Me again, after almost 2 years without writing. I was doing emotionally better and then boom. It hit me, I don't have friends. And yes, I have some people I talk to and enjoy their company, guess that is what makes a friend, but I just realized that I lost my 11 year friend whom I considered my best friend but realized I wasn't hers. I don't think ever. Since I moved in 2015 I noticed a great shift in our dynamics. She went through a lot and honestly I wasn't there physically and I felt terrible. I tried my best to change things and found myself feeling like she wants me far away and I can respect that. Nonetheless, she has never explicitly said that she doesn't want to be my friend. She has been there in my worst and honestly I cannot blame her if I am too toxic for her. I recognize that she has a better friend and that's okay but it seems like I am less deserving than others. I am being selfish. I just feel alone. I feel like I am everyone's second option of friends like the back up friend. I am emotionally exhausted and just want to not care but sadly I do. What can I do?
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Starlove
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(((hugs))) 💜 you're not alone with the feelings you're having. There is great support here. Alot of very kind people worthy of being called a friend. Keep reaching out. I'm here if you would like someone to talk to or even just vent to.... I truly understand how u feel. I'm only a message away.
I have friends from high school that I talk to every 10 years or so. I wish we could hang out like old buds, but we've tried it and it doesn't work. My life has gone in a completely different direction from theirs, and my thinking is completely different. Not sure if that's the case with you, but sometimes it happens.
Try not to ever feel fault in the end of a relationship. Generally speaking, no one is to blame for a relationship that doesn't continue. It's more that sometimes people just aren't the right fit for one another - not that there is anything wrong with either of them.
You didn't fall short, it just wasn't the right friendship match. Hang in there!
I’m in the same boat. My best friend of 27y just ghosted me one day. I noticed her pulling away but I didn’t focus on it because my dad was dying of cancer. One day I reached out and got no response. Waited a few days, reached out, nothing. Waited a week, reached out, nothing. Waited a month, reached out, nothing. All this time my dad was truly suffering and dying and my job was trying to fire me. She abandoned me. When I needed her the most, she was gone. When my dad passed my mom posted it on Facebook (I don’t have social media), my ex-friend saw it. She sent me flowers and a note with her condolences. It enraged me! I threw the flowers and the vase onto the road and watched cars drive over the glass and white roses. I was not only grieving my dad, but the loss of a 20+ year friendship….. 3 years later, haven’t heard a word. But, my cousin just randomly mentioned in conversation the other day that she got married and that he thinks she is pregnant…. Yeah that stung to hear that. To know she didn’t want me to be apart of those special moments that we talked about for years; as kids, teenagers, high school, college, first jobs, etc. I was nothing to her… and still am.
Wow, that is deeply hurtful. First let me respectfully acknowledge your pain of having a parent die of cancer. I am so sorry. Second, yeah you are also grieving the loss of someone who is not physically present but they are alive. I feel that, that I am grieving her loss, and yeah she is allowed to have other friends and support but to just know that she consciously decided to leave, pains me.
Hi. You seem to recognize that you weren't there for her in the way you thought you should have been. Why not just look at what you could do different with your next best friend (and there will be one!) You are not less deserving or selfish or someones' back up friend because you didn't handle things the way you would have liked to. It makes you human and able to learn from your mistakes. Grieve the relationship and move forward with the lessons you learned. Hope that helps a bit.
Can I be Brutally Blunt? You say that you were HER Best friend but she was never yours? What you have is an 'Emotional Sponge', it will TAKE whatever you give it BUT- even if you Wring it, you won't get the Support back!
Have YOU taken HER out to Dinner/ Lunch? Has she Returned the favour? Ditto the Pub, Cab, Night Out- or am I being too 'hard'? If so then I'm genuinely sorry and please Dis-Regard the rest of this 'Post'.
Still with me? Thought so! You need to Distance yourself from this 'Friend', yes the Party was fun and That Joke....! However your Emotional Stability, actually DEMANDS, that you step away. Can you not HAVE to 'Visit Grandma/ Great Uncle Bob/ Cousin Racheal' for a while.... they Really Are Not Well, you know! Suppose you Stay a while, it's a Good Area after all, and they would appreciate it.
Sorry if I sound Uncaring Starlove, it's actually the opposite- I Care very much and, it's for this reason, I'm advocating 'Distancing' yourself.
If after six months, or so, you receive a letter/ text/ email Apologising 'profusely' and Begging you to return, then you have a DIFFICULT Choice to make. My 'bet' is that you won't 'hear' anything AND you 'like' it where you have Moved to, don't you?
Whatever you decide, my friend, please know that, All Out Love- and Prayers- are with you Starlove.
It is true that we do sometimes outgrow friends. Sometimes we have friends just like seasons they're there for that time and then they are gone.
You have to find friends who truly understand what you have and what you are going through. Be honest and try to be thoughtful of others. Anxiety can sometimes be a pain in the ass. You don't always want to go out because of anxiety you prefer to stay in. Kind of the same with depression I think about it. But a good friend tries his or her best too work around that. Like my best friend that I've known for over 18 years now. I told her I couldn't visit her for her birthday. Well this year. Because my anxiety has been through the roof and we can't do our usual annual birthday exchange. I told her I felt more comfortable if I just mailed her her gift even though we live in the same city. She said that's fine. She got her gift and loved it well two gifts cuz it came in two separate deliveries. And me she got me a lovely gift box that had a wine tumbler a metal straw, a cosmetic bag, a wine cork, a compact mirror, a little bouquet, and a candle. We think so much alike that we both gave each other candles. If you feel like you're taking too much then you should reach out and ask. You don't know what you don't know. And assuming things isn't always the best idea. Should reach out and ask. It might hurt if that person tells you that yeah we ran apart. Or we don't longer should be friends. But at least you have an answer. It's not up in the air or in your head. And I suggest maybe looking into yourself and find why you're so wonderful. You are very deserving of a friend. You don't deserve to feel alone. Just because you're a little weird. I find the the weird ones make the best friends. I should know because I'm a weirdo 👽😂
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