hard to communicate with other people

[icebear_ramen]

do you ever feel like you just don't have the strength to talk to anyone? I've been like this for the past 5 years. last time I answered my friend's text was 12 days ago. I don't even know why they even bother texting anymore. because before that we texted two times and that was after ignoring her for 7 months!! from December to july! idk it just feels sooo tiring to talk to other people but at the same time, I want more people to communicate with. its such a struggle wanting more connection but not having the energy to. i only get the random urge once every few weeks, text people and after a few hours the urge goes away and I go back to ignoring people. i have only one friend and that's my roommate. thinking about spending Halloween, Christmas, new years and my birthday alone just scares the hell out of me and disgusts me. any ideas on how to find the energy to make friends ? i just feel like I have no energy, its even taking me a whole lot of effort to type here.

[HelpingElbow]

What you are feeling is not uncommon among young people. It's true that the desire to have friends is present, but the energy required to maintain the friendship seems to be missing.

Well, unless the second person is your blood relative, there's no relation in the world that is unidirectional. In simpler words, it's a 2-way street. Energy has to come from both the sides. Otherwise, it ceases to exist.

If a friendship or a relationship fails, don't blame yourself. Because you would both be equally responsible.

Now coming to the important question, what to do if the energy is missing?

Don't think of it as an energy. Think of it as a to and fro transaction. You get as much as you give (especially in today's world). If the energy is missing, relations could go awry. A man who doesn't put energy into his marriage is not an husband. Similarly, a woman who doesn't put energy into her marriage is not a wife.

That is why relationship is also known as bonding. Unless there's enough adhesive, the two sides don't stick.

When I left my previous job, I had a very strong friendship with many and I couldn't imagine separating with anybody. Contrary to what I believed, our messages and chats dropped from once a minute to once in a month. And now literally none!

It's as simple as that. If you don't reciprocate in a relationship/friendship, you get nothing in return. That's why, once in a while, chat with people, talk to your old friends, wish them on their birthdays, ask them about their health...(even if you don't feel like asking, do it).

Unfortunately, lot of things in life have to be done half-heartedly just for the sake of balancing. Eventually, things will get better once people understand that your heart is pure and you mean well for everybody.

Take care. Lots of love!

[icebear_ramen in reply to HelpingElbow]

thanks, yeah some of the advice you gave I've got from other people too. I've been trying harder to reply or text people. its just ik what the right thing to do is but sometimes I just cant get myself to do it. like I tell myself I'm gonna text so and so back and I procrastinate and its suddenly a week later and too awkward to text back. And I constantly feel if I don't try harder other people don't even bother and don't wanna be my friend cause they already have people in their lives, but I literally have only one friend. I feel like if I try harder at first they might want to be around me after but I just cant get past that "knowing each other but not really friends" stage. idk how to change that.

[Kainan in reply to icebear_ramen]

Unfortunately that’s just gonna take a lot of time. And there are times when it doesn’t happen. Just like HelpingElbow said don’t blame yourself. If you have the urge to reach out, don’t pass it up. Listen to yourself and what you have to say. The minute you wait and push it back you’re saying to yourself that it doesn’t matter, when really it does! So, don’t let that moment pass you by

[Kainan in reply to HelpingElbow]

All around great advice!

[Iammesues]

I suppose these people don’t really interest you. Keep looking for your people. I’m terrified of other people. They are mean, critical, judgemental... you can see I have not found my people either

[Joseph43]

Go against the tide. The more exposure, the more your false urge to hide will fade away.