Suffering

[Dragon3695]

It is almost 3:30 am and I can't sleep because emotionally I am in so much pain I just wanna cry myself to sleep. My roommate has a guy friend over in her room with her and I am so jealous and upset that I just can't sleep. I hate myself for feeling so jealous and envious of him because I wish it was me. I am literally living in my own self created hell because I love her more than anything on this Earth. Sad but true. Always finding the ones to fall for that have no interest in me for more than a friend. I am just tired of it all right now. I swear I have a use me or sucker sign on my forehead.

Edit/Update

After some time to process, I know my issues from that night are all on me. My roommate from day one has done nothing but bent over backwards to be here and help me get better. She has always been respectful even when she felt she needed to poke a sore spot to get me to understand. She even went out of her way to let me know her friend was coming over so she didn't blindside me or my emotions. All the issues from that night are due to my difficulties being totally emotionally driven 95% of the time and my unreciprocated feelings foe her. She has always been upfront with me about having no romantic feelings for me and she doesn't do anything to lead me on. The last thing I want to add is about my last comment about the use.me or sucker sign I said I have on me. That particular comment wasn't pointed towards my roommate in anyway. It was leftover feelings from an issue I will be writing about some time soon.

[Hidden]

I think you should move out, for your own sake

[Dragon3695 in reply to Hidden]

I need to stay and deal with my issues and not keep running away is why I ain't. My therapists recommendation

[gabrielle00 in reply to Dragon3695]

maybe you can get away for just a little bit (like a week or so?) how can you heal in such a triggering environment!

[Dragon3695 in reply to gabrielle00]

I am healing myself through focusing on confronting my issues and trying to talk through them and better understand why I feel this way and that way so I can begin seeing the patterns for myself

[Hidden]

Yeah it's tough but time to wake up and smell the coffee. Find a good girl that's interested in you being her boyfriend.

[Nothing_but_books]

Hi Dragon! What a wonderful exciting name! How did you come up with it -- do you read, watch film, or game? I love dragons. I read Dragonflight many years ago and it was very special to me.

I have one piece of advice. Think pretty. Get off expecting you deserve crap! Treat yourself to some of the wonderful caring you've been giving others. Girls are attracted to those guys. No bigger turn off in the world than a guy who doesn't think he's worth it.

[Dragon3695 in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Absolutely true as I am learning and my roommate is no different. She wants someone who is sure of himself and willing to walk beside her not in front of her or behind her

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Dragon3695]

Waiting around like a lonely puppy 🐶 won't do it. Figure out what you like. It's harder to meet someone who shares your interest during the pandemic, but give it a shot. Meetup maybe? Find yourself a gal who is already doing something you adore. Who knows, once you're not hanging around just waiting, you may become more interesting to Miss Aloof.

[Dragon3695 in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Yeah. That isn't the first time someone has told me that. It is a bit hard for me though since I don't have my license so my options for getting around are ask my roommate to take me or walk

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Dragon3695]

Zoom? There are all kinds of Meetups that are using Zoom now. Even free emotional support groups. You don't even have to go out.

C'mon... I can tell you're a really nice guy. Give yourself a chance. This is a great forum to get ideas and support. Don't rely on me for ideas. There are a lot of people your age having a blast right here on HU. Find yourself a post like this and join in:

healthunlocked.com/positive...

[Hb2003]

Hello I want you to know that a lot of people here care about you including me much kindness and support ❤️🤗

[Dragon3695 in reply to Hb2003]

It is appreciated with all Ixhave dealt with so far this year including 2 different people on here having attempted to use me because I tend to be an easy mark

[Hb2003 in reply to Dragon3695]

I am so sorry about that those people shouldn’t be doing that

[Dragon3695 in reply to Hb2003]

One thing my therapist got through to me that I have learned is there are always going to be people out there looking for an easy mark to take advantage of and with my confidence and self esteem being so low I'm an easy mark

[Hb2003 in reply to Dragon3695]

it makes me so mad that people do this it’s wrong 😤 they should be helping you not take advantage of you

[Dragon3695 in reply to Hb2003]

That is true but I am stronger for it because it has showed me how desperate for attention I tend to be when I am lonely and depressed and now I can work on keeping my.guard up better and just focusing on me and learning from my mistakes

[Hb2003 in reply to Dragon3695]

When you ask for help your not attention seeking .

[Dragon3695 in reply to Hb2003]

True but I am looking for more than help because I'm lonely and that is what makes me vulnerable

[Hb2003 in reply to Dragon3695]

It’s ok to ask for more than help if you need to chat someone or have a good conversation. I hope that those people understand and not take advantage of you

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Dragon3695]

It's an old song, but I thought you might relate.

I like the line: "No woman's worth crawling on the earth..."

youtube.com/watch?v=GzoIvwN...(Not working as expected?)