Hey

[shrs3]

hi, i wanted to put my story out here to see if anyone can relate. My anxiety first started randomly one day when i woke up. Out if no whereni rmemeber waking up and for the next two weeks i literally didnt leave my house. I didnt know what was happening. I was shaking and fearful of every little thing. My brain felt weird like brain fog. I thought it was a sinus infection or congestion. Ever since that day ive been having these feelings everyday since then. So about 3 years at this point. I feel out if it, detatched, my minds racing, i feel depressed, unloved and uncared for. I get panic attacks randomly. Most of them started after i smoked weed on day. Usually when i smoke literally nothing happens. Ive only smoked a handful of times. When i smoked i had the worst trip ever i felt so unreal and i cant remember any if it. Like i remember time felt so weird and everything around me felt so weird. Ive been on medicine for a year now and im thinking of stopping it because it doesnt work on me. I also have some mild ocd and a lot of racing thoughts that put me into a panic attack. I usually think if things like where did we come from. What happens when we die. Eternity. And how did our world start out. And how are we real. Those thoughts usually put me into panic. Ive always kind of had those thoughts when i was younger but they are a lot worse now. When im in a panic attack everything around me seems unreal and im afraid im going to do something stupid. I usually just run outside if im panicking in my house or if im in the car i feel like im going to make myself crash because im so scared i just want to put myself out of my misery. I suck at making friends because im so emotionally detached. I grew up with a mean critical mom and 4 years ago i was sexually assaulted. I started going to a therapist who thinks a lot of the reason my anxiety happened out of no where was because i hide my feelings and emotions inside so much. There hasnt been a day in the past 3 years i havent experienced these symptoms. Especially the brain fog is what i call it because thats the only way i can describe it. I feel like im on auto pilot. I dont enjoy anything at all and i cant feel emotions like love. I cant believe that anyone would care about me or love me. I feel like a loser. Theres been times where i had to call into work because of my symptoms and ive dropped out of school many times because my brain fog makes it so i cant focus or understand anything and i used to be so smart with a great memory. Anyway, i know this is started to sound like a lot of blaber but I would like to hear about eveyone elses struggles too

[Hidden]

I'm pretty much going through the same thing for four years. Everyone says don't be afraid of the thoughts or symptoms but I'm having a hard time doing that. I'm scared always. I try to walk it helps. I am on meds that I'm now dependent on. I don't know what to do?

[shrs3 in reply to Hidden]

I know its way harder than people think to just turn off the thoughts. I wish i never started meds honestly i feel like if anything its only made my depression worse so my next appointment im getting off of them asap! What meds are you on that youre dependant on? I made it clear to my doctor i didn't want to be put on any anti anxiety pills because so many of them are habit forming.

[Hidden in reply to shrs3]

I'm on klonopin and trintellix. Since I've been put on trintellix a week ago I have felt terrible I keep calling and they keep saying give it a chance. But I can't take a it.

[shrs3 in reply to Hidden]

Ive been put on klonopin too. But the lowest dose .50 mg. So honestly it does nothing for me, but it can be habit forming so i really dont like taking it and i was really hesitant at first so thats why i keep such a low dose. And ive experienced adverse side effects before with celexa but my doctor told me to stop taking it if it made me feel uncomfortable. If its unbearable i would definitely talk to your doctor about getting in and trying something else. What youre going through doesnt sound fun at all and ive been there before

[BonnieSue in reply to shrs3]

In the last 10 months I have reduced my klonopin from 4.0 mg per day to 1.0 mg per day so it's not necessarily addicting. I was on 4.0 mg per day for 28 years.

[Hidden]

I have some depression too

[Eddie83]

I imagine you already know by now that brain fog, depression, panic attack can all be caused by endocrine dysfunction. I realize many psychologists like to blame these hard-core symptoms on past trauma, but past trauma is not the only explanation of these symptoms.

[shrs3 in reply to Eddie83]

I have had some tests done by my gp. However i am going in soon to get somemore to make sure it isnt anything else

[RiderontheStorm in reply to shrs3]

Afib can also make you feel as if you are in, or cause a panic attack.

How is your heartbeat? Is it in normal sinus rhythm?

[NFDK]

Hi there, I only "liked" your post because it resonated with me so much. Here are a few of my thoughts about what you wrote. They're only my observations and opinions of course, so you'll need to decide for yourself how much validity they have to you personally. I definitely got a strong feeling of loss of control and maybe any therapy you have should be focused on how you can take control back for yourself. I recognised the loss of self-esteem and the loneliness. I know that it's an old treatment, but CBT might help with both of those issues in that it might give you the confidence you need to overcome them. Oh sorry, there's so much more that I wanted to say, but I have brain fog myself right now. Anyway, this is a truly excellent place for you to get some support and understanding from people who can really empathise with what you are experiencing. Best wishes, Wendy x

[shrs3 in reply to NFDK]

I just recently started CBT a couple months ago after two unsuccessful therapists. I have a really good feeling about my therapist now, shes gotten me to open up a lot more than any of the others. Funny my last therapist said the same thing about loss of control which i can definitely seen in myself. I also just started neurofeedback as well so im curious to see if that works out for me.

[NFDK]

That sounds good. Certainly, you need to have a rapport with the therapist and it's ideal if you can be in the driving seat for the experience.