Why is it that every time something doesn't go my way, I get really upset?

I had such a terrible day. It was going so well. And then everything went downhill just because things didn't go my way. Like what tf is wrong with me? Why can't I just be normal and get over it? Why does depression have to stab me in the heart like this? I'm so tired of this pain.

[Hidden]

It boils down to expectations and disappointments. I've been known to cause a scene because something wasn't happening the way I hoped it would. Then I feel really stupid.

[Roxylox in reply to Hidden]

I could still practically sulk or scream if things didn't go the way I imagined they should have

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Yeah, I'm definitely the same way. This morning when I got to school, I was practically a ticking bomb waiting to explode. And then one of my friends asked me to go over to where they were, and I screamed back at them saying I would be there in a minute. I instantly felt regret and hatred towards myself. I hate the way I act when I'm pissed off. I know that they didn't deserve it, but at the time, I couldn't figure out what to say that wouldn't come off as aggressive. And that's part of what makes me scared of myself honestly.

[Blackdog2]

I have the same issues, (and if it makes you feel better a lot more aswell)It all boils down to low self worth, I struggle with this daily.

If I'm questioned or things change without reason I fly into a rage, the smallest simple things can set it off!

I also feel like there are conspiracies going on about me.

I know this doesn't help you personally but it always nice to know your not the only one suffering in this way.

Are you taking any meds? Have you recently changed your meds or the dosage? Are you getting (coughs) professional help?

Are you in a group?

I know this is hard to do but you need to try and reach out, (I know this because I'm currently struggling to get out of bed) even if it's only over the phone, is there a crisis line you can call, or simply reply to anyone on here, who are generally suffering the same or very similar thought, it's always nice speak to someone who is suffering first hand

[Roxylox in reply to Blackdog2]

I am just on Lithium for Bipolar. Would be less cranky now - only on Lithium 6 years. Would only have been loudly cranky at home - clashes with more strong-willed daughter. . The reasons for my social anxiety increasing are very valid. I regularly hear people remarking on how weird I am when in local shops-live in small community. Thats only hearsay, most of them don't know me at all. Then the manager from my previous job spread lies about me. She had an axe to grind as I confronted her about something. So believe me people's attitudes to me are real. My children (adult) heard the false rumours through their friends. Was in a bipolar group some years ago. I did find it very good. Thank you very, very much for your concern

[Blackdog2 in reply to Roxylox]

Thanks for getting back, it's a pleasure, and hope you can get to grips with your emotions I know us hardI'm off my meds at the moment so I can get a proper diagnosis, I was on Sertraline for 5years but they seemed to have just stopped working, the doc has prescribed me Citalopram, but I feel they will be unsuccessful, so seeking a diagnosis while off my meds, I know exactly how you feel and I too have a young wilful teenager, and the constant arguing between my wife a daughter are triggers.Work have put me in suck leave while u try to get sorted, but the paranoia had already set in.

Verbal outbursts mixed with intense humour, I think I may well have been miss diagnosed all those years ago when the doctor seemed to just focus PTSD and OCD, will be an interesting journey from this point.

Please stay strong reach out uf you need to it all helps

[Hidden in reply to Blackdog2]

Thank you for that, really.

I'm not currently on any meds. And I recently decided to make a counseling appointment with a therapist, and that is happening next week Monday.

I'm not in any group either (unless this one counts).

I do think part of it is my lack of self worth. I constantly have self doubts and feel like I will never measure up or be good enough for anyone. And I'm starting to feel like a gray cloud that hovers over anyone it approaches. Life is just tough right now. And I don't know what to do to make it seem better.

[Blackdog2 in reply to Hidden]

You've done the right thing, please stay strong I know coming off you meds is hard trust me I went through the mill coming off mine, I too have sought counciling, you need to be prepared for a roller-coaster of emotions, I've been referred to a clinical psychologist, to finally get diagnosed correctly, it's the first step in the process, meds are not always the answer but might still figure in treatment,Please don't think you have to try to make it better, and overthinking things can be a rabbit hole, I wish I had a magic bullet for you but sadly this doesn't exist, you've made the hardest move coming off your meds, and for that a applaud you, just try and focus on things that don't trigger you, I know that's hard very hard, but try and look forward to you journey, this is the first step and there will be more just take them one at a time and take as long as you need between the steps, it's all about the journey, and making it work for you I know this sounds like utter BS to you now but trust me it works if like me you struggle with unwanted thoughts and over think things jyst keep it simple, (step one) get up out if bed, if that's all you can manage that day we'll so be it.

(step two) get washed and dressed, again if that's all you can do well at least you made two steps👍🏻

(step three) talk to someone else who doesn't know you, and won't be judgmental, you've already made that step👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

And so the journey begins, it's you choice and at your speed your already making progress even though you don't realise it, we are all here for you but if you prefer to you can always private message anyone on here, the important thing is that your not alone in this journey, and it can go anywhere You want it to!

Stay strong your amazing, just remember that we are all going through the same thing even if it's a slightly different path

[Hidden in reply to Blackdog2]

Honestly meds are just addicting and I feel that it's easy to lose self control with them. I'm not judging anyone; that's just my opinion of my experience. And it's scary to talk to honestly anyone because I feel like I'll always get judged of how I feel. Like I'll be told that my feelings aren't real or they don't matter, or that I'm just being stupid. I bottle up all these emotions because I'm afraid of what people will think of me because they don't know the real me. I feel that in this world, I'm not allowed to feel certain ways because it's not what society expects of people. We're all expected to act our very best, but like, what if my very best right now is feeling broken and wanting almost every part of my life to stop? Because of the pandemic we're in, life has become dull and not as exciting anymore. There aren't as many fun things to do anymore, even though some things have started to open up. I guess just that nothing seems normal anymore.

