How to deal with being self conscious

[Hb2003]

Today someone asked me what’s wrong with your finger in front of a whole class i hesitated and stuttered in my response I have 2 crooked ones on both middle fingers and one double jointed pinkie on my left side i hate it i want my crooked fingers to be fixed i am super embarrassed

[Hb2003]

I cant stop looking at my fingers 😩😔

[Hidden]

My brother went through this - his finger bent inwards - he needed calcium or vitamins and minerals and better diet - you are either healthy or not and very good if you are able to do things like writing - believe in your intelligence and mind and that you are beautiful or strong person - make your own importance known

[Hidden]

I hate feeling self conscious too. Unfortunately some people are just rude and inconsiderate of anyone’s feelings. Sometimes it helps to use humor when you feel criticized. If you are comfortable with it, make a little joke. Show that you are above the criticism.

My mother and her sisters were all had big bones and big feet. Specifically, they had big toes! 😁 They could have gone through life perpetually embarrassed about their feet, complaining and making themselves miserable. But they didn’t. Instead, they embraced it, and were proud of the family similarity! They would joke about it!

Don’t shun differences. Embrace!🙂

[Hb2003 in reply to Hidden]

Your correct about that its just that I’m super sensitive and i think i need to work on it i hate it when I’m sensitive but i see it as a blessing not a curse thankfully

[Hidden in reply to Hb2003]

It’s hard not to care about what other people think. I am sensitive that way too.

It is a blessing in a way, for sure. Sensitive souls tend to suffer more from little things, but are also more attuned to things of beauty and can find more joy in life!

[Hb2003]

That is true 😊

[ReadingGuy]

I feel that each person needs support in their lives. If you are unique just smile. You are the center of attention. I believe you have a big heart and are a helping person. Each time I help another student at there desk they know they have my attention as well.

[Hb2003 in reply to ReadingGuy]

Your comment was very kind thank you for that

[Otaku12]

I'm sorry you feel so self conscious, I struggle with that too. I have been fortunate that no one has ever really said anything to me, but I do worry about what they might be thinking. It is hard to feel confident and embrace our looks when comparing ourselves to others and what is considered "normal." Over the years, though, I've tried to get away from listening to society's definition of normal because there truly is no normal. We are all unique in our own ways and just because we don't look like others does not make us any less of a human being. I also found that people call out other's differences to divert attention from themselves because they are also self conscious. I wish we could all be more open about our insecurities so that we could see that most people are self conscious about something.

As for what to do if they do say something, there are several ways to go about it, depending on how comfortable you are. You could just shrug and say I don't know. Hopefully the result is that they stop asking and move on from lack of a reaction. Like I saw suggested in the replies, you could use humor. It can be hard thinking up something witty or clever on the spot so humor can be a hard one but it is effective. Lastly, you could just simply explain that's how they've always been and they work for you. I usually go for the explanation because they get a legitimate answer to their question and I've found that communication helps a lot in tough situations. You could even ask them a question too about themselves and put the spotlight on them (of course not a rude question, just something neutral to keep the situation from going bad). This also teaches them how it feels to be asked something in front of everyone. The more we learn about each other, the better off we are because we understand each other better.

[Hidden in reply to Otaku12]

Those are good suggestions! On the subject of self consciousness, I just wanted to share something that really helped me.

I was so bad, I hated going out even to the store. It was all in my head, but I worried about my appearance every second I spent in public. I get chills thinking about how self conscious I was, it made me miserable.

Then my sister in law convinced me to start group exercise classes with her.

It was really hard because of the feeling of being watched and body shamed and not being good enough.

But I am so glad I stuck with it, because it gave me confidence. Especially weightlifting and kickboxing!

It’s been so helpful, beyond words, to learn good form and feel confident about your posture.

Now when I am in public I can stand up for myself better.

Just a suggestion!

[Otaku12 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for the suggestion! I've always wanted to try kickboxing, it seems fun while also being empowering. I am used to exercising by myself but I should try some exercise groups when they start back up (my area is still pretty closed off from the pandemic). When I was in junior high, I took dance lessons with a friend and it was really fun. Then high school hit and all my self confidence just went out the door. I am also trying to meet people and make new friends, so a group exercise would be perfect for that too.

[Hidden in reply to Otaku12]

Hope it works out for you once the pandemic and restrictions are passed!

Yes kickboxing is a lot of fun and makes me feel cool and powerful like Trinity in The Matrix. 😊 Dance would be awesome. I always wanted to learn. The group exercise I do is similar to dancing because it’s choreographed to the music!

[Hb2003 in reply to Hidden]

Good idea i used to do karate but i stopped because i had other things That i wanted to do

[Hidden in reply to Hb2003]

Karate sounds like fun! 🙂

[hopingto]

What helped me to be more confident and less self conscious was reading the book by Don Miquel Ruiz, the Four Agreements. The one that helped the most was Don't Take Anything Personally. "Whatever people do, feel, think, or say, don't take it personally, others are going to have their own opinion according to their belief system, so whatever they think about you is not about you but it is about them."