This overwhelming sense of guilt is killing me. Why did my conscience have to be so strong? I am trying to move on and to learn from my mistakes, but something keeps holding me down. I keep telling myself “it’s your fault that everything is ruined now”, and someone also said the same thing to me.
All I want to do is lay in bed and sleep. I can’t even eat, enjoy the things that I like or look forward to the next day... I just feel numb.
I know running away from the problem won’t solve it and I know that I’m not the first or last human in earth to make mistakes, but I can’t take it anymore! I am starting to think that I don’t even deserve to live!
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Fatima_sh
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Hey, Fatima_sh.Everything you said is totally relatable. The conscience is a real b!tch (can we curse on here? Sorry, new lol)
I can’t tell you if you did or didn’t ruin everything. Obviously I don’t know your situation and I don’t want to pry.. but sometimes the little voice in our head is loud af and tells us things that aren’t true.
Maybe when you can lay in bed and sleep, do so! Take care of yourself as best as you can. If you can’t bring yourself to eat, maybe at the very least try drinking a juice to get nutrients into you? Or pick at something small and put it away for later.
I honestly feel like a hypocrite saying everything because I’m in the same boat as you. It’s hard to look forward to the next day when everyday is the same painful numbness. How is it that the collection of every negative feeling turns into numbness? It’s somewhat interesting , though horrible fo feel lol
And whatever mistake you did or didn’t make, however you’re feeling, you DO deserve to live. Because there’s so much out there. As ugly as everything may feel, it’s quite beautiful. One thing that helps me is to think of all the beautiful things in the world I haven’t felt, heard, smelt, seen, or experienced. If you don’t deserve to live, why would you of been born? An egg and sperm and millions of ancestors came together and formed you. You deserve to live, and you deserve to feel something again. And I know it’s hard, and I can’t tell you when that numbness and everything will get better (not even for myself), but I can promise you it’ll happen.
Hello Fatima.. I know how you are feeling.. I have been through multiple seasons like this in my life time.. I know that in life it is easier to forgive others than to forgive ourselves .. Recently i had a feeling of everything falling apart and i was struggling.. I started listening to pastors on youtube and motivational speeches.. There is a man on youtube. His name is RC Blakes and listening to him is really helping me and i also listen to New Hope Ministries in Naples,Fl and the pastor there really shines light on a lot of things i face .. I would encourage you to check them out .. Try to stay positive because in the end the only one hurting is you..
Yoh Fatima,Show me one person who has never done wrong and I will show u a lier. Conscience is God created and it is not for bad, it is meant to keep us in a right path. What if we do wrongs? We correct them and repent. According to my knowledge every sin is forgiven if a person realizes it is a sin and does not do it again. Why do u have to torture urself if u knew u did not sin on purpose? Forgive urself and if uve wrong others, apologize, make amends and never do it again. I know it might sound harsh but sleeping and not doing something about ur mistake will not help the situation. We are here for support and also offer ways to deal with staff so that we can move on.
Exercise for you.
Write an apology letter to yourself. You’ve apologized to those you wronged already, now it’s your turn,
Include in the letter how you offered remorse, if it fits, explain how you plan to make amends. Write what you’ll do differently next time.
Keep reminding yourself mistakes or wrongs you have done doesn't define you.
I think you should be comfortable saying you disappointed yourself..... BUT find strength in knowing making mistakes or wrongs towards others doesn’t define you. Rather than ruminating or lashing yourself with guilt, practice self-compassion. The very most important thing for you to remember is that you cannot heal in a self punitive environment. Time to give yourself some forgiveness.
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