Extreme Paranoia

[brandylina]

Ive had anxiety for many years, but its turned into extreme paranoia ever since covid. the world doesnt feel safe anymore. i get anxiety whenever i leave my house. every night i have to take a picture of the door locks to keep myself from checking them 3+ times. ive been waking up at 5am like clockwork every day in a state of tenseness and and anxiety. i just want to feel normal. i want to feel confident when im not at my house. this has caused me to feel numb and distant and i feel so guilty because of it. i feel like i cant lean on anyone or else i become too much of a burden so i bottle everything up. i just want life to return to normal. having anxiety this intense is really exhausting mentally and physically. im starting to think i have ocd. i want to talk to someone but the thought of going to therapy again and opening up to someone really stresses me out.

[Purrsona]

Hi brandylina. I have also been having trouble with anxiety and agoraphobia. You are not a burden; you are having a totally understandable reaction to an unprecedented worldwide crisis. Your feelings are absolutely valid.

I know sometimes there is a little bit of rigmarole to setting up therapy, but since you mentioned it, I encourage you to take the leap. May I ask why you're hesitating? Did you have a bad experience before?

[brandylina in reply to Purrsona]

ive had good and bad experiences before. the thought of needing therapy again just doesnt sit right with me i cant really explain it. maybe its a pride thing. i went to therapy for 4 years for depression and made tremendous progress, but the thought of going back makes it feel like im right back where i started

[Purrsona in reply to brandylina]

I understand, it's so frustrating. But after all, it sounds like you're going back for a different issue that you could get new insights on. What if you tell yourself that you'll just try out one introductory appointment to see if it's a good fit?

[brandylina in reply to Purrsona]

youre right. its hard to bring myself to do it but im going to try. thank you.

[Hidden]

Yep. Get it. OCD is a sign of anxiety, wanting to double check on everything. However during this crisis, to avoid not wearing a mask or social distancing might be ill advised. I have to train myself now, to methodically work through lists of tasks. It helps to control the mind when you know you are going to do some ironing at o o clock, or wash the kitchen floor. My OCD has been made worse by an outbreak of fleas..the cats have had tablets, and now steaming every room..no time for lists! Having a sense of humour is important, but it is hard if you are on your own, and cannot chat with folk. Keeping on the phone helps to family and friends. Hope your day improves.

[brandylina in reply to Hidden]

hey corin. gosh fleas are awful! we had them once from the pets and it was just something else. making lists helps me a lot too i just feel like sometimes its hard to find the drive to do anything when it gets bad like this

[Hidden in reply to brandylina]

Yes you feel antisocial but the warm weather can bring them on. Lists are stabilising as are writing diaries, or your thoughts. You are in control of your world. Trouble is forgetting items and having to write another list to go back to the shops. Ha! Think everyone is anxious and we are not alone. If you can't talk through mask or hear, then there's trouble at till. Have to watch at till as one was charged thirty pounds for a herring in Waitrose. That was in the seventies! So pleased someone else is feeling the same.

[Ummpeter]

Sorry you’re having such a bad time. I get anxious when shopping so limit how often I go. I’ve found visiting parks and gardens helps with my confidence and wellbeing. I go at off- peak times so as to avoid potential crowds. Be patient and kind with yourself. Give yourself time to adjust to the new reality. I hope you feel better soon

[brandylina in reply to Ummpeter]

thank you so much ummpeter. im really hoping things can return to normal someday

[JCPrague]

Anxiety is really a terrble feeling. I suffer from it. It is exhausting. I take some meds for it that seem to work sometimes, but not other times. I don't have an easy answer for it. I wish you the best.