Everyday dread with a bipolar parent

[Deimos2020]

I feel miserable my father has bipolar and refuses to get help or take his medication. He’s constantly angry and takes it out on us his children. He yells and screams at us when we contact my mother for help and always blames us for all his actions. A week ago he got in a car accident with us in the car extreme road rage. He followed a woman’s suv and raced her screaming at her and getting out of his car to fight him. I don’t think I can handle everyday the anger the screaming the fighting him refusing to get help or take his medications. It’s miserable being here I’m constantly hiding in my room shaking. I have panic attacks for hours long that cause me to end up in the ER. I can’t handle constantly walking on eggshells I’m starting to get nightmares of him screaming at us and insulting us. I just want a quiet place I’m starting to hear his voice screaming even when he’s not. I’m always anxious when my mother leaves for work. During my panic attacks he insults me and says I’m just over dramatic and fights with my mom about it. I just can’t take anything anymore some days I want to die I can’t eat I can’t get out of bed. They refuse to let me get therapy. I’m stuck

[hypercat54]

I think if you are at least 16 you can see the doctor on your own to get help. Why not ring up and find out? x

[Deimos2020 in reply to hypercat54]

I am currently 18. They never leave me alone they’re always watching me. I went to the ER many times for my panic attacks because the doctors and first responders would confuse them for seizures but every time I asked for help my mother would lie to protect my father. Or to keep him happy and it would just be routine him crying and hugging me in front of people but behind closed doors during my pants attacks he’d mock me or hit me with a belt and tell me to be normal

[hypercat54 in reply to Deimos2020]

You are old enough to leave home at 18. Is this an option? If not currently you need to make plans to leave x

[Deimos2020 in reply to hypercat54]

I’ve tried to make plans to leave but they get upset and say I can’t survive in the real world by myself. I can’t cook I’m too scared to get in a car after the accident I want to leave but there’s no place for someone my age working a minimum wage job here in my area. I wish i knew how to they refuse to let me dorm. Or be with friends overbearing and overprotective

[hypercat54 in reply to Deimos2020]

Well your family is wrong. I left home at 18 and couldn't cook or drive. I must admit I had a hard time of it for a while but it forced me to grow up and learn to become independent. Lessons learned the hard way stick best.

I went from living in a nice house in a good area to living in 1 room in a bad one, but no matter how bad it was it was preferable to living at home x

[Deimos2020 in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you I’ll look into how to do that it beats living a home as long as the place is quiet I’ll be happier

[fauxartist]

I am so sorry you’re going through this hell. I don't know how old the other children are, but if they are under 18, I would contact social services before something irreversible happens from his anger. I don't feel you’re in a safe environment and your right....this does cause a sort of PTSD condition after years of this. Please get help for all of you. This is dangerous for you all

[Deimos2020 in reply to fauxartist]

I’ve tried to leave before my grandparents offered adoption when I was younger and living with them but they took it as taking their children away and that ended up with my father punching holes in the wall screaming crying and guilt tripping me saying my grandparents are terrible people. My grandmother is a therapy when I’m with them I’m happier more calm my anxiety is non existent but my parents wouldn’t let me go.

[fauxartist in reply to Deimos2020]

I will tell you straight up ....you have to get away from him. Believe me....my mother is a sociopath....and my whole life I lived with the constant screaming, throwing things around the house, glass breaking, constant berating and abuse...and it would go on for hours. Over 10 years ago I finally cut off all contact with her, and my life does still have its challenges, I am left with CPTSD from it, but at least there is no new damage to be dealing with as well. They are never going to change, and only you can make the changes to not put yourself in harm’s way. I know you’re young, but even at 18... you owe him nothing....believe me....he is sick, and there is nothing you can do to fix him or help him. So you have to get yourself in a safe place and stay away from him. He is not capable of really caring honey, he's too sick, and you can love him, but it may not be in him to sincerely be able to return that. Sadly he may never be able to, and that's a terribly hard thing to accept.

