Alone with Anxiety

[Shield_Of_Faith]

Hey there I struggle with severe social phobia to the point I never really leave my house in years, I go out once in a blue moon. But it's hard to constantly go out, my brother is always encouraging me, sometimes I try, alot more other times I just can't leave that front door.I've been like this a long time. I hope one day I can manage my anxiety alot better, anxiety may always be there but I pray one can I can control anxiety instead of it controlling me.....sorry I went on a little bit there lol I just hoping I can meet nice people who just get it and knows how tough it can be. God Bless you all!

[Agora1]

Shield_Of_Faith, when I saw your post, I felt it was calling me...

I too, suffered with overwhelming anxiety that went into 5 years of

Agoraphobia in where I never left my house. I couldn't even poke my

head out the door to get the mail. It's a very lonely confining feeling

knowing others are outside living their lives and you are basically

imprisoned in your house. At first it wasn't bad, I thought of it like

being a way to catch up on all the things we never have time for.

After a short while, I started to wonder what's wrong with me in that

I don't want to see anyone, I have my windows covered over with blankets

almost like living the life of a vampire..Sunlight/Daylight bothered me.

I found therapists who would come to my home as well as a doctor, nurses,

lab techs. Food was delivered as well as medications so I found no need

to go out. I realized after a while that all these conveniences were enabling

me to continue to stay stuck. No one understood what I was feeling and going

through. It was one of the craziest things I had ever experienced in life. 5 years

of my life wasted.

And then (to be continued) xx

[Shield_Of_Faith in reply to Agora1]

Yeah I get it, feeling trapped in your house and your anxiety gets so bad, that anxiety keeps you in your home, never getting to enjoy life even the littlest things in life. Anxiety It's like a tall wall keeping me from climbing up it to get to the other side to live a normal healthy life, and when I make the climb I get halfway up and fall back down and stay at home. I wish I can bulldoze through that darn wall. Lol In time, I hope.Sorry for the stupid metaphor lol

Just the best way I think I can explain it emotionally.

[Agora1 in reply to Shield_Of_Faith]

I hear you xx

[Agora1]

Continued....And then I realized that I needed to get back control of my life.

Anxiety wasn't any better while staying in the house. It was a physical thing

scaring me. My mind was afraid of anything and everything. The doorbell

ringing, the phone ringing startled me to no end and caused me to go into

Anxiety attacks. I upped my home therapy to 5 days a week. I was able

to find two psychology students who were ready to graduate and needed

hands on training. That was me. 6 weeks of 2 students came to my home

3 days a week. We worked intensely, I went in and out of attacks and cried

until there were no tears left.

But I never gave up hope that I could and I would get back my control. And this

is what saved me. Small baby steps going outside, one step at a time and back to

my home. Walk in my yard and run back in. Over and over until one day I had an

"aha moment". Everything I researched and struggled with came apparent with

intense therapy that only I could control my emotions. No one else could do this

for me.

The first few times I went out, I had my phone with me and my therapist at the other

end just listening in case I needed encouragement. Family & Friends (few) did not

understand. I had no forum like this, I was on my own. With belief in myself and going

forward, I made it. And now I'm here to pass my success forward. To help support

anyone who is going through the same thing I did. I Care xx

[Shield_Of_Faith in reply to Agora1]

Wow I'm proud that you kept trying even when things seemed very tough for you and for you to want to help others through some of the same stuff you went through, much respect to you. God Bless you!

[Agora1 in reply to Shield_Of_Faith]

And you as well. You are in the right place to receive the support and

understanding you need right now. This is an amazing community and I

am glad you now are a part of it. xx

[Shield_Of_Faith in reply to Agora1]

Thank you I appreciate that very much!

[Artistfriend in reply to Agora1]

Thanks for sharing that as well!

[Artistfriend]

Welcome!

[Dolphin14]

Welcome to the group

🐬

[Teaching]

It is tough, very tough. It happened to me for years until I decided to push myself out. Some days are very hard but God is helping me. It takes a lot of courage but I'm glad I can do it to an extent and I believe, you too can do it.

[Shield_Of_Faith in reply to Teaching]

Yeah I understand, it's that push you feel inside to just try and do it. I felt that sometimes. But thank you for the kind words. I keep praying to God and he gives me strength. 🙏

[misslillie]

I don't get out much. Don't really want to. I hang out at a Marina that is dog friendly. I attend events with my niece. Meet my sister for lunch occasionally. Go to the library. Run the occasional errand. Otherwise I entertain myself alone at home. It's crazy out there. I'm retired now and I have little fear of missing out. I foster dogs and cats for rescue organizations. I don't know who else I would want to hang with or who really wants to hang out with me. I could use contact with a handy man occasionally. Don't know if this limited circle is healthy or not, but it's a lot less drama.

[Lucy2023]

Hi, Shield_of_faith - Great name.

Out of curiousity, what is it you're thinking about that stops you from leaving the house and socialising?

I would say that I've had social anxiety since I was 12, but I had a handle on it until recently, though it mentally exhausts me. My social anxiety is caused by being born with a visible difference and being hard of hearing. To me these are evident things to be anxious about as people in general are ignorant and rude. I've never understood why normal looking people have social anxiety. Apologies if my message seems too nosy, direct or ignorant. I hope you find a way through this as I know what it's like to be imprisoned in your own mind.

