I am struggling with severe panic and I’m not talking panic attacks that last a few moments..it’s from the min I open my eyes until I close them at night. I have anxiety, severe panic and depression. Also a diagnosis of bipolar with only two manic episodes in 14 years. But my world is falling apart, my marriage is strained to the max...for many reasons but mainly caused by my health issues and mistakes I made while unaware and manic. I’m drowning in guilt and I have two beautiful daughters ages 8 and 3 that need their mommy back. I have lost such quality time with them as my panic has robbed me of making precious memories. I cannot get that time back. I cannot eat without feeling overwhelming nausea from my high anxiety. It’s awful. I’ve seen docs, tried so many meds and taking DBT classes, 3 hrs of class over 13 weeks and nothing simmers my overwhelming feelings. It’s debilitating. I cannot get out of bed, everything makes me panic, cleaning, doing any task and I’m hanging by a fine thread. I’m scared and my support system is not the best..Lost my mom and dad when I was 24, 9 months from each other...lots of trauma in my childhood...and now with broken trust in my marriage I feel horribly anxious. And sick to my stomach. I hate this. My girls deserve better. My husband deserves a supportive wife not a sick panic strickened wife. He’s at his wits end with me and I do not blame him. I’m lost and scared and have no clue out of thus daiky niggtmare.
I cannot take it anymore : I am... - Anxiety and Depre...
I cannot take it anymore
Hi Jann, I’m glad you found this forum. I really feel for you. I have struggled with anxiety and it’s been really bad lately, I can barely go places I need to go. However I have learned that facing the fear and getting to the root of the fear is essential. For me, the fear is all about not feeling safe. So, I have worked on my spiritual life to find that source of safety and peace. I will not go into detail here because some members are not Christian. I will just say that, if you can find a support group such as codependents anonymous and work their 12 steps it will help a lot. I also recommend start listening to Charles Stanley. Claire Weekes is very good with anxiety issues and you can find all of this on YouTube. Are you on any medication? A benzodiazepine may help short term. ❤️
Thank u for your support. I am on clonazepam 2mg a day but that’s been over a year or so and doesn’t even touch the anxiety. I have been on many combos but nothing has worked. You can msg me I do not mind hearing about your spiritual journey to wellness. I have a really bad situation my manic state caused that has strained my marriage to the max. And I fear losing my family, husband and two girls. I’d have to PM u.
Hey it sucks! I suffer from severe ocd, clinical depression, ptsd, panic attacks, agoraphobia, and extreme loneliness. I can’t understand how it’s even possible for one to suffer this much. How? On top of it I have a little baby brother whos the youngest who I love dearly and want to spend time with, but because I’m terrified of going outside in public I feel extremely guilty and depressed for it. Before I was able to go out and now it’s getting harder and harder. I’m so sad and so dispaired because I lost my second younger brother to suicide also. I found him and it traumatized me. I went through being bullied and discriminated badly also. Shunned, ostracized, and rejected from society I’m so confused as to why I’m still here. I wish I was trying to make this up, but this is my reality
I understand you and I hope you feel a little better knowing someone is going through the same thing. Take care!
Benny thank u for replying. I am so sorry you have been through so much trauma. It’s debilitating and I understand. Just to drop my daughters off at school and pick them up feels like a huge task and I’m sick to my stomach. Everything around me is falling a part. Downward spiral and I cannot find a med or classes so far that have helped. I wonder too why I’m here. I feel so guilty and useless. And scared and panicked daily. I want to wake up from this nightmare. Msg me anytime.
Yep sound like me. I have anxiety 24/7! Doing a stupid simple task like taking out the trash or cooking me a meal drain the **** out of me I’ll then just microwave food because everything is just too much. I even get anxiety from sleeping because I wake up in the middle of the night terrified for no damn reason. Nightmares, insomnia, etc...the list is endless. I hear of people who have pretty bad anxiety, but I think I’m at the top of the leaderboards for anxiety cause I’m basically paralyzed by fear and no this isn’t some competition either lol. I’m amaze my sense of humor is still here despite my ****** and terrible hand
No competition..it’s freaking horrible that we feel the way we do. It’s 24/7 for me and I’ve made mistakes and now have a fear of losing my family because of that. My husband is furious with me and says my mental state is no excuse for my actions. And I miss his support. He is doing everything. Working and cooking. I can’t keep up with cleaning and I’m paralyzed by fear daily. I do not have any support and yes it’s true I lost my parents 9 months a part when I was 24 and at the age of 6 I witnessed my Dad strangling my mother on Christmas Eve. The trauma of my childhood brought on such anxiety but my siblings don’t fight the same battle, they work and function. And they went through trauma too. I am 7 and 10 years younger than them.
Wow your mom being strangled and you witnessing it at a young age...yep that can traumatize you. It’s tough for normal ppl to love and understand us so try and not put everything on you. I know it’s extremely difficult because how can we not feel bad when we don’t get any support right? It’s a very confusing world between the people with mental illness and the ones without. I feel bad that your hubby just jumps to conclusions and assume you’re making excuse cause we can all agree that if we could we would already. It makes no sense in pretending or trying to be sad when we’d rather go out and have fun. I’m here to listen so feel free to hit me up anytime ok. Hope your day goes a tiny bit better
Hey Benny,
OMG we have so much in common. Your description is me. But I manage a good job that requires weekly travel and still feeling and experiencing everything you just said.
You are not alone.
And I’m an open book to share how I cope, my therapy sessions and the meds I use and have tried.
It’s a hard flight because I could so easily be in a vegetative state and home bound.
Telling people I trust has helped because it’s exhausting to keep up appearances. Truly exhausting.
Small steps everyday.
