My dad has a drinking problem and it destroys me

Tonight, for the first time in my life I went to an AA meeting. Am not the one drinking but my dad has a huge drinking problem. It felt good to be with a group of people who understand your pain and what you are going through. It feels good to have support and not being afraid to ask for what you need. Seeking help is uncomfortable sometimes and it sucks but I needed to do this for myself tonight. I need support and needed to share my story. I want to find a way to deal with this extremely overwhelming and difficult situation but it’s though. I am not gonna lie.

I have been suffering from depression, anxiety and burn out for many years. It’s a constant battle. I had so many plans, so many visions for myself. On top of that then came the pandemic which makes life even more difficult right now with all the restrictions as we are facing the second lockdown here in Germany.

I don’t know what to do. I feel lost and alone. I want this pain to go away. I want to be carefree, not worrying about my dad and his life. But what can I do?

I wanted to move abroad this year, start a new life, make my dreams come true and work towards my goal but now with everything going on, my dreams seem to fall apart. The pandemic certainly plays its part.

Is is save to start a life somewhere new with everything going on right now? Is it selfish to want a joyful, peaceful and fulfilled life? Where is the line between carrying for someone and letting go? And when is it enough to carry the pain of others?

A little background story about my dad:

His wife died in November last year and 6 weeks later my grandma (his mother) passed away. It was too much for him and I am since the only person who is try to help him get sober. Unfortunately he also had a suicide attempt this year and keeps relapsing again and again because of his addiction. He is not himself anymore. The alcohol does that to him. It’s hard and painful to watch.

My own life is on hold right and I don’t know how to deal with all of it. I had so many plans. Becoming a Holsitic Life Coach and opening my own practice is one of them. Helping and supporting others to find their surpose and joy in life is my mission. But being faced with the pandemic and my fathers alcohol addiction and possibly other health conditions, it feel like a nightmare-a really bad dream I want to wake up from.

[Hidden]

An expert Psychologist said I am a People Pleaser.

He thought I was very Funny and kept laughing at me repeatedly in front of others.

What I now know is if you aren't really able to please others, they return your good intentions with an attack or a put down of one kind or another.

So your Pain becomes Worse..

I find it is best to just listen to people and not try to "fix everything"...

Chris

👂

What do you think ???

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Good one. Thanks for sharing. 👍

It’s easier said than done. I have to take care of everything right now. My grandma left us a house which I am also trying to sell and he is tight in to that as well. I just want to get this over with and distance myself from him. 🙄 I can’t do this anymore. It’s too much to handle. I don’t want to please anyone anymore and just move on with my own life.

[misslillie]

Try the family group at alanon. I was a regular for over ten years through my brother's addiction. I found them helpful and very wise. I found a voice of sanity and learned a lot about myself. And a lot about my brother's addiction