Prisoner of my own thoughts

[Bea85]

Hi everyone,

I wanted to connect with people who go through similar things. My anxiety has been really bad lately and I feel like I am a prisoner of my own thoughts. I feel as, I do not deserve to be loved and I don't allow anyone to see what a wonderful and funny person I am. I shut down and rather not talk to people, I feel like they judge me all the time and I am less then them. It's such a paralyzing feeling. I have so many irrational thoughts, like nobody loves me and that is clearly not true, but I just can't brake free of these thoughts. I know it's anxiety but I do not know how severe it is. Sometimes I cry uncontrollably. However I do many things that I am proud of myself for. Although, I have been in such a bad mood lately, I just want to hide, I feel like the world is closing in on me. I've been thinking about going for therapy and I do not wish to take any medication. I'm just trying to find ways to ease this pain and discomfort that I am feeling inside. Any thoughts or suggestions? Thank you for reading this!

[pink83737]

I go to therapy and it helped me a lot, and also look into something called mindfulness

[Bea85 in reply to pink83737]

Thank you for your reply. It's good to hear that therapy helped you a lot. I want to work on this, because I do not want to feel this way anymore or at least not to this degree. Thanks again! I wish you well!

[Skydreamer42]

I've been through similar things. It is possible to get out of it with the right support... Unfortunately my state of mind has been very cloudy the last few days. I'm sorry that I can't offer advice, but I've been there. Do seek therapy, it is worth a try, and this support group is a valuable resource. Being able to talk about your feelings when you need to is such a boon. I hope you will find that you are not alone, and that people care about you. I hope that you are able to cope with the reality that faces you, and that you find coping methods that bring you relief. I listen to music, watch interesting stuff on YouTube and inspiring shows. You are welcome here, you are not lesser, and your words are valued. Feel welcome here. You are not alone.

[Bea85 in reply to Skydreamer42]

Thank you so much for your kind words! Your reply was so comforting to read. Thank you! I'm sorry that you have been feeling off the past couple of days as well, I have been like this for a while now and just don't know what to do. Most of the time I feel so guilty for feeling this way, I feel as I should be happy and I give myself a hard time for it. Talking about it really truly feels good, especially with people who understand. Your coping methods sound like a great way of relief. I hope it brings you comfort. I made a plan today to workout regularly, because I love physical activity and because of attending school full time, I have been falling short on the above. I planned it out and wrote it on a dry erase board so I can visualize my plan and cross the days out, as I complete them. I just really hope that I will have the mental ability to keep up. I tend to stop doing things when I have a really bad day and I shouldn't. I will also seek out therapy as well because I know it in my gut that my issues are deeper than that. Thank you for listening and thank you for your support!

[Skydreamer42 in reply to Bea85]

That is perfectly fine. It sounds like a good plan and I am glad I was able to be of help. You deserve a chance at happiness. Most people do. I would say "Don't steal from your self that chance to be happy. Take every moment as it is, and every breath as an opportunity to consider things.(in a different light). Don't be hard on yourself when you feel slow. You do what you can. You do what you can and that is meaningful. You deserve to comfort yourself because you care about yourself and your happiness. You are on your way... And each moment is a little farther than you were before."

[Bea85 in reply to Skydreamer42]

You're so right about this and your thoughts are so inspiring. It was my first time posting here or joining any online support groups and I feel like the past 30 min, that I've been here has helped me more than anything else. Thank you for taking the time and talking to me. You know that's the thing I do care about myself and I want to feel better, I just have to slow down and give it enough time. We're all doing what we can each day and that is enough!

[Lindsey14]

I really do feel you! I'm like this too

[SavaSan]

Hi, it's so easy to feel completely isolated by anxiety, when in reality many people experience it daily in more or less severe forms. What really helps is to work on the awareness that you are NOT what you currently feel. There are no quick fixes regardless of the path of recovery you wish to take. There are many a thing to try while combating anxiety: reduce stress factors (less screen time, turning off notifications on your phone), physical exercise, talking to experts, and/ or joining groups that reflect on this, hanging out in nature more, finding hobbies, doing mindfunless, yoga and learning how to breathe. There are many options, but each and every need to be taken slowly, and every day counts. I'll try to keep this post short. Remember, even though you might feel completely scrambled right now, you are not what you feel! You are so much more! Wish you all the best.

[Bea85 in reply to SavaSan]

Yes, I feel like that's where the heeling process starts, being aware! I just have been feeling like I was drowning. I really had a hard time dealing with my thoughts and feelings lately. You really hit home with your suggestions about reducing stress factors. I've been trying to make little changes in my life, eating habits, exercise and today joining this group, which has helped me more than anything. Thanks you for your support. I will remind myself from now on that I am not what I feel, because I've been doing the opposite lately. Thank you for your inspiring words! I wish you well!

[SavaSan in reply to Bea85]

Yes, I'm no stranger to the debilitating sensation of drowning that you're mentioning. It's like a distortion of reality, where it's so easy to remain paralyzed, as being guided by fear. Sometimes it helps me to breathe into these feelings, letting them sink in. I find it better from running for a distraction, as it can be so temporary. Thank you for sharing, it's brave to reveal fears and work on our pain.

[Bea85 in reply to SavaSan]

Exactly! I can not agree with you more. I've been trying to understand it and just kind of feel it out, how can I cope with it. Being paralyzed and guided by fear is exactly how I've been feeling but I do not want it to run my life. I think being in tune with it and acknowledging it, helps! We're definitely brave and thanks for taking the time talking about it with me.

[SavaSan in reply to Bea85]

Hey, time is the ultimate gift we've got to give to each other! Also, if you haven't already check the internet for both evolutionary and historical aspects of anxiety disorders. Understanding it from these anthropological and cultural aspects can help us develop tools to cope with it better. It is to say that this is not something that we experience as individuals living in a modern society. We've been experiencing anxiety as a specie, ever since we've lived as foragers and it's been more or less encouraging as an incentive to survive and develop as humans. It's also to say that we need not to individualize, privatize and stigmatize anxiety as a personal problem that we are responsible to "get rid" on our own. We can keep it at bay so much better once we can overcome its mist of isolation. Good luck!

[Skydreamer42]

I just feel compelled to share this music video. It comes from a television show that aims to be supportive to people going through difficult times.

The song starts at :31

youtu.be/vYG_xlWQIF4(Not working as expected?)

[Bea85]

Wow, this is perfect!!!! Thank you a million times over! I know, that I am definitely not alone and "maybe I will find myself smiling on that distant shore" after all. This really truly warmed my heart today and for that I can not thank you enough. I had such a hard time today and I feel much easier after talking to you and others here. Thank you, you're a beautiful human being!

[JEG325]

Hi Bea85, how would you like to join a chatline with people who feel just like you? Circle Of Friends 4, a small chatline group made up of 13 people from this site could use a couple more people. Would you like to be one? It's free, secure and a part of this overall site. If you agree, I simply add your username and as soon as someone is on the line, your chat light will come on. Tap it and you are a part of that site. To respond, put a message in the message box and hit the blue send button. You may converse freely with anyone else on that chatline thereafter. What says you?

[Bea85 in reply to JEG325]

Hi, I would like to part of the group. Thank you!

[JEG325 in reply to Bea85]

You have been added! Shortly I will send you a message!

[JEG325]

You are member 14 of COF4. I will add you later today! Welcome aboard!