[Shield_Of_Faith in reply to Lucy2023]

Thank you! My username comes from one of my favorite Bible verses.Well I never mixed well with people it could be from when I was younger, I was bullied alot. But my Anxiety didn't start till few years after that when I wasn't really bullied anymore, so idk I always feel self conscious of people just staring at me or I'm not the most good looking or something or I'm awkward and not as talkative and I'm just to to quiet. Idk I have a million racing thoughts about myself so I don't really know how my Anxiety started its been so long, I just know I suffer with alot of anxiety inside for many years. Sorry if I'm going on but I just know I get uncomfortable around alot of people and I can't help it. Nothing personal to people, I just suffer with this intense anxiety.

[Lucy2023 in reply to Shield_Of_Faith]

Sorry that you were bullied as a child. That must have been awful and I guess that can have a lasting affect, as you learned from a young age how horrible human beings can be. Sometimes traumas that we experience don't show their affects until years later. It seems like being bullied took it's toll on you and has affected your confidence hugely. I hope you find the confidence and courage within to live a happy life.

[Shield_Of_Faith in reply to Lucy2023]

I appreciate that and thanks for those kind words. And maybe your right but I don't hold onto the memories of bullying it was scary and sad at the time but that was a long long time ago so I've been asked by other people in my life where my severe anxiety condition comes from, I give them theories because I honestly don't remember. I have it, it's in me. It's weird I just developed it over time and it grew to this point we're it's unbearable.Thank you again, I'll try my best.

[Lucy2023 in reply to Shield_Of_Faith]

Do you hold on to anger or have anger that's deeply buried? I'm only writing this from personal experience... I discovered in my early 20's that some anxiety is caused by repressed anger. I discovered this after dumping a partner and buying myself a punchbag. Once I started beating the crap out of it, any nervous energy or feelings of despair I had was gone. Anyway, that's my 2 cents and I shall leave you in peace now.

[Shield_Of_Faith in reply to Lucy2023]

No not really. But my father has severe anger issues, he has problems but I haven't heard from him in like 14 years ago.

[autumnmarie5]

I really like your name!! Your post was very relatable to me. I can't say I struggle as much or the same that you do, but I do feel this occasionally. When I travel away from home or I'm around certain people I often feel the same way. I get to where it's so much easier to stay at home and sit on the couch in my own comfortability. I hope it gets better for you, just one step at a time and you'll get there. Do you take medication? I have noticed my medication has helped me cope when I do go out and have to push through..

[Shield_Of_Faith in reply to autumnmarie5]

Thank you!! Yeah my Anxiety has been so bad over the years that even leaving the front door of my house I get uneasy, I take my dog out so she can pee and stuff, but I get anxious while waiting for her to finish, that I'm like ok I want to go back on my couch now. But I Power through it for my dog to take her time but I still feel being nervous even being outside for a second. I know I feel stupid and frustrated with myself for fearing small things like that. I've seen a lot of different doctors over the years to help me, I mean alot since I was very young, nothing worked. I've tried different meds and they somewhat worked but then eventually they stopped working.So I'm just trying to survive this life at this point, I can't really live it and enjoy it. I do enjoy things here and there no matter how small. But I'm trying to hang in there. By the Grace of God. 🙏

[autumnmarie5 in reply to Shield_Of_Faith]

Just remember that this is not our home, we will get through these trials. I know that my couch is my safe space and my favorite place to be and I think that has a lot to do with my anxiety. I am going out of town this weekend and every time without fail I'm always sick because I am extremely anxious because I am away from my environment. I try to tell people that but they don't understand. I try to tell myself it's only a 4 hour rode trip and we are coming back on Sunday but it still doesn't seem to help me get out of my head or eat.

[Shield_Of_Faith in reply to autumnmarie5]

I understand that, I would go on vacations in the past to the beach with my family that takes I think 2 or 3 hours car ride there and then I have to go on a public board walk with crowded people. I did that for years at first wanting to, then every it started to become more and more like a chore then a vacation and the one year I didn't go anymore with my family and just stayed home until they got back, my family was always feeling heartbroken thar I couldn't do it anymore but I just couldn't power through it anymore. I haven't been on vacation with them I think since 2016. So it's tough I get it. I pray you and I in time get stronger.

[autumnmarie5 in reply to Shield_Of_Faith]

Thank you so much. I pray that we do too!! I keep reciting Bible verses to myself and as cliche as this sounds I know God has gotten me through all of the anxious times because I'm still her. However, it's still hard to remember in the tough times. I try to look at it like yes I might need a lot of medicine to get me through social events and being away, but at least I'm trying my hardest when all I want to do is be at home. So don't feel alone! I am always a message away and you are in my prayers😊

[Shield_Of_Faith in reply to autumnmarie5]

No problem! And it's not a cliche, God has gotten me through so many things that I can look back and say wow that situation could been 1,000 times worse but God provided me a path. Even in my long ending struggles,God has been good to me, when I felt I never deserved it.

Thank you me too. I'm always here.

✝️🙏