I’d love to hear how you cope, meds, therapy, etc .I’m not functioning at any level. And it’s a scary place to be. My life has become a disaster and the physical symptoms nausea, panic, IBS, agitation etc is unbearable.
You sound just like me, message me anytime hun ❤
I relate. Try a new therapist and a new psychiatrist. There’s got to be something that will help. I went through a half dozen before finding a therapist that truly helped me. Also, I found The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Bourne to be extremely helpful. The worst thing is despair. It feeds your anxiety. And guilt is a useless emotion that serves no purpose other than to make you feel worse. You need to give yourself positive messages. You will get better. You will find relief.
I forgot to add that I had to take Xanax 24/7 for 5 years, but it got me through the worst. You do what you have to do and don’t be so hard on yourself. You are obviously a caring person and with the right doctor and therapist, you will get better and feel normal again. Those of us who suffer from debilitating anxiety usually have had a lot of trauma in our lives. We didn’t choose it, but we are left with having to deal with the aftermath. Please don’t despair. You have much to look forward to.
Is Xanax like lorazepam? I have taken clonazepam with no help. I’m still taking it. The problem I have is I feel paralyzed by fear of losing my family due to mistakes I made while manic. I was unaware of my actions and the guilt of what I’ve caused my beautiful family is weighing on me. And yes trauma plays a huge part. I was a very anxious child. Very unstable home.
The drugs are similar. Do you have any evidence that you will lose your family? Have the manic episodes continued? If you no longer have manic episodes, then you are obsessing on the past, which can’t be changed. You can only live and act in the present. Be the best person you can be now. Worry is another useless emotion that can paralyze you. Worry won’t change anything. Your actions now are what count.
My husband is at his wits end with me and is angry at the things that had gone on and says that he cannot take my panic. He’s trying his best to keep everything afloat but with my debilitating panic I have not been any help around the house etc and I broke trust. No manic episodes but I feel his anger and know he is not happy.
My mind won’t stop obsessing. I’m overwhelmed by my fears and guilt. I cannot settle or relax.
I'm so sorry that you are experiencing such emotional stress in your life. I experienced a period of time with such high anxiety that I was unwilling/unable to leave my home for several months. I know what it's like to feel panic over just simple daily tasks. I have also felt guilty for not being the best mom and wife I know I can be, if not for this anxiety. I have found that my thoughts are my greatest enemy! I try to replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts. For example, I might think that I am the worst housekeeper in the world. That is simply not true. So I replace the thought with, "I'm not the best housekeeper, but I got the dishes done today! Yay me!". Don't let your negative thoughts become the truth in your life. Have you considered journaling your thoughts and feelings? Sometimes when I put my thoughts down on paper, I realize how false they are and it helps me take a step forward out of my anxiety. Just a thought!
Thank u for the tip. My thoughts are my greatest enemy but what if the thoughts are also true. I have to forgive myself and let go of guilt but I am my worst enemy and I feel so guilty about so much. I hurt my husband in the worst way and I’m afraid of losing it all because of my health.
Just take one day at a time. Today, focus on getting one thing accomplished, like doing a load of laundry. Forget about all the other tasks waiting for you. Then, take one step toward renewing your relationship with your hubby. Give him a hug and tell him you love him. If you succeed in the little things, you'll feel more confident in the bigger things. I'm praying that you will find some rest and relief.
Thank u. It’s crazy how I’m a magnet to my bed as soon as I look at the smallest task. And I have told my husband I love him and give him hugs and send him messages in the day but I feel I’ve maxed him out as he doesn’t respond unless it’s about the girls and he has all the bad memories of my manic time, words and actions that get him so angry. He doesn’t feel it will ever be the same and I cannot live with myself for hurting him and bringing him down. It’s tearing me a part and my girls are even all about Daddy and I feel like a 4 th wheel.
I didn't mean to trivialize your anxiety. I know it feels like there is no way out, but I assure you that there is hope! Have you considered counseling? I came upon a resource that may be helpful to you: bit.ly/2wbT8H7. I am praying that you will see your worth as a child of God and take small steps toward healing.
Shoot this is pretty scary stuff. I’m scared for everyone because anyone who suffers from traumatic events will most likely suffer from some form of mental health issues. All I know is that none of this is your fault. You seem to genuinely care about others so certainly your trying your best to be as positive as you can. Not a day goes by that I don’t feel guilty at all because I can’t get myself to act and behave normally because my severe anxiety symptoms won’t let me anxiety is one of the most despairing thing and something that completely makes me feel like a tremendous burden to others especially with my family because I feel like I’m dragging them down. You are not alone by any means. I could list a million things that causes me to feel like a burden from anxiety, but I won’t because it’ll take a lifetime plus I don’t want to scare anyone. I’m saying this because I want you to know that you ain’t alone. You said you lost your parents and that could be a reason why you developed anxiety. So it’s not your fault if that is indeed true. After my brother committed suicide I developed a huge fear of loved ones being gone for a short amount of time and thinking they committed suicide too. This causes me a lot of anxiety if you need to vent or talk I’m here to listen wether you feel like an annoyance or not I’m here
Can you get into intensive outpatient therapy? That maybe a good option for you. It will get you out of the house and into a really intensive group therapy setting that is very helpful. You are really stuck and as great as your husband is, he really doesn’t understand mental health problems. Fear is something that our brains do to keep us safe and you cannot just will yourself out of fear or depression or anxiety. If it was that easy none of us would be on here! He needs to work with you on this and get you healthy. The plan should be to first get you functioning again and then deal with the emotional aftermath of the things that happened when you were manic. So, get into intensive outpatient or inpatient therapy first and go from there
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