn't, and neither is mine. Mental illness is a very real medical condition, every bit as real as your cancer or a broken leg. What I mean is that it is a lie that your (and my) anxiety is an accurate indicator of what's actually going on outside your head.

In my case I can be anxious about.........nothing. You have GAD too so you can relate. This doesn't mean it can't be made worse by external circumstances, like a cancer diagnosis, etc. But from the POV of this GAD beast, that's just gravy. It requires no external trigger to get going so my mind runs around trying to ascribe the anxiety to something and very often there's just nothing there. Once you get that it is not coming from an external trigger and get good at fighting it with forcing your mind onto calming things -- some of my favorites: pictures of fall foliage online, kittens and bunnies, visiting the hardware store that for me has such a constructive and positive vibe because of all the possibilities in there, or calming music like Pat Metheny "Always And Forever" (it's on youtube) -- you will be able to dodge the anxiety beast like a matador waving the cape in front of the bull.

But like a matador, sometimes you will still get gored. You just have to remember, again, that it is a lie and the spell will pass, the remembrance of which is calming in itself.

Hope at least some of this helps.

[Daveacr1959 in reply to Zhangliqun]

Good advice! Thanks

[Daveacr1959]

Maybe we can help each other. Can you please try jogging in place for 30 minutes? Or try some you tube aerobics? Try senior aerobics at first. Then move up if it’s too easy . Anxiety and panic are weakened by excercise or burning off steam

[EndUser13]

Hello and welcome, you've found a great place!It sounds like you've overcome quite a lot, I can see how knowing what life used to be like might make today more daunting. I like what you wrote about exercise as medication for anxiety- I need to follow your example.

I hope you keep giving different therapists a chance, when you find someone you can develop a good rapport with and speak naturally it can be incredibly beneficial. I've seen numerous therapists during my life but only a couple of them clicked with me. This is an important thing, so it's okay (perhaps good) to be picky here.

I wish you the best of luck in enduring and adapting to the challenges you face, you sound like a strong man.

[Daveacr1959 in reply to EndUser13]

Thanks for sharing and caring. Yes , excercise for those of us with anxiety is crucial. It burns off steam, forces you to breathe, and oxygenate the brain. But the most important thing is that it produces endorphins that battle anxiety and I heard depression too. I went to a zoo and saw a beautiful silverback gorilla. I could tell he was depressed and sad from being in the cage too long or just being in the cage. Some of the other animals that were meant to run full out on the open plains, were in too small an area. You can see the sadness and depression and anxiety in thier eyes Animals know how to excercise to help, they were all trying to exercise even the zebras and gorillas. Animals instinctively know. My 29 year old daughter had a hamster when she was a little girl. He ran on that wheel day and night to feel better. He had a hamster mansion lol tubes that led to another house etc, but I would hear him on that wheel in the middle of the night to get his endorphin fix.

I have only had therapy 2 times since 1993 when I was diagnosed with my anxiety disorder. I went to 2 different people 6 times each. One of the ladies was bi polar and she knew my problem was.. I’m searching for the right word.. organic vs man made.. nature vs nurture.. she knew I needed the meds .. the one I’ve been seeing for the cancer fear is not helping. It’s like alcoholic anonymous only someone in the same situation can help. I know worrying about it won’t fix it. But combine generalized anxiety disorder and panic attacks on top of it.. and.. well it is what it is.. I have a 50-50 chance they told me.. I made 15 months ok of remission.. once you make 3 years., your odds of making 5 go way up.. once you make 5 your odds of making 10 are way up.. I’m 62 next month and have lived a blessed life. I can handle it if it gets me. I’m just not ready to leave my family yet. I’m the patriarch.. lol

Like my 82 year old dad said.. you have to learn not to care.. he’s right.. it’s out of my hands.. eat good, get sleep and excercise.. and take it one day at a time.. being great full.. I’m getting ready to do my upper body resistance bands weight training.. then I will go in the pool for an hour of water aerobics.. yesterday a song by the cult came on I like.. I think it’s called sanctuary? Or she sells sanctuary? It got thrown in my steely Dan, Neil young, c s n, John prine, The Who and Clapton and I’m a child of the 70,s 80,s mix.. I was jogging my butt off to the high energy new song, with my arms outstretched to the heavens and blue sky.. thanking the creator for the day

[Agora1 in reply to Daveacr1959]

Hi Dave, I've read your profile, posts and responses. Take the advice of your fatherto heart. He is right, it is what it is. There are some things we can't change in life but

that doesn't mean we should give up. You are doing all the right things in keeping your

physical strength up. My only suggestion is for you to remember that both the

Mind and Body work together.

