Around the holidays, for most of my life, I have watched "It’s a Wonderful Life."
It used to give me hope.
Am I the only one who no longer sees the hope in it?
The holidays just slip me over the edge.
It hit me this morning that the holidays are already so sold.
That my Holiday-induced depression is already making itself known.
Estranged from Siblings. Sister took off. Brother embezzled.
I gave up on presents when My best friend and his girlfriend exchanged lists. You might as well just hand each other the money. Always saw it to be marketing.
You're not the only one, not even close. It's A Wonderful Life is a great movie, but in a certain way it's a very very dark one. It's about a guy who's ready to end it all and only doesn't because of a miraculous act of divine intervention. That's a fantasy that those of us who struggle with anxiety and depression want to believe can happen, but know can't. It can be very hard to watch when you're feeling lousy -- can generate intense envy for a fictional character.
If you're with family and they're all festive and happy, that can also add to feeling lousy. Now you feel even more alone with your pain, because "Hey, what's up? Come on, it's Thanksgiving, lighten up!" only makes you feel worse.
Well, if it helps any, I'm worried about Thanksgiving myself, this year. I have a large family and have often enjoyed it, but not this time. I don't like the holidays because the expectations are that we're all going to be jolly and celebratory, and some of us might feel crummy. And it's not our fault.
I have spent many of the last several years alone, eating dinner out and chatting with bartenders. I really can't afford to do that anymore. So I will be alone.
I work in sales so you can probably guess how I feel about the Holidays🤣🤣🤣
The only time it feels like Christmas is in church. I have little family so that’s not much help. I wait for the time off I get so I can rest.
I can't imagine working the other side of the counter for the holidays. And being depressive. It must be horrible.
Actually it helps in a way. I’m so busy I don’t have time to think! It’s the stress and exhaustion that get you. My therapist always wants me to keep some structure in my life. I think my structure will in the form of a recliner.!
I absolutely stay out of my head if I'm busy
Family holidays were great when I was a kid. But the spirit of the holidays disappeared when my brother went to jail, my mom lost her beloved job and had to scrape by and living in a chaotic household. Things started to pickup once my brother was out. Things seemed like they were going back to normal. Then my brother died. That broke the family. Holidays were never the same.
My estranged sister tried to pretend her way through it. But she hit her limit and furthered the speration from the family. Left her husband after 30yrs randomly it seems. Got annoyed at us because we went very accepting of the guy she was seeing while still married.
My other sister going through hard times but living in another state. And couldn't really help her.
Somethings improved. But my anxiety returned and I missed out on parties and such. Now my only friend in town is moving away. Makes me very sad.
Parents are divorced and both have been having health issues. But I am the primary care giver to my mom.
I should be happy cause I just moved into my own home. Something I thought would never happen. Never having to worry about being cold in the winter or bugs in the house. But I'm not. It's just another year for me still not where I wanna be with my anxiety. Wondering if I'll ever get out of this hole.
By the way interesting fact about It's a Wonderful Life. When it came out critics pan the hell out it. Jimmy Stewart hated this film. He hoped it would disappear. So the film was buried then once the copyright came up for renewal and it wasn't. TV stations started showing it because it's public domain and don't have to pay anybody. Now it's a Christmas tradition for most people to watch this film when it pops up on TV. Some even say it's a Christmas classic.
Commiserating here helps, doesn’t fix, but it helps
TRIGGER- Talk About Death My cousin is dying and this time of year 
November
I have never had a year in my life where I said "that was the worst year of my life". Now I have.
I write a song for my depression. I felt like sharing. It's my first time.
This is a post on personal reflection and I hope that it helps others to do the same...
