End of my rope ....almost completely

[BrokenHope]

I feel like the weight of the planet is crushing me. My exhusband, very much the narcissist is slowly killing any chance of me wanting to stay alive. No self confidence or self esteem left. I feel I am gonna just break apart soon....I know you’re thinking ex and yes we are divorced. Married 20 yrs n he calls me on his 15 min morning work break to say he wants a divorce. Totally blindsided!!!!never even saw it coming! Now It’s been 6 yrs and hindsight is 20/20! A Secret life. He won’t follow the support order so my electricity will be turned off in two days. I was never late w any bill until this. I’ve taken all I can take. Don’t want to even open my eyes in the morning because I pray God will just take me! But I’m still her. I gave all I had to my marriage only to live a lie. I am so depressed I wouldn’t even get out of bed but I must let them out to potty. My psychiatrist says go to therapy....how? Who? I have no insurance so where am I supposed to pull that money together! People who don’t understand depression think oh just go out n do something. I gave up trying to explain depression to anyone. I don’t have any friends left because when invited to go somewhere I just wanted to be left alone. And they all did just that. Sorry for the long message....just reaching out because no one I know is reaching in...to me. Thank you all for listening......

[Hidden]

Hi, I'm sorry you're going through all that. Your friends probably just didn't understand. You can't really explain depression. I am glad you have found HU and I hope you find some support here in this online community. There are lots of listeners here. Keep reaching out and read other's experience and ask questions, I hope you find it helpful. Don't give up. Best wishes.

[13ga]

major kudos to depressi - except for 1 minor disagreement.

i don't think a new boyfriend is the answer - that's just another escape...

i think you should work on being happy with you first.... then the boyfriends will be beatin down your door!

gonna reply directly now....

[13ga]

broken -

welcome. there's alot of people here that feel ya....

get help here - it's free. it's got lots of good people with good thoughts and ideas.

also get help here: nami.org they can hook you up with help at low cost, and also have some free options.

you can't explain depression to anyone that doesn't really understand mental illness. - it's like talking to a narcissist!!!! (and i assume you know what that like) :-|||

you're more likely to have an intelligent conversation with a mushroom.

i'm glad you reached out! no one can reach in if they don't know they need to reach in!!!

i don't know how much you trust your friends... but if any that you do - you may want to consider letting them in on where you at. if they leave - they ain't no friend you need. if they come in - maybe you have a true friend.... try trusting them in little steps.... and see if they can take the heat. if they can't - you havne't lost anything... but if they can - that can be some good "spit"....

[Junella]

I think this group should help as a beginning. I can't imagine such a creep. Apparently the two of you didn't talk. Anyway now it is up to you to change your thoughts and thus your feelings. You probably can't do this alone. You need people. It might not seem like it, but being with them does help dispel depression. So does exercise, nutrition and challenging yourself to start over. Don't let the creep control your future. You are better off without such a downer. Get a spiritual life and know that you are loved. Talk to your God as to a Friend. It has helped me. You need to like yourself again and get counseling from a free source on line. Sometimes pastors can help if they are trained as counselors. (Not all of them are.)

Are you without funds from not working? Are there children involved? I really feel sad for your situation.

[Simplysil1970]

Hi: I am sending you a hug, I am sorry that this is what's happening to you. I understand what it's like to deal with an ex-husband. I was married for 28 years to my high school sweetheart we had 3 children. He was an alcoholic during our marriage and when we broke up he started drinking more. He just passed away in July of this year from cirrhosis. He was 49. I know how hard it is to fight getting up to let out the pets, shower, eat or dress for the day. Even though it seems like it will never get better.... it will. If you need to talk to someone I am here to listen. Please be kind to yourself and just hang on things will turn around for you. 💝

[1light]

I can understand a lot of what your going through. Long term marriage and never saw the divorce coming. Everything built up over all those years gone in an instant. Wondering what your supposed to do now? No home left when the financial ruin of divorce sets in you can't afford to replace the house you lost on just one income. Your not alone. It's hell when your world is smashed with no warning. you go from feeling secure to worried to death about how your going to survive. Will I end up on the street? You find most family doesn't care and wont be there to help in any way. I'm Sorry for what happened to you. It's heartless and devastating and I hope you get through it somehow. I haven't found an answer yet. If I do I'll let you know. Your not alone and no one deserve such a betrayal.

[L775H]

Im sorry your going through that, I’m feeling some depression myself. It’s a horrible thing to deal with when someone just basically makes you crazy year after year, month after month, day after day. I hope you find some solice here. I have a lot going on and I feel horrible about all of it but I don’t feel like I can even talk about it. No one understands any mental illness or physical illnesses like I have and it’s so hard to live with. Stay strong

[jrgallaghe]

I have been there & return to that horrible place. periodically.I take a couple of med's,have telemed visits with psychiatrist & counselor.

Do NOT give up because then, that bum wins (in his mind).

You need legal support pronto. Check you local (City or County) Bar Association. The should have a Volunteer Legal Services group. Hopefully, someone can do something.

Try to do one nice thing for yourself every day.

Best Wishes.

[essentialk]

I'm really sorry you feel so alone. Your friends probably didnt know how to "reach in" to you. Depression is tuff to explain. Are you seeing a doctor? Taking meds? Sometimes they help. Hopefully this chat site will be a support to you. Everyone here is so willing. Have you tried counseling or reaching out to a local church. Can you do some volunteer work? Something to get your mind off your ex and on to a brighter day? I pray you will find some good support here. Stay strong.