Severe Ups and Downs

[HuskyMom93]

I have struggled with depression my entire life. From early childhood to young adulthood, now in my early 30s. But it’s morphed into something so much more menacing and it honestly scares the shit out of me. The concept of mania was unfolded to me through a psychology class I took in college. The idea of having bouts of high energy, uplifted feelings, and high productivity, followed by a plunge back into what seems like sky diving into a cess pool of self hatred, negativity, sloth like behavior, that makes doing the simplest task or conversation seem like the most challenging and exhausting thing. I have been having this so bad over the last 2-3 years. I have gotten so used to it that I plan my week around my highs and lows. I know that I will be able to accomplish tasks and get things done with unbridled vigor and then also have the understanding that following that I will descend. I am almost done with massage therapy school and am wanting to spread wellness and healing to others. I love what I do and I have a deep passion for MT. I just am afraid of failing at this career because what if I fall into a low during the work week? I feel like I’ve been able to scrape by in other low income jobs here and there but this is just not something I want to be dealing with anymore. I don’t have money for a therapist at the moment, I also haven’t had a lot of success with therapy in the past. Does anyone have any advice for managing mania.

[cloudy-lottie]

i know exactly how you feel. ive been struggling w bipolar since i was 17 and somedays things feel so impossible and other days it feels like i can do absolutely anything! it feels absolutely rubbish to me not knowing what sort of mood i’ll be in when i wake up the next morning. i know that a lot of people ave had success with medication, including me. personally i take lamictal and that helps control the manic side of things for me. as for the lows, i havent had much success dealing with that. the best thing for me is writing down me feelings because sometimes i feel like i’ll explode if i dont get the thoughts out of my brain. anyways i hope that was at least a little helpful!! just know that someone else relates to how you feel luv

lottie x

[VDC1]

I’m bipolar as well. Definitely make an appointment to see a psychiatrist. A mood stabilizer might really help you

[hypercat54]

This sounds like bi-polar to me. I have heard it's often misdiagnosed as depression and that you need a mood stabliser as well as ad's. This should help with the mood swings.

[kvolm2016]

Congrats on nearing the completion of MT school. Sounds like you will be great at this since your motivation is to bring healing and wellness to others which is so needed!

Since I live with a family member who is bipolar, I agree with others that you may want to see your medical provider to consider this possibility. Both the manic and depressive episodes and swings can be improved with medication. Like all medications, it does take some time for your body to get acclimated so it might benefit you to consider this now so that when you are ready to shift to your MT career, you will be equipped to do so.

I honestly find it incredible that you have been able to manage this for 2-3 years already so give yourself a LOT of credit for strength, perseverance and resourcefulness during this time! But this doesn't have to continue to be such a struggle for you. Hope this is helpful!

[HuskyMom93]

Thank you everyone. I am so afraid of the side effects of medication. I just have seen friends suffer before from being on the wrong ones or having to deal with the medication itself.

[cloudy-lottie in reply to HuskyMom93]

i think you have to decide for yourself whether or not that is a risk you are willing to take to find some sort of change xx

[kvolm2016]

And hopefully you also recognize with your knowledge about bodies and physiology that different people have different tolerances for medical interventions so you won't know until you try!