Frustrated, issues, and I have no path. I'm Lost. Warning - Trigger

[DAnonymous]

I'm currently writing this as a 28 year old who lives in his parents basement. I've lost everything that I once had the drive to do. I dropped out of school a few years ago because of mental issues. I was able to find jobs, but they only lasted a few months each. I now fear that I won't be able to find something I can do for a career. I've been told I have bipolar disorder, major anxiety issues, OCD, and even PTSD.

I was finally getting things back in order. I started attending school through a programming boot-camp, but it turned out to be nothing like how i had expected. I now owe nearly 25k over the next few years. I was never able to finish the schooling as I had a psychosis event and ended up in the hospital. I haven't been able to pick myself up since. Now i'm at home, I dread doing absolutely anything, I don't eat, the thought of socializing with anyone fills me with absolute dread, and I have no path in life. I feel like an absolute loser.

One of the hardest things for me to get over is all of this money I now owe due to medical bills, that school, and credit cards (I had a manic episode that lasted a few weeks. I thought I could buy stuff on ebay then sell it back at a higher price... welp that obviously didn't work.) Iv'e tried getting medicaid, but was rejected, and can't get unemployment because i quit my last job to go to the programming school (I had a little saved up but it's long gone now.) I've wanted to visit a therapist, and my doctor says I severely need to see a psychiatrist, but can't afford it.

Every day fills me with dread, and quite honestly I don't know what to do.

I'm lost, frustrated, angry, and sad.

This is just a rant that I needed to get off my chest. If you happen to read this, thanks for taking the time.

[Solarm]

Hi, I'm sorry for the situation you are in. Try to focus on things one day at a time vs thinking about it all and what could happen. There's a lot of jobs you can do online, also a lot of people consolidate their debt into one sum so that they have only one payment. Things will get better for you, just take it one step at a time.

[Starrlight]

It’s not your fault. You are not a loser. You care. You are trying so hard. All we can do is our best. I know it’s overwhelming right now. After every difficulty comes ease.

Medication is helping me. I live in the US and there are programs that I’ve found that pay for medication and therapy. I suggest looking into it.

[Hidden]

You really got slammed this year. I'm sorry. This is a lot. Try talking to a credit counselor. It could be that your doctor could write you a letter to help reduce some of the debt. It can't hurt to ask. Get outside every day so you can see the big world. And help out your parents with some chores around the house. That will make all of you feel better.

If you live in the US and really need to see a psychiatrist and can't, my advice is to go to an emergency room, although try to avoid Friday and Saturday evenings. It's very sad that this is what it takes sometimes to get mental health care in this country. Take food, a book and a phone charger and if possible a friend/family member and prepare to wait, but you will be seen eventually. You need to eat, you need to sleep.

Sending hugs.

[Hidden]

I am so sorry for what you're going through, it's a lot to process. And it's been a tough year for everyone on the planet!!! Just take one day at a time and focus on your mental health above anything else. Try to get out of the house and get some exercise every day, even if you don't have a job or school. I know you probably could really benefit from seeing a psychiatrist and therapist, I would keep trying to get Medicaid or see if there's any way possible you could see a psychiatrist may be just once every 2 months and be able to pay out of pocket or on some kind of sliding scale. And don't think your life is over. It makes sense to have some time to regroup and research some different careers on the internet and really think about what you really want to do and what would make you happy. It might be helpful to get a couple of self help books from Amazon to read. Be gentle with yourself, don't let stress build up.