Feel like giving up: I have had severe... - Anxiety and Depre...

Anxiety and Depression Support

63,209 members62,165 posts

Feel like giving up

Dahearn profile image

I have had severe manic depression and anxiety for over 25 years. I have taken every anti-depressant they make. One of them cause me severe side affects, I gained over 100 lbs, I now have diabetes, high cholesterol. I’m in more pain now than I have ever been. I know it’s getting worse. I have no support system with my family and friends. I never leave the house, I do have good days. I hide my depression I always have. So now nobody really believes I have it. My diabetes is so out of control. I just want to give up. What’s the point. I’m not good for anything or anybody. I start fifty things and never finish. I have piles of papers that I need to go through. I’ll do a few, then stop. I should be online with this group, but I don’t. I should take my sugar glucose but I don’t. And I don’t understand why I’m like that.

26 Replies

I’m not personally experienced with manic depression but as someone with their own host of issues and problems I know how hard it can be. Depression truly does leech away all motivation you might have and it’s hard to get going and to care about taking care of yourself.

A couple of months ago I had a realization that what I see when I look at myself is so vastly different then what others see and I couldn’t justify why. I’ve always had a very negative view of myself. I’m not good enough for anything or anybody, I’m a failure because I didn’t live up to the expectations of a younger me, I’ll never be happy and nobody really loves me, etc. Life always got in the way but the point I’m trying to get at is try and change your outlook on yourself.

Find some people to talk to, that certainly does help but also try and adjust your thinking on little things. No antidepressants may have worked but you were brave and strong enough to keep trying for example. Don’t focus on what you aren’t getting done but give yourself praise for what you do. A few papers done is that much closer to being done. Maybe next time you can do a few more than last time.

Think of something in your life you take pride in. When in doubt think “I did that right,” “Other people would have given up but I didn’t,” or something similar. Focus on the little victories and fight like hell to not dwell on the problems and perceived failures. It’s hard and you won’t always succeed but maybe it’ll help a little.

Either way best of luck getting better!🙂. We could all use it and I’m sure most people on here are willing to listen.

I absolutely relate to most of your feelings. I too, tried several medications and treatment. I came across TMS one day on Facebook and applied. You sound like an excellent candidate. Do you have insurance because they’ll most likely cover it. I go everyday Monday through Friday and the treatments are so relaxing and I’m feeling better. The statistics and success stories are incredible. I hope you feel better. If you ever want to talk or learn more about TMS please message me. You’re going to get through this. It doesn’t feel like it right now but even taking baby steps like going for a short walk each day or doing a small project helps. Lots of hugs 🤗

what is TMS? Can you explain to me how that works. Thanks!

It’s by NueroStar. It stimulates the neurons that are on the part of the brain that has depression to waken them. It’s every weekday, about 20 minutes for 6-9 weeks. But people said it changed their lives! If you’ve tried several medications, therapists, psychiatrists and other forms of therapy, it makes you a good candidate and most insurance covers it. You just have to go to NueroStar and find the closest TMS Treatment Center.

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply to MariaLove123

My brother had TMS for his autism ☺️

Dahearn profile image
Dahearn in reply to MariaLove123

I had Electric shock therapy a few years ago, and I had the TMS therapy as well. My doctor wants me to try it again. It didn’t hurt, but I had to drive one hour to get there, had the treatment, and then drove an hour home. My husband took me when he could. At first it was mentally and physically exhausting. But now there is a place that is a little closer. I started taking the therapy in October, and of course I missed a few appointments, but it took me through the holidays, which is probably not the best time. It was a little different than I thought it was going to be. I thought I would be in a lounge chair and could watch TV or read. But I was in a very small room sitting in a office chair and I wasn’t allowed to move. I think this new place is a little bit better. I didn’t talk or move my first two sessions, so the twenty minutes I sat there seemed like two hours. After that, I would talk to my husband or to the girl and time did go by a lot faster.

MariaLove123 profile image
MariaLove123 in reply to Dahearn

Wow that first place does not sound right. When I go to TMS it’s a nice room and I lay in a dental chair and watch tv. It’s so relaxing. I could see how it might not work the way it’s supposed to if you’re driving an hour there and back. I hope this new place goes better for you. The success stories I read make me have more confidence in the results. And it’s very common to go for reboots every once in a while after the full treatment is over. Good luck! Keep us posted! X

What is TMS?

I wonder why you hide the depression from others? I don’t understand how that can help you.

socalpoppy profile image
socalpoppy in reply to Rpan

I do this. Sometimes its really just an attempt to hide it from myself.

Rpan profile image
Rpan in reply to socalpoppy

It’s so hard to accept these issues especially when feeling down. It not accepting who we are keeps us in a constant spiral. We are perfect as we are fully able to love ourselves.

