Paralysed

I feel so worthless. Ive felt this way all my life and I dont function well at all. When I have the internet I just use it to escape from my problems and just obsessively watch youtube or read quora. Its why I dont have access to it, but lately Ive had it and I feel its so hard to escape. Its just that deep down I am lonely and sad and I feel very hopeless for myself. I think I struggle lots with my self esteem and sometimes I think of not living any more. I dont know how to explain it. Im just very poorly. I feel very paralysed and dont enjoy life and just want to give up. As a kid I never did anything fun either growing up. Life was so intense. I think its deeply affected me and now enjoying life feels like another language to me. Ive got internet now but I think I need to cancel it. I think it makes my problems worse. I honestly dont care about myself. I just sort of exist. Since alot of bad things happened in recent years I dont have any dreams or goals I want to fulfil. Only one, but even that I struggle with. I feel so low and sad. I guess when someone's value and identity gets questionned on the deepest level it is really hard. I have always felt a need to be believed and understood too. But ita hard for me not to take it personally when I feel so heavily judged every day. I dont look at life in this world and see any hope for myself anymore. I used to see it before all the judgement but I dont any more. Im broken really and I dont want to deal with this any more. Its hard for me to not live in fear. Fear of whatever I do being torn apart. It paralyses me and makes me not want to try. It all feels pointless to me.

[Hidden]

Hi I'm sorry you're feeling poorly. Yes fear is paralyzing. You can prevail though. Most of the time fear is just in our heads, and our poor little brains magnify it out of proportion. It's great that you have a goal you want to work towards to accomplish your dream. I hope you can focus on that to help get you through the dark times.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Im just struggling alot to feel any self worth at all to be motivated to pursue anything. I dont tell anyone as I dont know how or where to begin 😞 Alot of the fears are real too. Events in my life have resulted in certain realities that are hard to live with. Thank you for your kind comment though. I thought of deleting this post but I will keep it. It just feels so raw.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Your post is great as it is very expressive and it's important to express how you are feeling. It can be super challenging to even understand our feelings, and releasing them can be another challenge altogether. Motivation is hard and fear can be stifling. Just know that you are worth it... whatever you're up against, whatever you struggle with from day to day, you are worth the struggle and you can do this. ❤️

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you

[13ga]

CB;

SO much of what you said resonates for me. i KNOW how you feel. its a dark and unhappy place. been there, done that.

several things helped me start to come out...

1) i'm not religious, but the serenity prayer says it all. try not to dwell on the stuff beyond your control, and focus on the things within your reach. i KNOW you don't have the energy or desire to reach for them. but if you can let go of the crap you absolutely have no control over, then those that are in your control will move closer to your grasp.

2) do you know how you eat an elephant??? 1 tiny bite at a time. forget the elephant! focus on just your first byte!

3) do little things, that require very little energy to build your self esteem and confidence. i joined this group to help myself - but the path to helping myself is paved in connecting to others that understand, and helping others along the way. The internet is a triple bladed sword. it can be the most wondrous tool if used right; it can be the most dangerous weapon if not controlled; and it can be the single biggest distraction from real life - a cyber drug. like all drugs, a little can go a long way, and too much can be fatal. moderation in everything! balance is the key!

4) try doing some volunteer work. change your environment - spend some time helping someone else. that (a) gives you a positive purpose to focus on (b) their appreciation will help to build your confidence and esteem (c) what? do you need a (c)? isn't a and b enough???

5) last but not least - you gotta DO 1 thru 4! can't just sit and think about them. the biggest hurdle is getting started - once you're over that threshold, momentum starts working in your favor!!

HTH...

[Hidden in reply to 13ga]

Thanks thats good of you to take the time to write that. I agree with it all 🙂

[langedechu]

hey again. this response is gonna be a lot shorter but definitely to get a point across. people judge. it's just part of human nature. even if you don't believe yourself it's good to have someone there for you or someone you can depend on. this community will always support you and never judge you because we're all the same here. whenever I want to end it all I think about all of the people who could possibly care and I wonder, is it really worth it? just know we (I) are here for you and will never let you down. stay warm x

[Hidden in reply to langedechu]

Thank you 💚

[Bluemarie]

Please hang in there... big hug to you

[Hidden in reply to Bluemarie]

Thank you very much. Big hug back to you too 😊