What's wrong with me?

[FranklyKoi]

I genuinely hate myself. I hate the way I think, how I look, how I react. I think I'm just scum. I don't think I'm pretty. I don't think my tits are big enough. I don't think I'm pretty because I don't wear makeup, nor know how to wear makeup. I don't think I've ever had a committed relationship, every guy I've ever been with has cheated on me, even my current boyfriend. I have literally 0 friends, and I'm too scared to ever talk to my family about anything because I feel like I'm just a giant disappointment to them. I don't feel like I'm good enough for anyone. I feel like everyone acts when they're around me, I feel like people only pretend to like me and then talk shit the minute I walk away. I can't trust anyone. I honestly think everyone is out to get me or fuck me over. I think everyone is a piece of shit. I just want someone to love me and all I want is to get married and have a family. But even after a 7 year relationship, I still can't seem to get what I want most, as terrible as that sounds. I just want my boyfriend to stop talking to this fucking slut that he practically left me for? Idk, it's all so complicated and I just don't know what to do with my life, and I honestly don't even expect anyone to read this or even care, no one ever seems to care. They just tell me this is a me problem and only I can fix it. Or that I'm just a selfish bitch who only cares about herself. Anyone that reads this prolly thinks I'm just a dumbass like everyone else or that I'm just fucked up, or conceited, or I just don't even know. I just needed to someone to talk to, even if no one is listening and I'm just wasting my time typing away my sorry, pathetic excuse for life. Sorry for wasting any one's time.

[Hidden]

A little tough love here...there is so much self hatred and name calling you call yourself. Your life is full of value and promise and there is an abundance of quality in life if you will just start to work on turning all the negativity you feel and actually say out loud about yourself into more positive.

Also trust is something people earn, the people you let in your life deserve a chance to trusted. Secondly, I understand the feeling of being a disappointment to family, but is this their problem? What I mean is, if they have a set of standards or expectations you were supposed to live up to and didn’t, then this is their problem not yours. You have to live your own life, for example, I had to actually walk away from toxic things like this, some times things like this just hold us back and keep us from progressing and living our best self even if it’s half of what others want or say.

You matter, you are worthy, you are stronger than you think, you just need to remove the negativity.... does this happen over night? No. You do have to start within yourself first, that cliche saying.... you can’t love anyone else until you love yourself is very true. Talk to people here, find some positive support here if you can’t get it in real life. From experience venting and getting it all out is a first good step and then start to work on changing any of your environment, you’ll need to be proactive in order to change you and/or your life’s circumstances. 😉

[quitter333]

Well, technically you can't hate yourself. Since that defeats the purpose of thinking.

And I see a lot of issues concern looks - pls.. just make a long-term (!!!!!!!!!) plan and work out, get enough money for monthly treatment for nails, hair, skin etc.

I was quite ugly and un-stylish as a kid up to my 20s, and I somehow just never acknowledged it and simply did other things, like sports and studying hard. And now much later all my "late blooming" actually made me literally handsome af, surpassing literally any peer from before.

And It all emerged simply because I never really put look first. I enjoyed sports. I started liking cool clothes, started looking into dressing sharp, etc etc. It was slow, but whats the rush?

...

secondly - you don't really need to care what other people think. It is meaningless, as you cannot influence them. you can do things that you have learned make others like or dislike you, but you still do not control their thoughts.

Being respected is the key. No matter how a person dislikes you, if they respect you (strength, achievements, smarts) they will submissively never say a thing against you.

Self-respect breeds respect from others too.

...

all in all..it feels you REALLY overthink.

For example - noone talks about you behind your back. People have so much things to think and do, that unless you are some high-profile celebrity.I don't even think or talk about my friends daily, as I have my own life to live.

[lena16]

Please stop apologizing for your existence and speaking so badly about yourself. It hurt me to read about how much you hated yourself. I know sometimes we think we’re the worst people in the world and I used to think like you that no one wanted to talk to me bc I’m a burden and it would just waste their time. But you have to realize that it IS NOT TRUE. Like the other repliers said, you can’t change your mindset overnight, but you can start by replacing one bad thing you say/think about yourself with one good thing, even if you don’t believe it. Our words can be very powerful. Please, even if you feel like you’re lying to yourself or you feel embarrassed try doing that everyday. Your thoughts about yourself are so toxic and I know that you are not that terrible in real life.

