At the end of my rope

[Obsidian75]

I'm a 31 y/o male and I'm just at my wits end. Part of my biggest stuggle with anxiety (for me) is when you're at your absolute worst, there's nothing that can be done. I've dealt with anxiety since 2012, depression since 2010, and have had my major ups and downs, as I'm sure we all have. Right now I'm in probably one of the deepest lows I've ever been in and don't know how to keep going. I want to keep fighting the good fight, but again, even at my worst, going to a crisis center in the US means simply going and being told there's nothing they can do for me and being sent away to dwell in my panic and pain by myself. It literally takes all I have to move from my apartment, while feeling in the deepest despairs of anxiety, sweating profusely, depersonalized, derealized and hopeless, to be able to go to work. I am an ICU nurse (working nights working on switching to days). I also have been really good at pushing through my anxiety and doing things regardless and I have to say, this is the hardest it's been. and I've even been outpatient in a clinic for psychosomatic symptoms for 2 months (which was amazing because I lived in Germany and didn't have to worry about wages or sick days because it was all covered) and now I live in the US and it's very much different. I just dont know what's wrong with me, a few months ago, I was just getting into a new relationship, going on a year at my job, planning trips in the US and abroad, and now I'm paralyzed and the thought of doing anything is overwhelming. I'm seeing a new therapist and hopefully psychiatrist, but it's just so hard to push through to get through the shift, or to the next appointment, etc etc. My brain can't imagine me being in a successful relationship, job, or life right now. I think about how my life isn't even that bad and if this is the way I am, what happens when I experience real trauma and have to cope? I already fear going crazy and constantly having anxiety that that's the way Im heading, and then I can't imagine what would happen if I have to deal with something bad in my life. I just don't feel like there's any hope for me. I google and google for anxiety treatments and help and success stories, and I feel like there's strikingly few, and that discourages me futher. Like we can do so many amazing things with tech and medicine and yet I'm still struggling with thoughts? How is this fair, or supposed to be inspiring or helpful when I'm desperate for healing and help. I just don't know how to go on like this....

[Kevo1]

Felt helpless reading your post. Wish I had answers. You have lot to be proud of, especially your job role, you done well and should congratulate yourself. It's hard to get to bottom of why we hit lows like this, I wish I knew. I myself is in a bit of a troff and I was optimistic 2 weeks ago. The fear in me is dominating my life again. I can only hope u get to a better place soon as you seemed in much better place recently with your plans. Good luck mate, wish u well.

[b1b1b1]

I hear what you are saying and it is very difficult. Try to find a psychiatrist for both talking and medication. That is the first and most important step and it is urgent. Otherwise, just know that your feelings are understood here. x

[gajh]

Welcome. You have come to a good place. There are people here who have recovered from anxiety and share their success stories. It is very inspiring. Hopefully it helps you to know that you are not alone.

[Misunderstood86]

You are not alone in those feelings I have similar feelings all the time. Im still struggling everyday.

[lauralidia]

Hope is getting a little bit better for you.I’m also an ICU nurse and I know how disconnected I felt working nights,it really throws your body and sleep into a weird loop.So here are the things that had worked for me for anxiety in the past.I’m going to a bunch of 12step meetings,coda,aca,eda sometimes even AA,they have them on zoom at all times of day or night.I don’t keep my camera on,most times I don’t even share.But it helps me hear people that are struggling with the same issues I have.I go for hikes/walks just to get out of the house,or I lay on a blanket in the backyard listening to birds.I do tapping when my anxiety is really bad and feel like jumping out of my skin.There are comforting guided meditations on YouTube.I like the really nice calming voice ones.I read a lot of self help books.Not currently seeing a therapist but in the past it was real helpful to talk to one.I do mirror work,look for Louise Hay videos on YouTube.Incredibly thankful you are out here looking for support,just remember you are always moving forward even when you feel in a dark pit.Sending you a big hug,hang in there!

[Cowbsky]

Hi,

_ based just on my long life journey (used to think a long while I suffered from depression, panic, and so on);

_ have to wait until some 65 to find out my problem was poor breathing and restless legs, completely destroying my sleep quality;

_ then, since then, I pretty much fixed both conditions, which led me to a rebirthing;

So, it does not cost me nothing ask you: have already checked on your night breathing quality, into details, to see about problems with Upper Airways Resistence Syndrome, sleep apnea, running well through sleep phases, and so on?

all the best and good luck

[punkster]

I am not a therapist, and I have no credentials to make diagnosis. I'm just going to give my thoughts regarding why you might have hit a low. You are a healthcare worker and you have been through a lot of trauma with Covid. Sometimes we are able to work through things while they are happening, but once things slow down (Covid) we are able to react (anxiety and depression). Also, it doesn't help that so much has gone on in the world that is depressing. Our country is fragmented, climate change is starting to come to fruition, mass shootings are happening nearly every day, and the Middle East is a total mess and it doesn't look like the war will end in a long time. That's enough to make anyone depressed and anxious. Maybe try and address PTSD with your therapist/psychiatrist?

[Starrlight]

I think you are amazing , strong person. I’m so sorry you are suffering. It sounds so hard. Look for any glimpse of light you can hold onto until hopefully some relief comes. After every difficulty comes ease.