A new step for me: realizing I can't do this alone

[loradream]

I've been beaten up and abused, by my own ego. I can't stop thinking of how much I messed up on my job interview this week because I could not articulate my thoughts the way I imagined. The days leading up to the interview I was in a depressive episode due to the stress of not mentally preparing myself properly. It is an endless cycle. My thoughts are constantly everywhere, the spiders crawl through my chest. And the cycle also involves me beating myself up more because there's other things to be worried about in the world rather than my own mistakes. I just can't keep fighting this battle against anxiety and depression alone. It's so hard. I try to use my tools of self-care, but the tools do not have the same benefits they once did. I don't know. I don't want to feel so alone with my mental health anymore. It's hard to admit when I am having severe anxiety because I ask myself why I can't just be grateful for the moment. But when the anxiety starts to take a toll on my everyday life, I should start accepting that its there and I need help. (I am in between moves and insurance too so the means to get a therapist is far fetched at the moment). UGH.

[Karole2021]

Hi loraddream I met a guy around 3 years back and he said to me with smile your mistakes do not make you bad they make you stronger , since then I took it as a wisdom and tried to think different, really most of time it helps

[loradream in reply to Karole2021]

Thank you so much for this response, I have written it down in my journal. It's funny how words can carry so much weight but can also help to lift the weight. Thank you again.

[SirGrits]

Hey loradream, I encourage you to reread your post. Try and look at how your words indicate all the weight you might be carrying with you. Try to remind yourself that the world isn't on your shoulders and try to forgive yourself. There's so much that we humans have to deal with, try and not let your own self be one of your own "haters". Interviews are tough and they're not 1 way streets. It's completely normal to feel unprepared, to actually be unprepared, and even to sound unprepared. The fact that that happened only make you human. Kudos for trying so hard and keep your head up. Learn your lessons, forgive yourself, move on. Be prepared to forgive yourself some more before it's all over.God speed.