And also remember, whenever you post on this site, someone will be listening. So, don’t apologize to us for sharing your thoughts because we’re here because we want to listen and be listened to. Keep venting on here, and I hope you can be nicer to yourself, because I know you are better than you see yourself.

[LilyAnnepuppy]

Are you being treated with therapy and meds? Have you been diagnosed with depression and anxiety or PTSD? I identify with many of your thoughts and self flagellation but realized I had a problem and went to professionals.

[Peoplesuckyeayea]

You shouldn't apologize for being yourself. I feel same way about everything u said including my micro tits. Nobody cares, I try to not care and it works sometimes. Other times it's good to have someone who will just listen right.

[Billsfriend in reply to Peoplesuckyeayea]

It always amazes me how much importance society places on breast size. I believe that it is a result of marketing. That being said, I don't place much value on it.

I look for a kind and pleasant expression, and response ( like the return of a smile). I am attracted to women who take good care of themselves. Most of the guys I've known feel the same way, but we've learned to not express it except on private.

A lot of guys will talk like breast size is important because it is a safe thing to say like "oh man look at the toys on that!". Few guys actually think like that, but it's something that will encourage bonding as we all express our admiration and encourage each other. To disagree and say how you really feel is to throw a wet blanket on what is meant to be a bonding experience.

One of the hottest women I have ever met, was actually extremely small in that area. I haven't seen her in 5 years, but She still comes to mind.

In my own experience, I would estimate that only 10% of men place much importance on breast size, and they're the sicker of our gender, guys looking for arm candy to try to impress other guys!

[Steadybutlonely]

I follow a stand up comedian turned motivational speaker named Kyle Crease, and he taught me a really good tool to neutralize negative thinking. It's fine if you say to yourself "I'm ugly" - but immediately follow that with the statement "and I love it!!" Say that after every negative thiughty or remark about yourself. "I'm an idiot. And i Love IT!!"

It seems strange but it really works for me. It stops the body from following your thoughts. Your post is really good, I mean really really good, because it's a perfect encapsulation of the worst of negative thinking from anxiety. Those are just programs firing, but you can use the above tool to mix that program up. Good luck.

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to Steadybutlonely]

I love this idea. I use a form of it myself but not as positive. I usually follow up valid self criticism with "So what? The world needs people like me."

[Billsfriend]

I've been studying neuroplasticity recently and learned that our thoughts tend to follow familiar pathways. Kinda like our muscles do. If I try to learn a new dance, I find myself slipping into the same step I've been doing for years. It takes a while to overcome the old neural pathways that have grown deep. It's actually pretty simple to do, but requires discipline and perseverance.

Fortunately there are many techniques you can use to make new pathways. ( The old ones just go away if you don't use them).

I gained control of my own thoughts by 1 reading, it taught me how to focus my thoughts, at the same time it caused me to think about something different.

2 meditation, which I credit with teaching me how to stop intrusive thoughts. 3 praying, but you can accomplish the same thing by reviewing what you want to change, and your progress. 4 I just did not allow myself to think negative thoughts, when they would come up, I would correct them and overwhelm them with something else- anything to stop making the pathways deeper. Iknow there's other things, but you get the idea. It took a couple days to see any progress, but then things happened fast! I am no longer consumed with guilt, regret, uselessness, feelings of wanting to kill myself, all of the things that filled my mind to the point where I could hardly think.

I learned a lot of helpful things by watching self help videos on YouTube. If you want the fastest results, make a plan.

Mine was to start the day with some YouTube videos about how to change my thoughts. To take notes about what made sense to me. To get help, wherever I could find it. For me that was AA meetings, ( because they are free). I hope that you will be able to implement some of these techniques.

I know you will be amazed at your progress!

Start small if this is too overwhelming,

Let us know how you are doing, and how we can help!