I've been taking medicine and going to therapy for a month in a half but I'm not feeling better at all. I'm just a loser and alone. I wish it could all end.
Getting worse: I've been taking... - Anxiety and Depre...
Getting worse
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Llama00
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Don’t say that and try to remember your dreams or try to pray or music to uplift you
I know how you feel, but you are not a loser. Sometimes things just don't work right away. I've been to therapy multiple times and only now am I starting to maybe see a hint of results. I've tried two antidepressants which haven't worked but I have hope that one will. You're not alone, you have all of us here ❤️ Is there anything you enjoy which you can do right now? It could be good to create a box in which you put things to help you when you're down, like reasons to live or why life is beautiful. Maybe you could watch some funny or heart-warming videos to get out of that headspace?
Congratulate yourself for reaching out and trying, you are worthy of a good life and you will get it ❤️
I’m really sorry about how you’re feeling. Being done with life is an old friend of mine. It’s exhausting and boring as fuck.
Personally, therapy made me feel a LOT worse before it started making a difference. And it does not make you feel “better”. It should give you insight. It should bring things to your attention that you may need to work on, or deal with, or pay attention to.. therapy is work, my friend. It is hard and messy. Like cleaning out a closet. You’ve got to take EVERYTHING out and clear all that dust out and it looks like a fucking disaster for a while and is so overwhelming! BUT, if you’ve got a good therapist they will help you clear out some shit, and prioritize what needs to be put back and what needs to be let go.
It helps. It builds skills. But it doesn’t get rid of anything for you. You’ve got to be the one who does it. Just my opinion.
Hang in there. It's possible you may feel better tomorrow.
Hi Llama, good to hear from you!
There are no losers here. Are you still exercising (I remember you saying you went to workout with a friend)?
Hi Llama00, I've read your responses to all the good people here giving you support.
You see dear, unless we turn our negative thinking around nothing will change. Tomorrow will be the same as today. What you think is what you get is true.
It takes more than medication and therapy in order to get better. It takes Action by going
forward in life and not staying stuck in this cycle of hopelessness and regret.
I hope you give us a chance to help you help yourself by changing your attitude about life.
You're not living life Llama, you just existing. Let us help you by walking the walk with you.
I know we can make you see by not focusing on the negative all the time, positivity can
get through. 
xx
Even when I try to have hope and be positive I just feel worse when it fails.
Hi Llama, before I call it a night, I'd like to recommend you take a listen to this video.,
It might be able to give you some reasons why nothing seems to work and why you feel
worse when it fails. (as well as how to turn this feeling around)
Go into YouTube and type in "Catastrophizing: How to Stop making yourself Depressed and Anxious (Cognitive Distortion)" by Anxiety in a Nutshell
I think you will get something out of it or at least it will allow you to think about what
you heard. I'm saying "goodnight" but will be on again tomorrow morning. xx
I lived a life of self hatred. Don’t give up, if my life could change, so can yours. There are people here to support you, and I’m sure you have family or friends who care for you and those in this group that have expressed that as well. Believe me, I’ve been right where you’re at, and life can be better.
Did you have any good times earlier in life?
No, my entire life has been terrible to me. I started hating life and thinking I'd be better dead since 7. Things just never changed for me.
What about before 7?
No, before was still sad just not as sad. I grew up feeling like an outcast and always a burden.
Why did you feel like an outcast and a burden? Also, you didn't answer my question. Not a single good memory from before 7 either?
I did I said no. I didn't fit in anywhere at home or school.
I thought you might be a bit young as you seem to be speaking so much in hyperbole. But just as it is impossible to go through life, even just 25 years, without an unpleasant event or memory, it is equally impossible for anyone to live even just 25 years without even one single positive event or memory.
We can live days without water, weeks without food, but no-one can live even one single day without any hope at all. In other words, if you really have nothing positive to remember and therefore nothing to hope for, you would have killed yourself a very long time ago. But you are still here, which means you do still have hope, and hope without something positive to remember and base that hope on is impossible. Therefore you do have some positive things to remember, and now is the time to focus on them and build on them. I think you might be denying their existence because you fear that by not painting EVERY aspect of your existence in pitch black, people won't have as much sympathy for you. Or they may trivialize your pain. Or maybe you think it will force someone who is holding back a miracle cure to finally relent and cure you. Or something.
