I've spent the past few days standing at the rail of a bridge, contemplating wether I should jump. I lost almost everyone in my life that matter to me. One I had to cut off after 11 years for being abusive who took all of our friends with him. And one I loved with my whole heart who I lost due to the abusive grasp and actions dealt by my "Best friend of 11 years" who I just mentioned. These as you all know are hard times to make friends or see other friends as we all must do our parts to stay safe and bring the pandemic to an end. I have worked with a therapist since late august without the knowledge of anyone I know in order to find a way to break away from the 11 year abuser. I then made my therapy public and began taking medication to improve my wellbeing as far as some unchecked mental illness I have. I'm feeling great, no kidding and I have so many methods of taking care of myself and processing the times with the old friend and write down things to talk to them about every week.
So why do I visit the bridge? I mean I am doing so much better so why consider something so scary? I just feel confused about other things. I know they weren't ready for love to that level and honestly I wasn't either. I just wish I could have a second shake at things. Someone who I found so much comfort in and gave so much comfort too, someone that I could share genuine happiness with and talk to about everything and anything we wanted. All I want is nothing more than to know you again, and be your friend and talk to you. You used to tell me how much you loved and cared for me, I haven't a negative thought about you, I just wish you would turn back around and give me another chance.
Don't jump. Not yet.
Written by
Rey_Canyon
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Today is a new day the past is gone, create a new life for yourself better than the past, use all your past to make the future better.
Okay, please, stay away from the bridge for awhile. You're obviously still going through a lot of mixed feelings and emotions even though you think you're getting better. Get your mind thinking about something different and more positive than jumping off of a bridge.
Well that's great but your bridge obsession here is really making me nervous. I'd just stay away from there if you're contemplating jumping. Get yourself some better hobbies than wandering around a bridge. Read an uplifting book or build a Lego house project or talk to your therapist about all this, just SOMETHING else. I say this with love!!!💕
You are loved. There are people who care about you. Let us be your support system. You’re never alone ❤️
Hey, I was where you were as far as losing someone I loved. I actually spent 12+ years of my young adult life with his abuse, but thought it was normal. For me, at least, I did not feel good about myself and was abused as a child, so I was repeating the cycle. Then every guy I dated and even friends weren't emotionally available, superficial, and shallow. One of my friends who I was always there for threw me away for a guy. It still hurts, I won't lie. They'd say they were my friends etc...but weren't. After I became healthy with lots of therapy and medication, I realized these people were a reflection of how I felt and got rid of all of them. I was finally able to find someone that unconditionally loves me. However, I had to get to the point of self love. it took me awhile to get there. Why do you stand at the bridge is a good question. I want you to know even though we're all in hard times on this site and now the stress of the pandemic for the for not just us, but the world, you are WORTHY OF LOVE, YOU HAVE US -YOUR TRIBE. Take it day by day. One foot in front of the other. There will be better days. We're all in the same boat. YOU ARE WORTHY. YOU ARE LOVED. Instead of going to the bridge, is there somewhere else that gives you solace? Even if you want to go in the direction of the bridge, could you try to go to a place or do something that brings beauty of some kind into your life? Even if it's just standing on the grass with bare feet and looking at nature. WE ARE HERE FOR YOU.
One other thing, I read your bio. I am a very open person and like to learn about new things. I watched I AM JAZZ ( following the journey of a young transgendered female). Not sure if you've watched. Just the transitioning and stress made her depressed. I'm not going to pretend I know anything about being transgender, but I am learning. So correct me if I get it wrong. Besides us, your friends on this site, is there a transgender support group or an LBGTQ+ near you that might hold small meetings, wearing masks and being pandemic safe? Totally different, I know, but my niece is gay and around your age, so I check in with her to make sure she is Ok. So, I care. I care about you.
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