Feeling like s--t!!!

[lovedogs51511]

I'm depressed a lot due to my mother always being loved by everybody and I'm always the piece of s--t! I'm so sick of living being treated like a Damn disease cause I have mental illness!!! I didn't say hey God can you please give me this so my life will be s--t. I'm mean come on really?? Just cause she doesn't deal with this crap I don't deserve to be treated like garbage! God I'm so sick of living!!! No reason I'm here so what the hell!! Oh and I really hate her when she says I deal with,it everyday with you!!! Or gets pissed of at me!! I'm like oh yea right you deal with it??? I always say God I wish you dealt with this crap for an hour!! See how happy and successful you are then!!! Oh God I'm so sorry everybody!! I'm just livid with her AGAIN!! Does anyone out there deal with family like this??? I need help to not feel alone!!! Have a great day☺Sorry for my bad language its just hard when I'm upset so,I apologize!!😊

[Hidden]

Oh I'm so so sorry you are having to deal with this. When my mom passed , she was the glue that held the family together...I told everyone the family is falling apart..no one believed me....it is true though! I'm here for you....you know that sister!!!! Love & Hugs!!! XXX

[lovedogs51511 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you! I'm so livid with her!!! She's always loved by everybody and I mean everybody!! I'm always the weirdo piece of mental s--t! Hate saying that but that's how she makes me feel. Will you be my young beautiful mom?? And my sister friend?? Lol. I so wish!!! How ya hanging in there?

[Hidden in reply to lovedogs51511]

I'll be for you whatever you want me to be for you!!! I'm really down today....we had such a wonderful time when hubby was on vacation & yesterday morning we had to say goodby! This too shall pass! Love you bunches & bunches!!!! XXX

[lovedogs51511 in reply to Hidden]

Oh That's so sweet Lisa thank you!! I know you were having a great time but just count the days down to your anniversary and think of the fun you'll have in just a few weeks☺love you more sister!! Your the best☺🙏😄

[Hidden in reply to lovedogs51511]

No you're the BEST!!! Hahahaha!!!! I can't seem to stop crying..maybe I should of done it yesterday!!! Oh well! Loads ...dump trucks full of love & hugs to you!!! XXX

[lovedogs51511 in reply to Hidden]

Awww Lisa I'm so sorry your crying....sending you so much love and hugs!!!! It will get better I promise!!!

[Hidden in reply to lovedogs51511]

Thank you beautiful!!! XXX

[gogogirl]

Your picture by the way looks great!!! Sorry you feel this way. You are not a piece of sh-t. Sounds like your mom might be worried about you- families can be complicated as we know.

[lovedogs51511 in reply to gogogirl]

Oh yes they can be difficult indeed!! Thank you for the ,kind words. My mom just thinks she deals with this as much as I do. I'm like your not the one who's had, 6 hours sleep the last 4 days or depressed or suffering anxiety keeping you housebound!! ,she drives me batty!!! Its like you don't go up to a person with cancer as a healthy person and say oh I totally know what chemos like.!!! Omg that would be god awful right!! Its no different I don't think!! Am I being ridiculous???

[gogogirl in reply to lovedogs51511]

No, you are not. Is there a NAMI chapter in your area? They have groups for people who have had mental health issues as well as those for families of those who have.

[lovedogs51511 in reply to gogogirl]

Not sure but I went to those back in wa stat,e. Sorry ,phone types for me. Just another irritant. Lol. My moms to good to be seen at one of those groups and I'm just glad I'm not cold or stuck up like her!! Thank God for that. Yet ppl like her and not me. Unbelievable!!

[gogogirl in reply to lovedogs51511]

Hope you can find a group like a NAMI connection for yourself or a Recovery Learning Community so you can find more people to support you . Be kind to yourself. I know when it's family it can be even harder.

[lovedogs51511 in reply to gogogirl]

Yea I appreciate, your time and advice. Your to kind. Ill check into it!!

[lovedogs51511 in reply to lovedogs51511]

Sorry my phones going app to app on its own I'm going absolutely crazy!!!

[hypercat54 in reply to lovedogs51511]

Hi I am confused! You have often said how great your family are and how much you are loved and how lucky you are. Isn't this the case? Or is it just your mother who makes you feel like this? x

[lovedogs51511 in reply to hypercat54]

They are really great but I always feel like I'm treated like this mental mess compared to them who always have successes in life and I never have. Not a good feeling. My mother always drives me nuts. Lol. I love her lots but some days I could scream bloody murder!!! Lmao

[hypercat54 in reply to lovedogs51511]

Do you think that really is how they treat you? Or do you see it as mostly in your mind? x

[lovedogs51511 in reply to hypercat54]

Its how they come off to me. I just don't like it but have no control over it. I'm just glad I don't treat ppl different just based on looks or illnesses. Its so wrong. Like I love the homeless but my family would judge them. Total bullshit.

[lovedogs51511 in reply to hypercat54]

They are still loving so I just go with the flow always have! Lol

[hypercat54 in reply to lovedogs51511]

Fair enough. But it's not good if they are judging you. x

[lovedogs51511 in reply to hypercat54]

Yea I know but their not going to change so its just frustrating sometimes!! My mother actually gets mad at me if I'm depressed or having mood swings from bipolar2. Gets upset if anxiety is getting to me. I just wish she dealt with this shit for one hour ya know. She acts like if it doesn't affect her mentally or physically then I'm just being a whiny bitch about nothing. Right now her back hurts and she's acting like feel bad for me cause now IM hurt. Its like nope ill treat you like you do me!!!

[hypercat54 in reply to lovedogs51511]

Sounds like she lacks empathy. x

[gogogirl in reply to lovedogs51511]

I'll bet if you thought long and hard you have had some good times - like all of the times you are good to people and animals. Also, what is success? In the USA- seems like "success" is about how much money and how many degrees one has. Remember hearing about Kate Spade? She was a top fashion designer, had a family, friends and the news reported that she committed suicide several weeks ago. Strange, right? You have connections to family. Sounds like you are living in a nice community. I think family is complicated because we humans are complicated!!!! My parents have been gone for a long long long time. Miss them. Please be kind to yourself. I think you mentioned that you are sleep deprived- I hope you can get to the bottom of that even if you have to see a MD>

[gogogirl in reply to gogogirl]

Anyway, you sound like a really good person.

[lovedogs51511 in reply to gogogirl]

Thanks I try to be a good person to everyone no matter who they are or what someone looks like cause I hate always being judged and ignored as if I'm not there! Its not nice to do to someone!! Personally I love the homeless and elderly!!

[lovedogs51511 in reply to gogogirl]

I absolutely agree with you!! That's why I couldn't understand why robin Williams committed suicide. Such a wonderful soul like him I thought your life is magical with so many ppl loving him!! But yea depression doesn't discriminate does it!! I'm so so sorry your parents passed. I tell God I just wish she knew how crappy dealing with all this really is but its like I give up she'll never understand or get it. Every time I'm with her like today at Verizon the asshole helping me or more like her asked her if I wanted my messages I thought I'm the one with the phone it,is not hers but I ALWAYS get treated like a piece of shit and totally ignored as if I'm not there!!! Totally annoying and its a pretty shitty feeling!! Last night I finally got sleep.

[BW33]

😢