On that note, NONE of this is to dismiss or trivialize the difficulties you have had and are having. I am mentally ill too. In 1994 I came terrifyingly close to buying a gun and eating it. I have GAD, dysthymia (notoriously hard to cure) with double depression and lately I can go back and forth from relative calm to mental hell several times a day when it used to be that each cycle would be days or weeks. Because dysthymia is difficult to cure, barring some new medical development, I don't expect that I will ever be entirely free of mental illness in this life. In other words, I am in the river with you, not just lecturing you from the safety of the riverbank in the hollow tones of someone who just can't possibly understand.
But you have to decide whether you want to fight this illness or not. It's a wearying fight, the path of suffering is very narrow and steep, but it's worth the climb. But no-one can help you or do anything for you if your answer is no. All the more reason to focus on the good things and reverse this biochemical tailspin you are in. Thinking of these good things, more importantly, will put you in touch with your Maker who is the Author of all good things. On the other hand, repeating these negative mantras will just make things far worse. (Put another way, have they helped?)
The first time you try to force yourself to replace a negative thought with a positive one, it will be like trying to bench press an 18-wheeler off your chest. It will tempt you to quit. DO NOT. You will get stronger. After a while, it will become second nature. You will still have bad days but you will be calmed and reassured by the fact, learned from hard experience, that they don't last, and they will become fewer and farther between. You will see that life is still overwhelmingly worthwhile.
I am 56, and have been fighting the good fight longer than you have been alive. There are folks around, maybe even lurking at this site, who have been fighting since before even I was born. They're still here. They haven't given up.
How about you? What will it be?
Thanks for the response. I don't know what it will be.
Do you want some hope, peace, happiness and good times? If the answer is yes, then you do know what it will be.
What is your diagnosis?
I have clinical depression and social anxiety.
Great response Zhangliqun...... Life experience comes out loud and clear xx
Oh no! Please do not think that way. Going through mental illness is a long battle to be fighted with a lot of patience and perseverance. For myself it took lot of years, almost a decade. Every progress along this journey counts. You are not alone, we are all in this together!
You will get through. Stay intact!
I'm sorry you are going through this Llama. It sounds like you are fully submerged in The Funk, even though you are doing things that should help.
I know how impossible it seems when you are depressed but: can you get some exercise? Can you try to get up a good sweat for 30 minutes? It will release endorphins and give you a sense of wellbeing in a way that can even rival medicine.
My medicine for depression-heavy bipolar disorder doesn't always work, but if I can drag myself to the exercise bike and put on a video and crank for 30 minutes, I feel better.
Remember the song just pick your self up and start all over again. I know how hard it is you are not a loser your not well an part of that is feeling negative. You proved your not a loser by reaching out that's a brave start . Love and hugs xx
My first, and best, therapist used to tell me, “It didn’t happen overnight, it won’t go away overnight, but it will get better.” That became like a mantra for me. I still have to remind myself of that.
Plus, I definitely know how that feels to think one is a loser and wanting it all to end. It’s very hard to hold on, but next time something good happens (there must be something, sometime, I hope), cling to it as tight as you can.
I’ve been fighting this for over 30 years, it’s those “good times” that pull me through. Wishing you well and for what it’s worth, sending you strength and peace. ❤️
Llano, if you have always felt lonely and depressed you may be like me. I just found out a year ago that I have a genetic defect. My dr suggested a DNA test that shows how I metabolize medications. Well the results also revealed that I metabolize folic acid too quickly. This explains everything. The folic acid we get in food is so important because it helps our mood. We store it and my body doesn’t. It basically dumps it. It explains the miscarriages I had and the depression I suffered for years. I’m 55 and I’ve lost track of the number of medications I’ve been given over the years and non of them really worked. I’ve been in therapy for most of my life since I was 25, as well as hospitalized. I now take a supplement that has already metabolized folic acid and I’m living a life I’ve never known before. I’ve been on it since early this year, and I sometimes weep tears of joy because I never knew life could be like this. The depression that I battled is gone. The anxiety I felt anytime someone had expectations of me , is gone. My father in law passed away recently and I had a normal level of grief and sadness. I share this to encourage you to look into it. I take a prescription based supplement of L-Methylfolate its also called MTHR. My insurance won’t pay for it so I get it from Costco. You can buy it over the counter because it’s a supplement, if you want to just try it and see if it has an effect. I also started a regular multivitamin from Trader Joe’s and that’s all I take. I hope that this was helpful to you and pray that you get to the bottom of your depression. 🙏🏻🙏🏻
My discovery was definitely an answer to prayer. No matter, please know that your not alone. Don’t stop reaching out and searching for answers.