The good part of my day today was that I found out my highschool is going to have a prom this year, which I'm super excited for. It's going to be my boyfriend's senior prom, even though I'm only a junior. I never thought I would have that experience because of covid, but I am so grateful that my school has decided to put something together for us despite everything going on. All I've been thinking about all day is how much I want him to ask me to prom. Traditionally, boys ask the girls to prom with big signs that they make, saying something funny and quirky. I really want to have that experience, since I've seen most of my friends have that, but I've never been on the receiving end of that. It would be so amazing. The sad fact is that I doubt he'll do that for me because I don't think he cares enough or will figure out that I want him to do that. Oh well I guess. Even though it would be so awesome if he did...

Anyways, that's my day. Hope everyone's day has been amazing and epic, and I hope you all found something exciting to do. Gotta find the joy in the little things nowadays.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Man. I hear you saying how awesome it would be if he asked you to prom in a creative way without you hinting at it. I don’t know how that situation will turn out for you, but I know I spent way too long in my life (until my late 30s) waiting for others to act the way I hoped, to bring me to life like a paper doll. And they didn’t. Or it took too long. Or it didn’t go the way I wanted.

I didn’t go to prom because no one asked me. I could have gone with a group of girls that went, but they didn’t really include me in their plans, and I didn’t know them that well, and so I just kind of skipped it. I regretted that. I should have just gone by myself, in all my awkward glory. Even for a few moments, just to see where the night would take me.

But I was so angsty as a teenager that I could barely tell what day it was, let alone fight for my teenage milestones. My parents were always fighting. My mother was incredibly insensitive to my emotions.

If I was looking sad she’d say, sharply, “What’s wrong with you?” If I told her, she’d shame me into thinking I was either ridiculous for feeling that way or wrong for feeling so much. I had to manage my mom’s emotions after school, by not being too needy. Are your parents (or parent or guardian) really strict? Do they make you feel terrible or ashamed when you try to do something new, fun, or something you want to do? Are they kind and understanding when you are sad? Or do you feel ashamed to share with them?

🦋

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Honestly, the way you described your mom is pretty much the exact same way my mom acts when I am sad for some reason. It's like I'm not allowed to be upset about anything, or else it's the end of the world. She always wants me to tell her about my problems, but whenever I do, she just tells me that I'm being dramatic and stupid, and that I should just get over it. She doesn't understand how I really feel, and that stupid things to her are a big deal to me.

My father, on the other hand, is usually pretty understanding. I actually have my first therapy appointment tomorrow after school, all because of how understanding he is, and the fact that he actually cares about how I am feeling. My boyfriend has been pushing me to talk to my dad about therapy for several months, and when I finally did it, he reacted differently than I had first imagined. He told me that he was willing to do that for me because he loves me. I instantly felt loved and cared for, which is a feeling I don't often experience, since I primarily live with my mom, who doesn't care about anything having to do with me.

In other news about prom, I just decided that even if my boyfriend doesn't ask me in the way I want him to, I'm still going to go, because I want to have that experience even if it doesn't go exactly the way I hope. I think he wants to go with me, so I hope that it is a night that truly is worth remembering. I've always wanted to do something like this with him, and I am so grateful I will finally have the opportunity to.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I’m glad your father is supportive of you. Regardless of that outcome, I’m so glad that you had the strength to share with him and on this forum too.

I think you have a gift for emotional literacy. You already seem to have a good understanding your emotions and how they can impact your thoughts. You may not yet understand how your thoughts affect your feelings, and how your thoughts and feelings affect your perception of external reality. You may not yet know all the ins and outs of emotional literacy. But you’re on a good path for being able to understand that, and how to create boundaries with people like your mom. I bolded those words because they are packed with meaning and complexity. Each one could probably be its own college course.

Your gift will serve you well. It’s also probably going to suck for while until you figure out how to use it to connect with others in a good, safe, fulfilling way.

But hey, practice helps. That’s what this place and the world are for...

🦋

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Aww thanks so much! I do hope you are right...

[crowningglory19]

Well, it is important to remain flexible in life and let go of control. You may feel out of control when things don't go your way and feel the need to control because you feel out of control. You gotta let go, open your hands up to the heavens when things don't go your way and it is symbolic of letting go. We can't be in control or have our way always and it is good to cheer others on when they have a good idea that isn't ours, so think of being their cheer leader when they get their way and congratulating them on their good idea. =) You can do this, you got this and it is all in the growing.

[Hidden in reply to crowningglory19]

Thank you <3

[Hidden]

Well I'd say that's good and bad. It's good not to be overweight, but you definitely should try eating at least three meals a day. I hope everything's going okay, and I'm here for you.

[Hidden]

Hey, it's gonna be okay. Just take a deep breath and relax for a minute. I'm really sorry about everything going on. It's going to be okay though, I promise. Try to get some sleep. Let your mind wander off and think about all the good things in your life. And maybe eat a little something too; it will be okay. The main thing to do is keep breathing as steadily as possible. I'm here for you.

[Saraia]

it’s due to the fluctuations in your hormones,…super high (adrenaline rush) to super low,…when things got sad.

Believe it or not, taking a breath and eating a decent lunch/ snack… like a salmon and bruschetta salad would calm you down.

Sounds crazy,…try it. The increased stress increased the sugar in your body. Your high serotonin levels wanted to be compensated. You probably ended up eating a muffin or some other sugary or processed comfort foods to deal with it, …which only made things worse.

But having lean meats and healthy carbs regulates blood sugar,…and you would end up calming down. And sleep… that’s essential too.