Why does interacting with generally normal people feel so extremely shallow? It's always purely just small talk and when any actual meaningful topic comes up, they just say a select few phrases that they all repeat every time.
But at the same time, always being with people who are just as messed up in the head as me probably isn't any better is it? Yet it feels like they're the only people that actually get it and have truly engaging perspectives on life.
Then there's someone who used to be as messed up as me, but is now doing much much better. His normality just feels foreign to me now. It's almost incomprehensible in a way. How can someone so similar to me change so much? Am I the problem? Or is he just lucky?
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MiamiJacket84
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You sound a lot like myself. I have internal dialogue like this pretty often.
It definitely became frustrating. So much so that I kind of "dropped out" from interacting with people. Obviously that is unhealthy so I came here. And I am glad that I did.
I am not really someone that enjoy small talk as well. There are many issues that I think are important that people talk about, but it seems by doing so, one is judged to be negative or whatever.
In our society, especially, we (messed up, or not) have been Conditioned from birth that in order to be accepted (which we all want), we need to put on our "OKMasks," in public, at work, school, with family & friends, and so on! At least, I believe that is how Most of us are "Socialied!" If we express negative emotions, we find a lot of people don't want to be around us. If we are angry, sad, hurt, whatever, we usually keep these emotions to Ourselves in order to be Accepted, in order to be liked, look okay, in order to Belong (which we need to feel). Rarely, do we find people who are okay with being vulnerable, being Real, being their authentic selves. On HU, I do see this, but then this is a Virtual Group so I do suppose that is easier to "talk" to people we don't know, or don't know very well, and people in this group "get it," & by & large aren't judgemental --that makes it easier to take off our "masks!" So, how do we transfer to Real Life our true selves --l wish I had the answer as I struggle, too, with all that's been said re. the above posts!
Great response Weatherwoman, I think there is truth here. I have experienced this first hand. But I have learned to just accept the fact that it has become a societal norm. Social media has a lot to do with this now as well.
Acceptance, I guess, as you state is the operative word! I am not on Social media much, but I do agree from all I've heard that S.M. plays into this!
I used to be a "normal person" or at least a person that thought they were normal. Funny how inpatient psychiatric treatment and lots of meds could change my normal view of myself. But, I refuse to believe that I am messed up in the head; every single one of us is unique. I also find small talk and repetitive and glib responses frustrating. There is a common saying - I am not sure where it is from - that you are the average of the five people that you spend the most time with.
You said that he used to be messed up like you, but he's normal now. Is it possible that he has healed from whatever he might have been suffering from?
Maybe. According to him, he "gaslighted himself to be happy". Not sure how that worked but I am happy for him, it's just that now I feel even more alone in this world with no one to turn to.
Gaslighting himself into happiness doesn't sound like healing. You're not alone. I was told a long time ago that feeling alone and different can be a sign of depression or other mental health concerns. It might be something worth talking to a therapist about.
It's one of my many issues that no kind of psychiatric care can ever help. Yes, it might not sound like healing, but he's functioning and doesn't despise life at every waking moment so honestly, I don't care, I just want that.
Don't lose hope. I had to try different therapists and medications to find someone and something that worked for me. It's daunting, the medical system is just a whole bunch of trial and error. We're all on a unique journey. And yours is important too.
Honestly it's more of a con or scam than actual trial and error. Yes, there are some lucky individuals here and there that actually got help, but I assure you I am not one of them.
I get the feeling, talking for the most part for things I'm not invested in, with people who aren't talking for themselves. But socializing is needed to build life and be accepted. I try to compensate for other people who aren't into engaging topics, even if the answer is dissapointing. It's always good to pick up where you started with slow conversations.
That's part of the process of healing. It's hard to understand when people we love and care for start to change in a good way. How awesome is that to be a witness and be a part of that change. So encouraging!This forum validates your struggles with mental health. It's not we are messed up in the head but walking a path to healing as long as it takes. Sometimes it's a life long journey, but what matters is you stay in the fight and don't give up. We are not different than anyone else we just admit we're not perfect people. So part of our healing is here as another link in our chain to become whole. Thank you for your post, it's an reminder that healing possible.
“A sane person to an insane society must appear insane.”