Dahearn profile image
Dahearn in reply to Rpan

I think I have had depression for years and really didn’t know. And the way I was brought up, my family didn’t understand what depression really was or if it really was a illness. Even today, my mom is 90, and she knows I can’t work, but she would never tell you it was because I had depression. I don’t remember my childhood at all, and I wish sometimes I could remember things that may have caused it.

I guess the symptoms you have are part of the disease ( starting loads of things and never finishing, not medicating etc) I have a friend who has mild bipolar and she is very much like this. Such a kind soul but unable to sustain things which I find so sad as she is a truly beautiful person. She won't medicate and I've always put it down to that, but it sounds like you've tried every medication out? But you don't mention any meds for bipolar as antidpressants don't work for people who are bipolar. (they will usually not be prescribed without a mood stabiliser as well as they can make you high.) Maybe you meant bipolar meds when you said AD's but if not it's essential you tell your psychiatrist what effects your meds are having. It very much sounds though like you only get depressive symptoms? Is it bipolar 2? Sorry but I am just trying to understand.

My friend spends several months at a time unable to leave the house. Again I have always put this down to her unwillingness to medicate and yet you are medicating and the same, which surprises me. I know that the right combination can really help so I would keep going down that route and maybe just keep on telling the doctors what is and isn't working. Hope this helps just a little.

Depression causes someone to lose interest in things. Please take care of yourself. You are the only "you" in this world and when i feel this way, i realize some people are struggling to live and i think of giving up. Please dont give up. YOU CAN DO THIS, slowly, little by little, everyday set one small goal and no matter how hard you wany to give up, DON'T. Please keep us posted. We're here for you! Sending hugs!!

I'm so sorry you're going through this but please know how special you are, there is only one you. I'm here for you & will try to help you out in any way. Love, peace, light, joy & hugs!

Someone asked me why I hide my depression. And it made me feel guilty, like I was doing something wrong, and I had to give them an answer. I couldn’t sleep. I don’t really know why, I wish I did. I don’t know why about a lot of things i do and don’t do. It’s a horrible feeling. It’s like all I do is take of space, I have no purpose.

You sound like me. Depression is why. It unmotivates me and I have anxiety and panic to begin with. Are you on the Diabetes site? I am not however I know someone on it and it appears very helpful. There's also weight loss.

Is there a possibility of talking to your doctor and trying a new med?

I would suggest starting very slow and planning so much time to go through your papers say maybe 15 min every other day. Maybe a walk around the block every other day.

Are you in therapy? You're in a safe place here and whatever you're going through I can bet you a huge bunch of folks here are going through the same thing.

Also I recommend you join as many sites as possible. Anxiety, depression and Anxiety, men's health, diabetes, manic depression, losing weight,

The more people you'll meet

This is a very safe place and you'll make a lot of friends who've been where your at. Nobody can hurt you here. People are moderator's here and watch.

What do you think?

I'm here for you please message anytime!

Luna Child 🌈🌞🌻🌼🌷🤗👍

Dahearn profile image
Dahearn in reply to Luna_Child

I have been to so many therapists. I just started a new one a little over a month ago. I made it through the first couple of weeks and stopped. They are not having office visits so we had to do it online. It just made me feel uncomfortable. I do go to a psychiatrist, usually once a month. She just switched my meds. But I haven’t started them yet because of all the side effects. I’ve been on just about everything, and nothing seems to help. I spend most of my day in bed, sometimes watching TV.

Luna_Child profile image
Luna_Child in reply to Dahearn

Unfortunately it's Telehealth for all of us to keep safe. What med are you worried about? I'm concerned about your withdrawal symptoms. That's good that you're still with your Therapist.

Don't ever give up because the hurt it would cause people who love you would be detrimental. You have lots of life ahead and the good people here will help you get through it.

Luna Child

Dahearn profile image
Dahearn in reply to Luna_Child

I’m suppose to be taking Olanzapine/Fluoxetine. Six years ago I was put on Seratonin, I gained over 100 lbs. That’s when I got diabetes, and high cholesterol.

Luna_Child profile image
Luna_Child in reply to Dahearn

Yes I understand. I mean by stopping are you getting withdrawal like dizziness, nausea , vomiting

Dahearn profile image
Dahearn in reply to Luna_Child

No, I was lucky I didn’t have any withdrawal symptoms.

Luna_Child profile image
Luna_Child in reply to Dahearn

That's definitely lucky. The only one that's worked for me is Cymbalta and Klonopin together

Dahearn profile image
Dahearn in reply to Luna_Child

I’ve taken both of them. I’m on Vyvanse now, which is really for AHDH, but it does get me up. I also take Xanax, but I only take it at night to sleep. My husband works at night, which I hate, my daughter still lives with us.

Luna_Child profile image
Luna_Child in reply to Dahearn

Xanax is pretty good. How are things with your daughter?

Dahearn profile image
Dahearn in reply to Luna_Child

How did you know about my daughter? She will 38 on Wednesday. She was born handicapped. But she does pretty good. She has a fiancé and they are trying to find a house to buy.

You may also like...