It would help with your anxiety and strength of mind to take a look on YouTube.

Listen to some Affirmation videos daily. Allow those positive thoughts to reinvent

your apprehensive mind. The more positive you feel mentally, the more physically

in tact you will feel as well.

Last but not least. Live your life as the gift you were given. Appreciate the good

with the bad. These are but learning experiences. Life is Good. It is what we make

of it. My best to you xx

[Daveacr1959 in reply to Agora1]

Thanks So do a search on you tube for affirmation videos? I wish I was stronger in the worrying about not staying in remission? Thanks

[Agora1 in reply to Daveacr1959]

Dave, YouTube is my "go to" Let me find some videos that may help youJust to get you started. xx

[Agora1 in reply to Daveacr1959]

Hi Dave...I picked a couple of videos that I thought might help."Strengthen Your Immunity System & Self Healing Hypnosis Meditation"

by The Mindful Movement

"Fear of Cancer Recurrence/5 Ways to Lessen Anxiety"

by Canadian Cancer Survivor Network

"How to Manage Fear of Cancer Recurrence"

by Dana Farber Cancer Institute

Good Luck in listening to some of the advice you'll hear. xx

[Daveacr1959]

Sorry about not getting back to you sooner. I was helping babysit my 1 and 4 year old grandkids 2 days . They are a handful. I stayed overnight 2 nights at my daughters house. She is a nurse and her husband had a cold a week ago now she has it . So grandpa dived in. That was so nice for you to find the videos I need. I will watch them when I get home, thanks again god bless.

[autumnmarie5]

Hello!! Your story is so interesting and was very encouraging to read! I am now battling with GAD as well. I don't do any counseling, I am just on medication but it doesn't seem to help a whole lot. Have you noticed exercising everyday has improved your anxiety? If so, how much has it helped? I know anxiety is something that may not ever go away but it seems you have figured out how to cope well with it! Again, thank you for sharing your story!!!

[Daveacr1959 in reply to autumnmarie5]

Proper sleep and daily cardio exercise are so important. Lack of sleep is anxiety fuel. The endorphins the cardio exercise gives is as important as the medicine. Better in some ways. You heard about runners high ? Also a 5 minute pure cold shower daily. It shocks the anxiety and depression right out of you. I’m getting ready to climb into a pool that is 10 degrees too cold to swim laps for 45 minutes. But it won’t hurt me and it helps me so much. I am a new person when I get out. 45 minutes on the exercise bike is good too.

[autumnmarie5]

This was great to read! I think this is something I am going to need to consider in order to get better with coping with my anxiety! I always take hot showers but cold showers might be a better help for me!!!! I appreciate you responding to me. Do you have any experience with losing appetite or is that not a symptom of yours?

[Daveacr1959 in reply to autumnmarie5]

No appetite problems. You can still take a hot shower. Just rinse for 5 minutes in pure cold water. 50-58 degrees is good. Maybe you have a cooking thermometer to catch water and put the probe in. The first 2 weeks are rough. After that it’s addicting. Breathe hard and strong when the cold water takes away your breath. Don’t turn the hot back on. Get out and put sweats on. After a month if it’s helpful you can do 10 minutes. Don’t do it if you have a cold .

[autumnmarie5 in reply to Daveacr1959]

I am going to try that tonight!! Thank you so much for the tips!!!

[Daveacr1959 in reply to autumnmarie5]

Proper sleep, daily cardio exercise, and the daily cold shower. Let me know in 2 weeks how you feel. This is just an ailment you will learn to manage. No caffeine. Proper sleep is key . Most people don’t want to exercise or take a cold shower. If you can do it 2 weeks you will be addicted like me.