Feel like giving up: I have had severe... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Feel like giving up

Dahearn
Dahearn

I have had severe manic depression and anxiety for over 25 years. I have taken every anti-depressant they make. One of them cause me severe side affects, I gained over 100 lbs, I now have diabetes, high cholesterol. I’m in more pain now than I have ever been. I know it’s getting worse. I have no support system with my family and friends. I never leave the house, I do have good days. I hide my depression I always have. So now nobody really believes I have it. My diabetes is so out of control. I just want to give up. What’s the point. I’m not good for anything or anybody. I start fifty things and never finish. I have piles of papers that I need to go through. I’ll do a few, then stop. I should be online with this group, but I don’t. I should take my sugar glucose but I don’t. And I don’t understand why I’m like that.

15 Replies
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I’m not personally experienced with manic depression but as someone with their own host of issues and problems I know how hard it can be. Depression truly does leech away all motivation you might have and it’s hard to get going and to care about taking care of yourself.

A couple of months ago I had a realization that what I see when I look at myself is so vastly different then what others see and I couldn’t justify why. I’ve always had a very negative view of myself. I’m not good enough for anything or anybody, I’m a failure because I didn’t live up to the expectations of a younger me, I’ll never be happy and nobody really loves me, etc. Life always got in the way but the point I’m trying to get at is try and change your outlook on yourself.

Find some people to talk to, that certainly does help but also try and adjust your thinking on little things. No antidepressants may have worked but you were brave and strong enough to keep trying for example. Don’t focus on what you aren’t getting done but give yourself praise for what you do. A few papers done is that much closer to being done. Maybe next time you can do a few more than last time.

Think of something in your life you take pride in. When in doubt think “I did that right,” “Other people would have given up but I didn’t,” or something similar. Focus on the little victories and fight like hell to not dwell on the problems and perceived failures. It’s hard and you won’t always succeed but maybe it’ll help a little.

Either way best of luck getting better!🙂. We could all use it and I’m sure most people on here are willing to listen.

I absolutely relate to most of your feelings. I too, tried several medications and treatment. I came across TMS one day on Facebook and applied. You sound like an excellent candidate. Do you have insurance because they’ll most likely cover it. I go everyday Monday through Friday and the treatments are so relaxing and I’m feeling better. The statistics and success stories are incredible. I hope you feel better. If you ever want to talk or learn more about TMS please message me. You’re going to get through this. It doesn’t feel like it right now but even taking baby steps like going for a short walk each day or doing a small project helps. Lots of hugs 🤗

what is TMS? Can you explain to me how that works. Thanks!

It’s by NueroStar. It stimulates the neurons that are on the part of the brain that has depression to waken them. It’s every weekday, about 20 minutes for 6-9 weeks. But people said it changed their lives! If you’ve tried several medications, therapists, psychiatrists and other forms of therapy, it makes you a good candidate and most insurance covers it. You just have to go to NueroStar and find the closest TMS Treatment Center.

I had Electric shock therapy a few years ago, and I had the TMS therapy as well. My doctor wants me to try it again. It didn’t hurt, but I had to drive one hour to get there, had the treatment, and then drove an hour home. My husband took me when he could. At first it was mentally and physically exhausting. But now there is a place that is a little closer. I started taking the therapy in October, and of course I missed a few appointments, but it took me through the holidays, which is probably not the best time. It was a little different than I thought it was going to be. I thought I would be in a lounge chair and could watch TV or read. But I was in a very small room sitting in a office chair and I wasn’t allowed to move. I think this new place is a little bit better. I didn’t talk or move my first two sessions, so the twenty minutes I sat there seemed like two hours. After that, I would talk to my husband or to the girl and time did go by a lot faster.

Wow that first place does not sound right. When I go to TMS it’s a nice room and I lay in a dental chair and watch tv. It’s so relaxing. I could see how it might not work the way it’s supposed to if you’re driving an hour there and back. I hope this new place goes better for you. The success stories I read make me have more confidence in the results. And it’s very common to go for reboots every once in a while after the full treatment is over. Good luck! Keep us posted! X

What is TMS?

I wonder why you hide the depression from others? I don’t understand how that can help you.

socalpoppy
socalpoppy
in reply to Rpan

I do this. Sometimes its really just an attempt to hide it from myself.

Rpan
Rpan
in reply to socalpoppy

It’s so hard to accept these issues especially when feeling down. It not accepting who we are keeps us in a constant spiral. We are perfect as we are fully able to love ourselves.

Dahearn
Dahearn
in reply to Rpan

I think I have had depression for years and really didn’t know. And the way I was brought up, my family didn’t understand what depression really was or if it really was a illness. Even today, my mom is 90, and she knows I can’t work, but she would never tell you it was because I had depression. I don’t remember my childhood at all, and I wish sometimes I could remember things that may have caused it.

I guess the symptoms you have are part of the disease ( starting loads of things and never finishing, not medicating etc) I have a friend who has mild bipolar and she is very much like this. Such a kind soul but unable to sustain things which I find so sad as she is a truly beautiful person. She won't medicate and I've always put it down to that, but it sounds like you've tried every medication out? But you don't mention any meds for bipolar as antidpressants don't work for people who are bipolar. (they will usually not be prescribed without a mood stabiliser as well as they can make you high.) Maybe you meant bipolar meds when you said AD's but if not it's essential you tell your psychiatrist what effects your meds are having. It very much sounds though like you only get depressive symptoms? Is it bipolar 2? Sorry but I am just trying to understand.

My friend spends several months at a time unable to leave the house. Again I have always put this down to her unwillingness to medicate and yet you are medicating and the same, which surprises me. I know that the right combination can really help so I would keep going down that route and maybe just keep on telling the doctors what is and isn't working. Hope this helps just a little.

Hidden
Hidden

Depression causes someone to lose interest in things. Please take care of yourself. You are the only "you" in this world and when i feel this way, i realize some people are struggling to live and i think of giving up. Please dont give up. YOU CAN DO THIS, slowly, little by little, everyday set one small goal and no matter how hard you wany to give up, DON'T. Please keep us posted. We're here for you! Sending hugs!!

I'm so sorry you're going through this but please know how special you are, there is only one you. I'm here for you & will try to help you out in any way. Love, peace, light, joy & hugs!

Someone asked me why I hide my depression. And it made me feel guilty, like I was doing something wrong, and I had to give them an answer. I couldn’t sleep. I don’t really know why, I wish I did. I don’t know why about a lot of things i do and don’t do. It’s a horrible feeling. It’s like all I do is take of space, I have no purpose.

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