An introduction to myself 👋 & recent trauma with my doctor-averse, bipolar partner of 4 years

[Salix211]

Hi everyone! Great to be here.

I've dealt with intense anxiety and waves of depression/anhedonia for as long as I can remember, and have been in weekly therapy and taking Zoloft to manage this for just as long.

Currently, I'm in a serious longterm relationship (~4 years) and living with my partner and our two dogs. About a year ago my partner, who was willfully unemployed for over a year, suffered an acute manic episode and I was forced to call 911 for help since I felt he was a danger both to himself and to us (me + dogs). He ended up getting hospitalized for 10 days in a psych facility and diagnosed with BPD, then suffered another manic episode a couple days after discharge and immediately going off his medication. He blamed me entirely and his family refused to help me to get him the help he needed, so I was forced to figure it out on my own and work my way back to him trusting me.

Fast forward a year, and we are trying hard to get back to a stable life together, but he's still not accepting of his diagnosis and refuses any kind of medical treatment. I struggle daily with the suspicion that he still blames me and resents me for what happened, and feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells. He's not a "sharer" and is averse to therapy, so we're often in a stalemate of silence on the topic.

**He has also been suffering from chronic back pain (degenerative disc disease) for long before I met him, and the Cymbalta he was on for a while may have at least partially triggered his initial manic episode. I know that chronic pain of any kind is a BEAST to live with, so the "walking on eggshells" thing is multiplied even further by this factor.

Recently I've dive-bombed into depression and worry that he hates me and that any day now, he'll kick me to the curb and leave me in a terrible financial situation with my dog (who is my heart & my WHOLE LIFE). I feel trapped and terrified - I am still in love with him and he means the world to me, but I'm running out of steam and need some support from outside resources.

Would LOVE to chat with anyone who can relate, even just a little bit! <3

[b1b1b1]

The one thing I would say is don't even think about marrying him while things are so unsettled and you are walking on eggshells. You should also have a backup plan to protect yourself and dogs in the event that he has another manic episode and you feel in danger. This includes where you would go, how you would get there and enough money to carry out your plan.

Otherwise, the only things you can do is try to get him to see a psychiatrist on a continuing basis, and take his medicines regularly. Men can be very resistant to both of these.

[TangledUpIn in reply to b1b1b1]

I agree with you. You need a plan for one thing.

[DayByDayByeDay]

Hello Salix211First of all you need to know that you can’t sustain this way of life. You have three areas of concern to address. 1- dealing with your financial situation and being able to live by yourself if needed 2- taking care of yourself to heal and stop the anxiety and depression and 3- your relationship with your partner.

All of these require serious attention and you need help from people who specialize in each of those areas. When we’re not emotionally well, we can’t think rationally and everything feels exhausting so you’re unlikely to get better by yourself. I know this because I’m going through a similar situation.

You must understand that you’re drowning and nobody’s around to throw you a life vest unfortunately. This means you have to look deep inside yourself and find the courage to make some difficult changes in your life.

If your meds don’t work, change them. If your therapist is just asking how your week was and offers not much more then find another one. If your partner refuses to take responsibility for his actions like a 4 year old then ...

You have the right to be happy and feel fulfilled in your life.

It’s going to get harder before it gets better but keep reminding yourself that you’re not alone in this world going through this but your journey is a personal one to finding your true self and path.

I am not associated to this site and don’t get paid for any referrals but I highly suggest you sign up and start learning all the amazing information that will change completely how you see life.

I don’t know if links get blocked so I’ll write the name instead so you can look it up. It’s called personal development school by Thais Gibson. You can email them for a 7 day free trial and also look on YouTube for her free videos.

You can message me anytime you’d like and I’ll do what I can to give you advice.

[Salix211 in reply to DayByDayByeDay]

Thank you for the thoughtful reply! I won't lie, this was hard to read but definitely put things in perspective for me. I've been struggling a ton with my frustration toward him for being SO inflexible and unwilling to seek any form of help for the problems I know that he knows are there. I feel guilty for being impatient, but it's truly cutting into my own feelings of self-worth and overall happiness on a daily basis. You are right, there are some hard choices that need to be made and I need to put myself (and my dog) first...this is something I've never been good at in relationships, especially the ones that mean the most to me.

I will check out the resources you suggested, thank you again for your insight!