How to make friends when I have trouble trusting anyone

[gzra4ij6v1]

I am severely socially isolated but I have a lot of trouble finding groups I enjoy being in. it's true that I do have oddly specific interests and tend to be uninterested in many things, but I think the bigger reason is I always have a deep desire to open up about my feelings but nowhere is a good place for it and then I don't feel like being there.

I blame myself a lot for not having found any real social circles, wondering without any evidence if it's because I am a bad person or have characteristics people wouldn't like that need to be changed.

I just want to be loved and to be able to heal from my life that's always been a little bit like this.

but trying to really be myself in front of other people never feels right and I feel like I need to ask them if every known part of myself is "acceptable" first.

I never really feel right anywhere I actually have to have a persistent name like Discord or Facebook because I feel vaguely as if people are one day going to look at that name and form negative associations like, this person doesn't know how to ask for help in a normal way and I don't want to bother, or this person doesn't know how to have the correct manners for this specific setting and is getting way too offended at things or way too careless about things.

I'm 26 and transgender. (this is near the bottom of the list of characteristics I worry about whether I should have.)

aside:

I don't know if anyone reading this has heard of Ultraman Series but I really love ultras. they make me feel as if nobody has ever been as nice to me as they behave toward people and I think about how if I lived in that universe and met one I would probably be as kind to them as I possibly could just because I have had so few chances to be definitely sure somebody loves me and loves interacting with me and I feel like I'm a good person

[Hidden]

I get that. I’m female, 63. I had 3 great friends and 2 of their brothers ever since I was 12. We lived in the same area and went to the Same schools throughout our lives. They have died throughout the years (1 brother still alive.....I live very far away but I talk to his wife every month or so

I didn’t have other “friends”. Now my girls have died and I still can’t find friends. I feel I am different somehow and have always been. I tried here in NE Florida for the past couple of years. I have felt they were just so different from me I did t feel comfortable with any of them. I’ve felt judged for my personality, my clothes, my depression and panic attacks (I never mention that though). I was told I was too depressed by one. And they all have more money and I’m married to a loner. He doesn’t want those women as friends! They have dinner parties and massages and all thieve expensive clothes. I’m from a city in Virginia. This place is a small city comprised of types of people I’m not even familiar with! I lived in Va for 50 years and had to leave due to a tragedy. I remarried within 18 months You are younger than I am I’m betting. Don’t be content with not trying any way. Organizations directed to you and local groups maybe? Didn’t work for me but worth the try! Good luck. You dont have to trust people to start off just meeting people with your interest, situation, etc. you really don’t have to be best friends to take a step in the right direction. It’s hard now with Covid 19 but conversing with like minded people is a step in the right direction. I don’t do Facebook any longer. It was causing me too much stress. I do text organizations that are local like our local Democrat page. Good luck and just get yourself right first. I was told I wouldn’t like other people until I liked myself.

[Myre in reply to Hidden]

You are right on that one, I get so caught up thinking low of myself that I have come to believe am not worth the effort to anyone at all but liking myself is such a far off prospect, I don't know of anything harder to achieve.

[BluePeppermint]

Hey guys! I'm not trans, but my most favorite cousin in the world is. Also FTM. This didn't happen until he was in his late 30s/early 40s, so it was challenging to start using "he" but I do it, because I love him. We come from a long line of depression and anxiety and I'm glad he is finally happy in his own skin. Suicide has been attempted more than once, and he was in the hospital for 3 weeks last time. No one should feel like their life is not worth living.

[Hidden]

Hi. Nice to meet you. My name is Andrea. I go to therapy and have some interesting interests too.

[BluePeppermint]

That's terrible, and I get it. My cousin's parents are awful. In fact, my aunt still introduces him as her "daughter" even though my cousin has a full beard! I was actually surprised the last time I was back home, we were going to meet up for dinner, and my parents tagged along. My mom is totally cool, but my dad is the kind of person you can never really tell what he's thinking. My cousin ended up picking up the tab and we had a really awesome time. I simply do not understand how family can be supportive. I come from a long line of mental illness, and no matter what I've gone through in life, my parents support me. If I told them tomorrow I was going to transition, they would be okay with it.

[BluePeppermint]

Well that makes me very sad. Are you from a small town with narrow minded people?

[BluePeppermint]

Yeah, I grew up in a small town too. People just aren't as accepting. I'm glad my parents moved to a city when I was 17. It opened my eyes to so much I never would have experienced. What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger.

[Myre]

I also worry that I have got a bunch of undesirable traits that causes me to be easily and immediately despised by the rest of the normal people. Am aware that I don't allow myself much chance of free expression though... Feeling awkward and disconnected from people, a bit ashamed of myself, so yeah, I can relate.