I really miss someone who left me in the dust a few years ago.

I am really bad at holding on to friendships and relationships, and sometimes I'm not totally sure if I said or did something wrong or if the other person is really the one who has some issues. It can be a difficult thing to try to figure out once the split has happened and the other person just doesn't want to communicate with you. Does anyone else feel like this too??? I don't want to go into all the details, but I miss someone I knew for a few years. It ended very abruptly and it was very hurtful. It was someone I had a professional relationship with and I never had romantic feelings towards him, but before the very end I was in a crisis situation and he helped me get through it. I was grateful and saw him as a hero. Next thing I know, suddenly I am having some really strong feelings for him and NOW he pulls away. And I will never really know if it was all one sided on my end or if he was having some feelings towards me too and he may have been freaking out himself, I will just never know and I'm left hanging on to memories of him. I know how there's the saying that if you want closure, you aren't going to get it. He has left me in his past, I wish I could do the same. Certain songs will always remind me of him, it's like I'm pining away for a ghost I will never see again. I tell myself it's high time I move forward and try to get over the crazy situation, these feelings aren't going away. There's also a saying that what is for you will not go past you, but it seems to me like everyone passes me up. And the one man who hasn't who I married when I was 35, I happen to be 50 now and I feel disappointed in him, I'm really over trying to make the thing work with him, we separated for awhile and he won't let me go, and I alternate between pushing him away and then being somewhat glad I can't get him to leave because everyone else does. I know maybe I'm not making a lot of sense, I don't understand myself either. I feel like I'm looking for someone that just doesn't exist sometimes, maybe I've read too many stupid romance novels, seems like real life is just a big letdown sometimes and I'd rather dream on. I keep missing someone who completely bailed. I can't seem to move on from anything. I don't know where my life is going, my goals I've had in the past are all convoluted. So these are my thoughts these days, if anyone can say anything encouraging or hopeful to me, I don't care how old you are or whether you're male or female, I just feel so sad right now. I'm just surviving, and when I was a younger woman I had hoped that by age 50 I would have my life together and I really don't. Sorry this post is all over the place.

[Hidden]

Wow, no replies at all.

[Afrohair]

I feel like at least you made a start to recovery talking about your feelings but I do feel some of these feelings are damaging and you have to move on this may be irrelevant to you but I have an ex partner it's been 7 years and he still says he loves me and I hate it!i want him to move on I have a husband and two kids to someone else just think that whoever you are dreaming about from your past has changed and nothing you imagine anymore he probably bailed because he knew you had feelings and didn't like it some people do that And get scared.I hope I show no offence to your post but I didn't know these things are so common I see a lot of posts lately of people grieving over their past and I feel like if the person you are thinking of knew that you had these feelings they would want you to move on and be happy and yes this is a form of grief !

[Hidden in reply to Afrohair]

Thank you. I think we became too close for either one of us to be able to handle it. It just really hurt the way he just left. And as for my ex husband I'm still friends with thing, I need to finally end that too. I hate feeling like I'm breaking his heart, but he's not going to move on unless I force it, he still will always mean so much to me, but he's dragging me down. Thank you for responding to my post!!!!

[Hidden]

I read it. Jumped off to think about it before replying.

Is this person considered a mentor? If it is, It’s not unheard of for a mentor to take personal interest in helping. Why he just left afterwards, maybe he got too close, maybe he felt he overstepped too much, maybe he felt you were getting to close....the questions and possibilities are there, but the closure isn’t there so you’ll always have a void. I have voids like this, but I use them as mere life’s experiences. Something was put in my path, but it wasn’t ever meant to be long term, it was meant for me to grow from it and move to the next path.

I don’t have solid advice or answers, but holding on to stuff keeps us from moving forward, I have a crap ton of experience doing that. I don’t anymore, I’m 53, but I have had to put a lot of things into compartments and locked boxes in my memory so they don’t impact my present and future.

Being stuck and not moving on keeps us in the same place. I hope you get it sorted out. You’re not old by any stretch, I’m 53, I still feel there’s plenty I can do at my age. For example I trained and ran in 1/2 marathons starting at 50, that was tough, I discovered a lot just committing to the discipline of doing it...so maybe you’ll break this age barrier you have on yourself too. You can still do amazing things with your life, you can still meet people you haven’t met yet that can be put in your path, but getting off the old one first is what you’ll have to do. Taking chances, making choices, do something small to challenge yourself, something that might help you get off the hamster wheel. I know easier said than done, but you can do it. 🌺💜

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Roxie, your advice is much appreciated!!!! I think a change would do me good. I've actually been staying with my ex lately because I just needed a break from my dad, but I'm headed back to my parents house after Christmas, and I need to end it once and for all. He's always going to mean a lot to me, but he keeps thinking we're something we are not. And the other guy is totally gone, it was just so painful the way he abruptly left, I sort of hope one day I might run into him but I have to face the fact that he is a void as you say. I think it's amazing you are running half marathons, way to go!!! I am starting a weight loss kick, I'm the heaviest I've ever been and this weight needs to go. I lost 50 pounds when I was 35, so I can do it if I keep at it. I do a lot of walking and if this pandemic ever ends I think doing a yoga or pilates class would be good for me to try again. Thanks again for your input, it means a lot to me!!!!