Never ending limbo...

[lighttone]

Hello everyone I am new here and thought I would try it.

I struggle alot with Ptsd ,anxiety and depression.Also I was born with some learning delays. Not bad enough to point out if you talk to me but I pick up slower on things. Grew up black in a all white town and was bullied. I was adopted by white people that are wonderful. I guess I just never got over my issues and struggle with who I am. I worked all my life until recently, I couldn't handle the anxiety and being around people and finally just quit. I live with my parents who are getting up in age so im happy to help them out and they are great support I am truly lucky. I just got on anxiety meds and they keep me stable from thinking about suicide and drinking alot alone. But I fell numb at times and just lost. My life feels like a uphill battle.

I guess my question is does anyone else feel lost, generally afraid of people? Any advice? Also thank you for reading my mess lol.

[florapeace]

Black girl going to a PWI here! I get it, man. I am uncomfortable every single time I leave the house. I have a really sweet downstairs neighbor and our front doors are adjacent: I will make myself late to work waiting for her to finish watering her plants so I can walk to my car without interaction. I have been feeling numb more and more every day, and I’m losing touch with who I was before I was miserable... so yeah, I guess you could say I feel lost.

[lighttone in reply to florapeace]

Thats rough! Often times my head sets me up for disaster with people. Some interactions can be nice but over all it leaves me drained, like I dodged a bullet. I hope things get better for you, its a never ending war.

[Freedom57]

Good morning lightone

Appreciate you sharing! Your life story is as unique as you are...

I can relate to several parts, I was the middle child of three girls, everyone in my family was blond with blue or green eyes

Me dark dark hair hazel eyes

I was bullied

At age 22 my Mother told me she had an affair & I had a different biological Father

Fast forward, I got married, and adopted three children from India (I’m white)

Although I wasn’t adopted, I know the painful feeling of not fitting in but I didn’t know why

Sounds like you have some needed healing & need to learn to love yourself

I think journaling might be really good for you, expressing what you’ve lost & what you’ve gained by being adopted

I’ve been told every adopted child has to work through their grief of losing their first family

Do you feel comfortable talking to your parent’s

I hope you continue to feel better with time as your meds really kick in

You’re welcome to pm me if you need someone to chat with. My youngest son is very dark skinned, we lived in a small town in Alaska & he was the only “black” boy in an all white school

Sounds like you have a supportive family. I hope you find a tribe of people who will support you on this site also

Hang in there🌻

[lighttone in reply to Freedom57]

That had to be hard to find that out about your birth, people bullying always made me feel like a alien, less then human. I got better through the years but I guess somethings stick with you. That is a good idea.. ive been trying the journal but I keep taking the page out the following day wanting to restart......im odd. Thank you for adopting children im sure it really helped them. The one good thing in my life is my parents, they support me no matter how old a pathetic I become. I would like to keep in touch! You sound like you have some interesting experience on fitting in. To be honest I forget that I am black its hard to relate to my own race lol.

[Freedom57 in reply to lighttone]

I love what you shared that you forget you’re black

I forget my kids are adopted 😊

My kids have difficulty relating to people in their race also

We are related by love not blood is what I always tell people

If you can stop throwing away what you write in time you’ll recognize growth in yourself

Unfortunately we usually do believe what are bullies say we are, less than others but it’s a lie

It’s vital we learn to love ourselves to have a quality life

Please pm me, I’d like to give you my number if you’re interested🌻