It's the thought that counts? Is it really?

[Foreverbroken31]

First of all I want to say that I'm not trying to look petty or anything. So my best friend who I consider my sister told me she had me a Christmas gift. She had been saying this for a few days now. She brought it over before I went to work so I didn't have time to open it. I got home and I honestly was excited. But to get to the point opening my best friend (sister) gift was sad. She gave me a used perfume and a mug with the C initial instead if a G like fine one little thing but the half used bottle of perfume really? Then some pants that aren't even my size. My siblings said I got the gifts they didn't like and regifted them to me.. ifeel like everyone around me can't really take a little time and really think if the things I like or love. I love otters, candy, we bare bears, perfumes, jewelry, purses, I love the color purple plus when it comes to things I'm not interested in the brand or how much you spent on it. If I wanted something expensive I can get that myself. It's supposed to be the thought that counts but is it really when I don't cross your mind enough to get me something new. I'm not ungrateful but it hurts me to know what I mean to the ones I love.

[EleanorRose]

I understand this feeling. It's not about the gifts, it's about the thought and its nice to feel like someone has put some thought into what you would like.I find the used bottle of perfume particularly bizarre. I'm not sure why you'd give someone something that's obviously used?

[Foreverbroken31 in reply to EleanorRose]

I know. My siblings said I should ask her if it's really this my gift. But I feel more embarrassed than her probably

[Isinatra in reply to Foreverbroken31]

There’s a reason she’s your friend. Probably a good reason. Could it possibly be that she didn’t have the money to buy you something new? Use the perfume if you like it. If not, it will be a pretty addition to your dresser. Find humor in the mug. Give the pants to someone in need. Keep the friendship, it’s more important.

[Mrspjsmom]

You're not being petty. If you like the perfume try adding some distilled water to the bottle. You might also be able to change the C on the mug to a G with a Sharpie. You could tell her the pants don't fit or donate them to charity. If they have a tag on them you can also try taking them back to the store yourself. You can look for the right size and exchange them or get a store credit and use it to buy something you love. My mother in law always gives me awful gifts and gets mad if I ask her to exchange them so I have learned a few tricks through the years. I would be upset with your friend too. Perhaps next year you could set a price limit ahead of time. Perhaps she did register for money reasons. If it makes you feel any better I have gotten used underwear and a jar candle that had been already burned from my mother in law. I just threw away the underwear and finished burning the candle. Many clothes she has given me went to charity or were consigned at a thrift shop. When she gets mad she takes it out on my husband.

[Foreverbroken31 in reply to Mrspjsmom]

Oh wow thanks for the advice. I will try what has been suggested to do.

[Foreverbroken31]

The thing is she had money a few months ago she could have saved some. The only money she has is given to her by her husband. And sometimes it seems she has the money to go shopping on her own or have money to go eat somewhere fancy. Maybe I'm seeing beyond that gift and noticing most of the time I pay for everything and her wants and needs. I just feel she could've not given me anything at all

[EleanorRose in reply to Foreverbroken31]

I think the issue of "price" vs "thought" is perhaps relevant.

I felt awful on Christmas Day opening presents from some friends and realising they'd clearly spent more on me than I had on them. I don't have a huge amount of money but do have enough money to treat myself occasionally. I had saved money for Christmas and actually ended up overspending which I'm already regretting. I set a budget per person which was less than I'd have liked it to be. I actually said to a couple of friends beforehand that I didn't have much money to spend this Christmas and jokingly told them their presents were going to be rubbish this year (in the hopes they'd spend less on me!)

I did put alot of thought into the things I did buy and they are hopefully things that they liked. I also made a few things - I have alot of friends with birthdays this time of year, too.

The point I'm trying to make is that you probably don't truly know her financial situation, even if you think you do, and shouldn't judge the "value" of a present based on cost. By all means, you can feel a bit annoyed that the gifts don't seem thoughtful but the thought and the price aren't necessarily the same thing.

[Hidden]

She should have got you an Otter, how awful of her.. 😜

[AuntBee]

Christmas does have its bizarre moments. You reminded me of a time a long time ago, my husband’s mother gave him a T-shirt for Christmas. He recognized it right away as a T-shirt he had worn to her house to garden in. It had gotten very dirty so she loaned him a T-shirt to change into and offered to wash his. Yup, you got it. She wrapped up that gardening T-shirt and gave it to him as a Christmas present.