Remember we are whole persons, and more than medication is necessary to help us feel better. Of course, your therapist has told you that negative thoughts cause negative feelings.
We need to build ourselves up in four areas: nutrition, movement, social contacts, and the ability to cope with circumstances (spiritual).
You can be helped through healthy eating (mostly vegetables and fruit and oatmeal for breakfast) and daily exercise--start with 30 mins of walking. We are whole persons and it takes caring for the whole body. You have no doubt heard of mindfulness and breathing. Look it up on-line.
Do you have a faith or church? You are never alone if you can pray. Spiritual help is needed; even writing out prayers or journaling. You can get distracted from your feelings by following a daily routine of food, exercise, sleep, reading and watching only positive books and TV. And, of course, calling people. I learned they usually don't call---you have to reach out. Find some Zoom groups. Get out in the sunshine for at least 20 mins.
I will bet someone there is wishing you would call and is concerned for you. Perhaps it's a family member or an old friend or an elderly person feeling alone.
Hey Llama. Out of curiosity, have you ever done an exercise to craft a vision of the type of life you want? If there were no barriers (money, education, mental illness, etc.), what would you like your life to be?
At 25, the world is your oyster. You can be anything you want. You can do anything you want. The only person that will stop you, is you. It is very difficult to push past the stinging feeling that your life isn't worth anything. And many here have shared their stories and struggles with you. They have shared that it's not an easy and quick process. You mentioned you've gone outside once or twice hoping to be positive but then felt negative about it. First off, the trick is not to not think the negative thoughts. It's to allow those thoughts to come and go. That's where learning to meditate comes in. Second, how about looking at it as an accomplishment to even go outside in the first place? You were able to get yourself up, go to the door, open it, and put your feet outside. That's like a moon landing for those of us who live with depression and mental illness. There's value in everything we do, big and small.
It is understandable that you want everything to be okay... right now... right this second. Especially if you've been living in the darkness for most of your life. It can, and does, feel like it will never change. You're in therapy and taking medication. Those are 2 great steps. You've made it a month and a half. That's progress. Buildings, books, songs, flowers, trees, cities, knowledge, relationships, everything takes time to be created and completed. You're only on level 1 of the journey. You'll be surprised at how far you can go and where you might end up if you keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Take me for example. 3 months ago, I almost ended my life because a relationship ended. I went through hell for a few weeks before starting to climb out of the massive emotional and mental hole I was in. Then I started to make some small changes.... began to meditate and become sober. Now, I've gotten up to more than 60 days of meditating daily and was up to 11 weeks sober (before deciding this past weekend to have a drink). And I am miles better than I was 3 months ago. I'm not perfect yet, or exactly where I want to be, but I'm putting in the work and taking things second by second. You can do that too. You are a human with untold abilities. Just gotta keep going step by step, putting in the work, and you will be where you want to be.
Faith is not based on church or feeling. It's something you just do; faith has to grow and be practiced just like exercise. There is a scripture that says "taste (pray) and see that the Lord is good." If you can think, you can pray.
Churches are good for fellowship, making friends, community, and worship. But acting on faith must come from you. No one can do it for you. God is a God of freedom, and faith is a choice, not a feeling. It's longing for a better world beyond this one where love abides. We find its reality through nature and Scripture. But nature and scripture must be taken as a whole and not selected details or verses. they both tell of a battle between good and evil and good wins.
Notice little things in nature--a bird, a twig, a blade of grass. Life is made up of little things. What keeps our hearts beating--what is life? What is love? No science can produce life, yet it keeps going on. think of this miracle of life--wonderful! Look at your hand and think of all the things it can do.
When you talk, as to a friend, in prayer Someone is always listening.
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