I always see people describing depression as a deep sadness...
For me though it’s like all my thoughts, opinions, emotions and feelings become completely numb. Talking seems like it is physically tiring and difficult. You know how normally when we talk.. we just do it.. we open our mouth and a voice comes out. When I’m having a ‘depressive episode ‘ it’s honestly difficult to talk. I don’t know what to say .
I feel hungry sometimes (more like weakness and needing energy from food?) ... I start to eat a meal and after a few spoonfuls I’m completely full and feel sickly.
Human company is something I don’t want at all.
It’s like I’m so tired.I give up... I don’t wanna play anymore. I can’t win.
I haven’t gone to my classes for two weeks now. Took me ten years to join in the first place.
Is this where I give up on everything and go back to barely living and waiting for days to finish?
I can’t sleep at night even though I’m so so so sleepy all the time.
Hi Hope. I've found counseling - with someone you feel comfortable with and who is professional and good! - to be really helpful. I hope you can find the same. In the meantime, we are here for you. This is tough stuff to deal with and none of us should have to do it alone. 💗💕💗
I can relate on how hard it is to talk. I have a hard time concentrating on conversations I think because I'm self conscious about myself and how I'm gonna respond and I get so confused and can't follow the conversation and just don't know what to say because I'm afraid of what I say will make me look stupid.
I thought depression was just "being sad" for years... all my life actually. Until my boyfriend's depression took hold and consumed his life for the last 4 months. And now I see what it actually is, what it can actually do to a person. I am so sorry that you are struggling. I don't know what I can say to help you... but I just want to let you know that I am here if you ever need someone to talk to.
Just try to do whatever you can to help...if you need to lay on the couch for a week then do it.. Please don't let anyone else make you feel like you are handling your feelings inappropriately.
I have that “wanting to give up feeling” almost constantly, it’s like debilitating sometimes... but I force myself I keep going... even when I’m soooo, tired....
I feel exactly like you. I want to stay home because work doesn't seem worth it. I despise talking on the phone or in person. I can't put my thoughts together when I do speak. And finding the right words is a challenge. Food isn't as good as it used to be. I just want to stay at home, sleep all the time, pet my cats, and watch movies or play online. Numb is a good way to describe these feelings.
"Just leave me alone," I scream in my mind! No one hears me though. They want me to do what they want and I feel like hiding at a cabin in the woods, away from everyone. I don't know how to fight these thoughts and feelings. I just try to think of good things when my mind turns dark, lights out. My daughter keeps me going and my cats, Ralphie and Spike, are great for comfort. Sometimes it is very hard to find the way out.
Yeah that’s exactly how I feel too x thanks for sharing with me x and I’m sorry for your struggles
Oh my goodness, I am so so sorry you are feeling this way. It's not easy, no way no how. Please the fight the good fight for you, I know it's not easy. I'm here for you, please know. I'll help you however I can. dump trucks of love, peace, light, joy & hugs for you!
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☹️ I hate when I’m at the lower end of my depression rollercoaster life x
Hugs x
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It stinks I know, I hope you're doing better today, I haven't been on in a few days , so please forgive me? Love, peace, light, joy & hugs for you!
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I haven’t been on much either so don’t worry x doing a little better thankfully but now struggling with a sinus infection!!!! 😂 x hugs
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If it's not flies it's fleas! I sure hope you get over your sinus infection real fast. I'm glad to hear you're in a better place though. Have a beautiful day. Love, peace, light, joy & hugs for you!
I really hope you feel stronger soon Hope, I've just come through a bad few days and it's so draining, physically and mentally. I'm sending you a big hug and always here if you want to talk. xx
no...you don't have to give up on everything....but it wouldn't be a bad idea to talk to your teachers and get a deferment and either drop your classes for now so you have a clean slate later, or see if there is something you can do to catch up when you are up to it. But honestly, after missing two weeks it's hard to catch up usually, but it's no big deal either, your in a tough place and they will understand, I'd just let them know so you can possibly get an incomplete or dropped for now.
I know, like so many of us here do, what your talking about as I always wanted to just become invisible, shut my room door and bury myself under the blanket. The sadness and feelings of complete despair are so overwhelming and we just want it to stop. It's why I used to sleep a lot, so I didn't have to deal with the world. But if you can, try to remember this is going to pass, we may only ever get happisher....but that's better than the alternative....and that's good enough.
I am glad your at least reaching out to your friends,....and hope you get some relief of knowing we are all here for you, holding you up....and listening....we hear you even when your not speaking because we feel it too.....we all suffer....we all understand. We are with you and your never alone with this horrible disease...we are an army, and we can fight the demons off together....we won't let them win.... Okay?...
Hey thanks for your thoughtful reply x. And thanks for sharing your struggles too x
After a long comforting chat with my husband yesterday ... today I was able to get up and get showered and dressed (after a long lie in) so I’m feeling rested and clean at least x
Im going to try really really hard to go to class tomorrow. I won’t give up like I always have in the past because who knows maybe it’ll take me another 10 years to get back into it again .. I don’t want that.
do what your comfortable with Hope....there's not shame in doing what you need to do, your not a failure because of a health issue, it's no different than if you had some other health issue....that of course you know honey....I have gone to school off and on during my 60 plus years and it's never too late.....I even took some online classes in my late 50's...at the local jr. college....
Counseling, yes! And maybe some medication. Does your school offer counseling? If you contact your instructors and explain, they may work with you. It's a shame to lose all your hard work this semester and the 10 years to get there. They may be willing to give you an incomplete or extensions. As a teacher myself, I encourage you to work with your school. Most want their students to succeed and recognize how common it is for depression to affect their students.
This is not your fault! You're having a lot of symptoms right now and need medical and psychological attention to set things right. My best to you - I've been there, right where you are - it can get better, I promise. xo
I’m going to have a good think about it a make a decision on whether I want to start counselling or not .
Thank you x
I completely agree with you. To me depression is so scary because I don't care or feel anything. My mind goes blank (like a slate wiped) and it feels like I am just a shell... When I speak, if I can, it honestly sounds like I'm drunk because my speech is so slurred. This is the brain's way of coping after severe anxiety (in my case) when it all becomes to much to handle and goes into shutdown mode.
Which is why it is so important to do something, anything! If you're on the ground wiggle your toes, if you're laying down in bed, sit up one centimeter. If you can muster it, take a walk outside. Anything to "reboot" your brain.
If going to class is too hard, can you email the teacher/university and request help with notes?
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Than you for you reply and I’m sorry I couldn’t respond straight away x it means a lot to me
Im so sorry that you have similar struggles x thanks for all the tips x
I’m so glad you shared this as it so very well describes depression, which is so hard to articulate in the moments we are struggling with it.. I went through something similar a few weeks ago and it was honestly very scary. Very thankful to be feeling much better now and will hopefully be more aware if that ever happens again. Sure hope you are feeling much, much better and finding the peace and comfort you need.💜
Hope I couldn’t even say a word when I saw this post yesterday, I just had nothing. Except hope and a heart for you. You have inspired me in the past and I know you try so hard and so when we are really very down like I am today it’s hard to feel that our progress means something big. It seems to get overlooked. I’m tired, you’re tired. We have made it so far and I wish I would stop pushing myself and tearing myself down. I have hope that you will get out of this soon Hope ❤️
I know what you mean. So many of my friends including you have done so many posts recently that I have just not been able to reply on . The energy isn’t there. As long as we all know that we all still love and care even when we can’t say anything x
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My mind is so dark
Tired. 
Anxiety 
Just venting again 
