Why can't I do what I know will make me feel better?

I can't get out of bed most days when I do not have an early class. I'm a senior in college and am wasting my time here because my gf and I broke up which triggered the suppressed and existing anxiety and depression i've always had. It's a battle to feel even remotely okay each day. My mom doesn't understand what I say about being scared to even get out of bed and that I have a tight chest. She just says get your shit together and yells at me when I try to describe it to her. I know I am probably looking for blame but I wanted to get medicated for my anxiety while with my gf last semester, but she just yelled at me and said I'd be okay and made me feel guilty about it, so I did not continue with therapy or acquire medication. It makes me so mad because if I were to be getting the help I would probably still be with her. It's been 6 fucking weeks and my mental health has not gotten much better. Everything is so horrible and the other day I hurt myself. I want to be better but every time I go to therapy I sit there and sob until i am so mentally tired I can't think. Last session he suggested I go to the hospital because of the extent of my issues but i'm scared to be checked into a facility.

[Agora1]

Wholefoods, once anxiety gets to the point of interfering with your everyday life

as well as wanting to cause physical self harm, it becomes imperative to get professional

help. Should it call for in patient, so be it. I too choose in patient at one time because of

the severity of my fears. The intense therapy I received on a daily basis along with the

comfort and security of 24/7 care, gave me a chance to explore my fears and how I was reacting

to them. Short of being put in a "bubble", life will always bring us problems and issues that

we feel we cannot handle. Most of the time, the outcome is out of our hands. However,

how we react to those situations will either allow us to go forward or completely paralyzed

us emotionally where we will stay stuck in a cycle of endless fears and anxiety.

There is a time and a place for medication. Listen to your therapist. Meds can help take the

edge off your thinking irrationally. It will give you time to clearly think about what needs

to be done as well as moving in the right direction.

When things are out of our control then it's time for us to no longer procrastinate and take

that step forward. xx

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

Thank you very much. I need to move forward to make sure I don't fully lose myself. Did the in patient help?

[Agora1 in reply to Hidden]

Absolutely, "in patient" helped me. I chose no visitors, no phone calls, this

was my "me time" to work on getting myself together mentally.

I have a meeting to attend right now but will be watching messages when I

get back. Right now, it's time to turn your trust over to your therapist to help

you make the right decision. xx

[Nom-D-Ploom]

Try to do 1 positive thing a day. School can seem overwhelming. I CLEPP'd a LOT of my credits. Maybe you could look into that as a way to spend less time in classes?

[imasleep123]

🖐 count me in as a person who also does this. One thing I can say is, my family/loved ones didn’t support me in getting therapy or on medication at first. I had struggled with pretty severe panic disorder and depression over 7 years and when I finally reached my breaking point (suicide attempt) and survived, I decided to stop listening to what other people told me because look where it got me, and figure out what path I wanted to follow for recovery. For me that involved intensive therapy and medication for two years. I just told anyone who doubted me that I have to overcome this on my terms, and I feel like that’s a pretty true statement for anyone with mental illness. You can’t force people into accepting treatment because it won’t work. You have to be open and willing to do it. My advice is to follow your intuition. Part of the healing process, particularly with anxiety is building up your trust with yourself and self-acceptance.

[Hidden in reply to imasleep123]

Thank you, how do you feel now

[imasleep123 in reply to Hidden]

Honestly a lot better. I did inpatient, intensive outpatient and medication, as well as support groups and social groups over the two years I worked on my anxiety. I basically did everything I could do, but also cut myself some slack when I didn’t feel like going to groups or therapy or exercising. And I almost never did what anyone who wasn’t one of my doctors or a peer who understood what I was going through, suggested. Especially friends and family, they often had the worst suggestions. I haven’t had a panic attacks since I took that time for myself.

I also recently had a back slide, that was largely due to underlying health problems. But since I spent a lot of time in therapy and recovery, I was able to manage my symptoms and tough it out until I could get the help I needed.I’m now back on my medications and back in therapy and doing better.

[imasleep123 in reply to imasleep123]

And another thing is, there were a lot of fights I had with my family about my recovery process, for me not listening to what they wanted me to do, and following what I thought was best for my life. They even called the cops on me and I was homeless for a short period of time too. At this point my relationships with them are better and they understand now that what I did was what was best for me, and trust that I know what I need to do to get better.

[Agora1 in reply to imasleep123]

imasleep123, I can relate to your story 100%. xx