[Deimos2020 in reply to fauxartist]

I want to leave but then my little brother and my mother would have to deal him him alone ... they always say he’s not himself he can’t control it but I can’t leave the others behind I love my mom too much sometimes I just feel selfish for being so scared and anxious all the time I try to pick up more hours at work or stay longer at my college but it never changes for any of us

[fauxartist in reply to Deimos2020]

As much as it pains me to say this, but you are not responsible for your mother and your mother should be the one protecting your little brother, not you. This is certainly a dysfunctional situation when a caregiver depends on their child to curb the father’s behavior. You will be stuck in this disease of your father’s sickness as long as you buy into this. Your mother is the one who should be demanding him to be institutionalized, or for her to find shelter elsewhere...this is not your job. If your mother won't help herself or take care of protecting your little brother from the father, then someone else should be stepping in, not you. You cannot fix this situation, and it will only get worse...believe me I know. I too had a younger brother and sister who were subjected to very little in comparison to what my mother did to me. And my brother was given to his father after I left for college, and my sister was my mother's golden child, so she was spared her wrath.

[hypercat54 in reply to Deimos2020]

Your parents can't stop you leaving as you are an adult. Pick a time when your father is out and go. If he traces you and tries to force you back call the police

And faux is completely right x

[lillyofthevalley37]

Would your father take GABA ? It's a nurotransmitter that really calms down mania , my husband refused to take his meds but the medication did make him like a zombie he is manic atm and I am giving him GABA 250mg twice a day

There are other things to calm down mania

Taurine

5HTP

Melatonin

Magnesium citrate

Start with small doses these things are powerful

I know exactly how you feel it's horrible having a family member high bc they usually get snappy and irritable too but there is stuff he can take or you could put in his food - don't overdose him though as you could really do his head in

[Operalady]

Hello Deimos2020, I am Operalady! Has your situation changed? Oh God I feel for you! I grew up in a similar situation! I am 68 years old and still have flashbacks from that time in my life! It’s not right your Mom is not taking care of this! Your dad needs to be hospitalized and get the care he needs! You can call the police and have him arrested. Yes that awful I know! I had to do that to my Mom!its too much you can not live like that! Get help and support. When your dad gets help he will be glad when he gets straighten out he needs help! It’s not your fault! Get grandma and pas help! Your dad can be arrested for being a danger to himself and others! Call the police for help! They will bring him to the hospital!!tell them he abuses you!

[Hidden]

When he’s upset (having a manic episode) you can try to distract him the best that you can off what he’s currently feeling or thinking. It’s a tough situation and you have a very valid reason to fear him because he seems impulsive. My mom is this way to and I’m dreading spending 3 weeks with her when I travel back home this weekend. So many ups and downs it’s a nightmare.. you never know when they are going to snap at you but I just remind myself that it has nothing to do with me and that will sometimes help me get through my frustrations. They have a mental illness and you just have to do your best with managing being around him because he has the right to refuse medication. I’m sorry if that wasn’t helpful but I do wish you the best!

[SusieSoul]

Hi Deimos , I hope you can have a positive attitude , although I know it is difficult to live with someone with Bipolar. God loves you , and will help you if you read the Bible. He doesn't build us to have panic attacks, no matter what, and I feel for you as a child and pray for you. you are fearfully and wonderfully madePsalm 137; I wonder if you can know that inside every body, there is a beautiful soul but the world is not perfect. You don't say how old you are. You can't control your Dad's behaviour but you can work on your studies and your own self improvement and be kind to yourself. Be brave young one. I cover you with the protection of Jesus.

[SusieSoul]

Also, you will survive in the real world. If you can respectfully leave this situation do so. I can't quite catch how old you are. And I agree , you can see a Doctor on your own, who could at least put you in touch with agencies , that at least can talk to you , to manage this situation, or on how to leave. And help you with the panic attacks. You have a strong spirit I can tell. Remember , you can leave while maintaining peace. Your Mum needs to grow up to realise how this is impacting her own children.