I cannot set goals for myself and keep them. Not with weight loss, not with cleaning up the house, nothing. There are very few things in life that we can control. But the things I am SUPPOSED TO have control over, I don't. I diet, then I stop. I clean, then I stop. NOTHING ever gets completed in its entirety. My thinking is never"WHEN I lose weight, it's IF I lose weight". It's never "WHEN the house is cleaned up, it's IF the house ever gets cleaned up". My own mind is making me CRAZY!! What is going on?? Because it's too hard to achieve those goals?? Yeah-probably. But yet I stay in the same rut day after day, year after year and am STILL complaining!! Small goals every day don't make me do it. Maybe because I live alone and am not accountable to anyone. I don't have a boyfriend right now so I am not motivated enough, even though I would like a boyfriend. And the thought of meeting someone with an extra 20-25 pounds on me is just not doable for me. But yet-I can't stick to a healthy lifestyle. 🤦♀️
Why Does Everything Have To Be An "If... - Anxiety and Depre...
Why Does Everything Have To Be An "If "??
I've had my life fall apart like this before. I'm not out of it yet, but what I am starting to do is use the calendar application on my phone to keep myself responsible... Starting with my appointments, I set several reminders hours in advance of my plans. I'm going to try and do that with my medications next (been irresponsible in the past). It's not easy to make a change. The medical clinic I go to assigned me a social worker to help organize my life. For months I didn't speak to her, but since she called me several weeks ago I'm starting to get back on track.
That's great to hear!! I'm great with my meds, and great with my appointments. But I have a problem with achieving my goals. It could be the SMALLEST GOAL sometimes, and it won't get done that day. I have a notebook with a to-do list, and i keep adding things to it. Certain things need to be done on a Monday for example. Maybe 2 things get crossed off, so now those other things are on Tuesday's list, on and on. I guess my question is-How do i make myself accountable for my own life? I do the things that absolutely NEED TO get done. Like getting up early every day and working, and taking care of my dogs. But anything else-forget it.😣
The alarms and reminders are what force me into it. Set a time for your goals that seem reasonable, and set an alarm (or several in my case). Just as a precaution, I would seek an outside opinion as to what goals and pursuits are reasonable. It might also be good to discuss with a professional what responses are reasonable. I suspect you're holding yourself back because you are hard on yourself, and critical about a lot of what you do. It takes some training to get out of that.
I totally agree. Exactly!! I just started seeing a therapist, so maybe he can help me with all of this.
hi,I can understand how you feel,its a vicious circle ,maybe if you wrote down what your going to do -each day 1 or 2 tasks and once you feel you have achieved something ,it can hopefully move on from there ,I have been in a rut for many years and feeling stressed and anxiety ridden I started to throw things out and still have more to do .try walking a short distance too this will get you motivated towards losing weight -one day at a time go at your own pace ,,,,hopefully it will pay off. its hard but not impossible!
Thank you! Yes-one day at a time, but it doesn't even work like that for me sometimes. Sometimes i look around at all the work that has to be done, and literally just sit there-frozen. Instead of jumping in, it feels insurmountable, and i give up. Plus it takes TIME. LOTS OF TIME to go through things, sort them out, find a home for them, decide whether to keep it or not. UGH!! I know it doesn't all have to get done in large blocks of time, maybe even 15 minutes here or there, but STILL. OVERWHELMING. Plus, when I want something, I want it NOW. I want the weight all gone and the house cleaned up in a week. Of course it doesn't work like that. But look-I'm living in this place for 3 years now, and still.......A lot of it is just not having enough space for everything.
Go as slow as you need to or must. It takes some devotion to go through these hurdles. Respect your anxiety and whatever pain associated with these tasks. Take whatever breaks necessary to recenter yourself. I know it is a slow process and it can be frustrating, but slow exposure will lead to slow accommodation. You will or may learn to manage if you devote yourself in this way.
As an addendum, fast exposure does not lead to fast accommodation. Be as patient with yourself in every way you can be. Be patient with your impatience, be patient with your self criticism. Say "these are thoughts that I don't have to agree with"... With enough practice affirming separation from what hurts you, these thoughts may have less power, and may even dissipate in time
The funny thing is-I want everything done in a week, because I want it done NOW. But look-3 years later and still in the same boat. There is something VERY WRONG with my thinking. Seriously. For instance, I packed up some boxes to go out to the shed. It is freezing out here in N.Y., so they are just sitting in my house. Why?? Because it's too cold out to walk back to the shed to put them in?? LAZY would be the right word I guess!!
As I said, you may not be setting reasonable expectations, Downandout123. This is a pertinent subject to bring up with your professional caregivers.
Definitely! I've only seen him a few times so far. We touched on this subject, but of course, they need to find out what the relationship was with your mother for like 20 sessions, before they start giving advice!!😂😂
It doesn't hurt!
It hurts my pocket, because I don't have insurance! 😣
I'm sorry. I'm unemployed due to my anxiety issues... But I fought for disability income and got it, along with insurance from my county.
Well, I'm sorry about your anxiety, but I'm very glad to know that you are getting financial help! 😊
Do not try to make such big goals. Just like a baby trying to learn to walk, they have to learn to carl first, then pull themselves up and hold onto things and walk around them, then step out in faith hoping that they are strong enough to walk by themselves. Then once they are comfortable, they can learn to run... So be it with us and taking small steps to reach the big goal.
youtube.com9 months ago - Dream Small
I wish I had advice or something to helpful to say but honestly I’m in the same situation. It sucks because i know what I need to do and i don’t ans then I get even more sad that I didn’t and the sadness can last for literal days
That's right!! And then it's a cycle. I get depressed because of how things are going, then I comfort eat to feel better, then I get more depressed because I ate what I shouldn't have, and on and on the cycle goes. I bought so many books on how to get organized and be efficient. I KNOW what i have to do. Its in the actual DOING that I have a problem! I THINK i need to be accountable for my actions. There is no one to be accountable to, so it just never ends.
hi again,you need to be accountable for yourself ,yes when your feeling low about yourself,and everything mounts up even the lousy weather makes you even more depressed, and I too live in a small flat and you feel trapped alone and bloody depressed.however,we start to feel a tiny bit better when we do something positive -do you sleep alright.Believe me ive been in this rut for at least 15 yrs,but its goy worse when my tranquillisers are stoppimg after around 30yrs.IIts tough .very.
I can relate so much to that! It’s not that I don’t want to do things like workout, eat healthy, organize. It’s just I never go through with it and then I say I’ll do it tomorrow and the pattern repeats... but I’m going to start telling people my plans so then I’ll actually have to go through with it
See-I don't do that anymore, because there had to be 100X that I would tell people close to me that I was going to lose weight for good this time. And never did it, so felt foolish. Just like New Year's resolutions. Never kept them, so stopped making them.😣
Yes. I take one Xanax an hour before bedtime, and I sleep all night, although I get to bed WAY too late. Oh-that was another goal on my list-to get to sleep earlier. Yeah right. Why did the doctor stop your tranquilizers?
The nice thing about setting goals is that you can set one big goal, then make a bunch of little goals to reach that big one. And there are so many ways you can set those little ones. You mentioned that you have one where you live to be accountable to; Try getting an old style to hang up calendar and write your small goals on there and then write down your big goal at the very end of the time limit (ie. - like 6 months or a year down the road.) Then come back here- we are your friends here, we understand where you are coming from. Tell us daily how you are coming along - how you are progressing or struggling. We can hold you accountable...
Thank you! Very lovely words and good ideas! 😊
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