~ Kurt Vonnegut
It sounds like you're hanging out with the wrong people. You are certainly right that many people are very superficial at first meeting. However some of them do have some interesting thoughts and ideas if you get to know them. There are people out there who are relatively healthy and also interesting and more profound in their thinking than the average person, but they are hard to find. Keep looking.
life does change and things change at their own rate follow your instincts on it all our lives really poor quality do not feel bad try to accept it all it is just a very broken world
1. People on the whole do tend to be shallow. Then there are those who are not shallow but do not want to engage with you at the time, so they only engage in small talk.
2. Engaging with others who are messed up isn't likely to help you, except in a cosy kind of way because at least you both feel you are not alone.
3. People tend not to change much. If your friend seems very different to his old self, he is probably still learning to be different, trying it on for size - like a new item of clothing.
Don't accept platitudes from anyone but don't lose potential friends or support over it. Some people will turn out to be the Goldilocks you have been seeking, if you are patient. Make sure you have a good variety of acquaintances.
Firstly & Lastly if someone changes toward U its cuz THEY wanted to change & U didn't force them to change , the only people we can change is ourselves.
Now define " Normal" ??
Remember this people thought both Ted Bundy & Ed Kemper were normal too.
Also STOP putting urself lower than number 1 in ur life. Without U , U cease to exist & all of those people U left behind will mourn but then move on .
If it weren't for Santa delivering presents across the world no one would remember it's Jesus' birthday even though he was born earlier than the exact date of Winter Solstice.
U need to give urself more love than U currently do. If U don't then why expect anyone else to give a hoot. So put U in 1st place when it comes to caring.
But DD in some of our people's "normal world" the Ted Bundys and Ed Kemkers and Dennis Raders are the rule and not the exception.....not that I would normally use Wikipedia as a reference sort....but go there and search for Michael J. Devlin...his page is very accurate....people like that are "my normal" as he resides at the facility where I've spent at least 45 hours a week for the last 26 years...
I use the great Googley Moogley for referencing things.
I referenced Bundy & Kemper due to their intelligence quota & how articulate they both were & they easily fooled so many people.
I knew who they were. Now the other 2 I had to look up & as soon as I saw a picture of Rader, I recognised him as BTK but Devlin never really heard of him & for what he did they should've thown him to Lions, very hungry ones. Life is hard enough for kids growing up & hormones & cruel peers & adults mess a child's mind big time
Now by my understanding of what U wrote above, do U work for the DoC ? Also U work a long week too & many years.
If I may ask politely. How much has working in a facility impacted on ur health both physical & mental.
Yes sir....I'm on the downhill mark.....have been employed on the state level for 26 years now...trying to make it until August 1, 2024....can retire at that point...both my physical and mental health have been dramatically compromised because of the things I've seen and done...I started when i was 26 years old.....I am now 53...granted it has been by choice but I've spent half of my life in a prison setting...it definitely takes a toll, and I'm currently working 60 hours a week
Firstly thank U very much for sharing & I have nothing but admiration for U , I couldn't do it & to me its like a calling like nurses or fire fighters.
I'm sorry it's taken its toll on U both physically & mentally too & I hope ur getting the help & the DoC are paying for it too.
U must've seen & been through some stressful times often & I hope me asking U about it isn't triggering for U.
So 8.5 months to go before U leave & start ur newest chapter. Do U know what U will be doing with ur free time ?
Sharing things, especially negative ones is often frowned on in western society. I don't know about other cultures. There are many ways that it gets communicated. "Stinkin thinkin" is one from the Christian side that implies mental illness is a character flaw. In a dermatologist's office I saw a plaque saying "positive attracts positive". Not very scientific, but fits with the overall fear of any negative speech. And of course one of the worst: the recent remark by a certain US governor that slavery was not all bad in that it gave slaves life skills. 😨
I thought I had responded to this but I can't find it anywhere so I will address it again....Every time the word "normal" comes up in a conversation....I always ask what the definition of normal is for the day. Everyone involved always has a different perception and idea of what normal is. In my world I have a "work normal" and a personal life normal. These normal ideations are quite different in each realm. My normal work realm is completely different than my personal life realm. I try very hard to leave the work realm at work....sometimes it happens sometimes it doesn't..I try very hard to distinguish between the 2...constantly reminding myself that not everyone wants to hear stories about my work day.....journaling helps me keep a lot of things in perspective
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