Relationship Anxiety

[2bluee]

Hi i go by D, im 26 and deal with depression, anxiety, & recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Its something ive struggled with my whole life but defintitly has gotten worse as I get older and its effecting my relationship.

Ive been dating my boyfriend for 4 years and I, for awhile, feel like hes my forever one ya know. Ill admit I came into the relationship with trust issues, mainly because ive been cheated on by almost every boyfriend. The first 2 years we broke up a few times, I always had a feeling he wasnt being completely loyal or honest and whenever I tried to talk about it he would get mad and make me feel like its all in my head & my own insecurities that I put on him. It tore me apart that I finally found someone I wanna be with and i cant get out of my own head. I finally did the toxic thing and went through his social media - i found 2 years worth of lies...flirty convos with girls, pictures, videos, so many girls. I was right about it all and he still looked me in the face and made ME feel like the crazy one. That was our last break up 1 year ago.....

Since getting back together about a month after that he made serious efforts to show his love for me , his promiseses of loyalty and transperancy. He started going to therapy, listening to me more, etc. It made a diference thats why I stuck around.

Dealing with all of that on top of my mental health issues its hard sometimes to not let it effect me so hard cause i love him so much and I want it to work but im so paranoid. Anytime i say anything he blows up and i shut down. Hes been really good but my thoughts and paranoia take over and I still question him and its not fair and i know that but it puts knots in my stomach, unable to eat, sleep, think right.

How do I not let my anxiety overhwlem me into thinking hes doing something

[LDRinpink]

I am going to preface this by saying that I apologize but this is going to be really blunt, my intention is not to offend you, but I want you to understand you can do so much better. The fact that you had these feelings about him cheating and it turns out he did cheat, means that you should trust your instincts. You were right in those feelings, they weren’t in your head. I don’t think he’s the one you should spend the rest of your life with. It’s obvious that it’s not a good relationship. It was not built on trust and he used your past relationships as a reason to gaslight you into thinking that you were making it up. It seems like although he is trying to improve, he is still gaslighting you. Please please please dump him. You deserve so much better. I promise you will find someone who you can trust and won’t cheat on you. I know it’s difficult considering you guys have been together for so long and you want it to work. But you can do so much better. I cannot stress this enough. I am so sorry you have experienced this so often. I think after you break up with him you should spend some time alone and learn to build trust with yourself so that if another piece of shit tries to gaslight you again, you will know that you’re insanely smart and your instincts are right. Then you can be closer to finding a healthy relationship. I know this is probably not what you wanted to hear, but I think it’s what you needed to hear. Sending peace and love

[FearIsALiar in reply to LDRinpink]

I agree. Of course that’s something someone never wants to hear but really it’s for the best!

[FearIsALiar]

I was in a toxic relationship that I got out of a few months ago. Clearly the first red flag 🚩 that stands out to me is him getting angry at you for telling him the way you felt and how you thought he was cheating. THATS A SIGN. If someone reacts like that they most likely are. If you always have had the feeling then trust your gut/intuition. No guy should ever make you feel like it’s all in your head. The proof is literally there for you to see.

My ex bf cheated on me the entire 3 years we were together. I had no clue, I always thought he was at work or sick. Turns out he had another relationship before me that I had no clue about because of how much he made up lies for me to believe. He was a narcissist. You should google that. Lots of good information on that.

You are not the crazy one...trust me. If a man cheats the first time there’s a 99% chance he will do it another time. Do not trust this person. He has given you 0 reason to trust him. He is spitting out lies to you. Those promises are FAKE. Trust me on this. My ex promised me the SAME THINGS after I got the truth out of him. He made all those promises which made me run back to him. Told me all these lies and even said he would be honest with me going forward...he was NOT. Girl you are better off with someone who’s gonna treat you right. This boy clearly doesn’t know how to love. You aren’t his mother and you shouldn’t need to teach him how to do that. If you’re questioning everything your best bet is to LEAVE. Do you want this boy to be the father of your children? Do you want your children to have a father who cheated on his mother?

I was in this same exact position..unable to eat, sleep, or even think right. That was my intuition telling me the relationship was not right for me and that I need to get the hell out of there. You deserve better. I really think you should leave that relationship. Save yourself from the further heartbreak. Better to get it over with now.

If you ever need someone to talk to please PM me. I am willing to help because I’m been in that same position. If a guy broke your trust by cheating theres a high chance he will never get that back

[ThePurpleTulip]

Hello ! At the risk of sounding spiritual, love is the complete opposite of fear. Of course in the case of attachment, there is always fear. I am going to be a little blunt, but when you love a person completely, there is no fear of that person leaving you. In the case of love, you enjoy each moment when you are with your partner and when you are apart, you are too busy enjoying your awesome life to worry about what he is doing. You're only 26, so here is the best advice for you - focus on making your love as awesome as possible, based on these three aspects - personal (activities, hobbies and alone time), professional (career, skills and competency development) and social (friends, community engagement). Then you can come from a place of strength and really think about why you are in this relationship - there are no wrong answers, only those which serve you and those which don't serve you. I completely remember what it was like to be a 26 year old woman, and it is not easy. However you need to ,"NEED TO", focus on yourself and becoming your best version. I know I sounded very blunt and cold but this was a time for brutal honesty. Please know my intention is not to offend you in any way. I truly believe the best thing for you is to focus on yourself first. Blessings.

[2bluee in reply to ThePurpleTulip]

I posted this after getting my first laptop in yearsssss & then I could not for the life of me remember how to get back on and i finally found the site today and read all these replies! Each and every one SO helpful. However in the last couple months trying to navigate through this, your response hit me the most as I've learned a lot about myself in going over my life I do hold so much value in relationships so when its not rainbow and butterflies it effects me so deeply.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post and write back, it was not cold/or too blunt for me. THIS IS WHAT I NEEDED. I can't say that since writing this my relationship is just oh so perfect now. and this is a really good reminder that not a lot has changed with this dynamic.

Im doing the BEST i possibly know how to, to focus all my energy on my business, the gym and spending more time with girlfriends. but its literally day to day i have to tell myself to do this. I wish it came more naturally to me or maybe thats where my imbalance comes into play, But youre 100% right, thank you.

[froggymom88]

Once our trust in a person has been broken ,it takes time and work to mend it. If you value the relationship and want to continue in it then you both have to continue the therapy. You might consider couples therapy.