I feel disgusting, inadequate, useless, worthless, ugly, fat, and absolutely loathe every last inch of myself. I hate the holidays. I hate pretending like everything is okay. Like my whole family loves each other. Like my boyfriend isnt on drugs. Like all my worries in the world are gone, but they aren't. I am so fucking disgusting and miserable I just don't even have the words. I want to jump out of my skin and explode. I hate my job, I hate my home, I hate the people I've chosen to love, and I hate this whole horrible cold empty fucking world. I am filled with an ugly mess of emotions and I don't think they will ever stop, or ever get better. I think it is all a load of bull shit. I think the people who don't feel this way, are lucky; and normal. Yet, I think they're fucking blind. Must be nice to live in a state of oblivion, God only knows I miss it.