Feeling more lonely with people than alone

[Indiegal]

Does anyone else feel more lonely and depressed after you spend time with people than you do alone? I work from home for myself and although it gets lonely and I have some depression, I generally feel ok for the most part when I'm alone at home. I'm an extrovert and miss regular social interactions, but lately I end up feeling worse when I spend time with others. It doesn't make sense to me and I'm not sure what to do to make it better (other than never leaving my house and still feeling lonely).

I went out for drinks a few weeks ago by myself but ran into a few people I know and got to talking. One of them got pretty combative about our opposing political views (even after I told him I didn't want to talk politics) and I went home wishing I didn't go out. Then on Easter I drove with my mom to our family party and when I mentioned I don't have a lot of friends right now in my life, she attacked me and said, "no one probably wants to be friends with you cause you're late all the time" (which was out if left field). Then the last 2 days I spent with 2 of my nephews (separately). Yesterday my nephew was at least appreciative of hanging out with me, but today my other nephew was kinda upset I didn't spend more money to let him do more things, even though we already did a lot. He said he had fun (although not very excited) but I feel like he was disappointed and didn't talk to me much in the 5 hours we spent bowling and playing games. Once again I'm home now and am tired and depressed.

I feel like no one really appreciates me or likes me that much anymore, mainly my family who I gave up my fun life in Los Angeles for to move home over a decade ago. I feel stuck for so many reasons and don't feel like anyone really cares about me. I'm not suicidal, but sometimes I feel like they wouldn't care if I was around...unless of course they needed me to do something or support them, which I always do.

[Indiegal]

That's a good point. It do often expect positive interactions with people and more meaningful connections so I'm disappointed when they don't measure up. I would expect more from family, mostly my mom who has been pretty passive and non-confrontational her whole life. But maybe she is changing too. I'm not sure why she has been so hung up on attacking me so much for being late in the last couple of years. I mean she would get annoyed when I was younger and it would affect others (and myself more). But she never repeatedly attacked my character about it like she has lately.

Thanks for your support and insight. 🙂

[Indiegal]

I'm sorry you're going through that with family members too. Honestly there are starting to be some signs to me that my mom is having some age related mental decline. She's almost 78. It's usuallly small things like saying something mean to me like I don't do anything to help her and then later when I confront her saying she never said it and that I help a lot. But my 13 year old nephew told me yesterday she had him drive her car in a parking lot to see if he could drive it even when he didn't want to. She failed to tell him he needed to put the car in park before taking his foot off the break when he was done and he said he was afraid he was going to hit the light post. He asked me not to tell my sister but I'm not sure what to do.

[PhoebeOphelia]

It's not a normal part of aging to get short tempered and irritable. Please try not to fall into these kinds of stereotypes. Most of the research says that people get happier as they get older.

[Weatherwoman in reply to PhoebeOphelia]

Thanks for pointing that out re. the stereotyping of older people. Being that I am one of those "older" ones, I am really tired of All the "Agism" in our society esp. in the USA. "We are mad as hell & not going to take it anymore!" Yes, some people do start to have some cognitive decline as they age, & a lot don't. One thing that could be going on is that some people when they get older feel more free to express exactly what they feel, and the "breaks," they used to use when younger, and even in middle age are no longer. They don't care as much what other people think (not in the way that they want to hurt others, but in the way to tell the truth of what they see)! So, maybe as we age, we are feel more free to speak our truths, speak our minds!