The depression keeps weighing me down

my depression just keeps weighing me down. I turned 30 last week and feel like my whole life has been a waste. I Have had a job for the last 12 years and then one day I had my breaking point and I quit my job. I felt like giving up. I have tried different jobs, I really tried but just didn't feel comfortable. I have been unemployed for 6 months. So i called my old job and was informed i can reapply in Sept. I can't wait for September to get here so I can be rehired in a different department.

I want to get my own house. But every way I go kicks me in the teeth! I want to buy a house around my area but they all are at least 40years old at starting cost of $90,000 and need some repair....ive thought of a Manufactured home because my parents gave me 2 acres which is nice cleared land but with that I also have to find a manufactured home that is affordable, get a well dug/well house built, dig spot for my sewer, get electricity, get a propane tank,make my driveway....

I have to have a job for 6months to get financed for a manufactured home. So if I get my job back in September, in Feb I will be able to go psee if I can finance a loan fora manufactured home. In a way I CANNOT wait to have my own house even if it's simple and basic. But everytime I try to look positive about it, my mother gets hateful with me as if she's jealous. Im trying to make a life and get a house for myself and when she gets hateful it's like a knife in my stomach:

if anyone has any advice, I would gladly appreciate it

[Blueruth]

Perspective: 30 * 3 is probably how long you can expect to live. You have time for at least 3 careers and then 3 decades of doing nothing. Put that in perspective.

I think you could change your mindset and turn that depression around...

Advice...

Your mother probably is jealous. Be easy on her. I am old enough to be her peer and I can tell you being single women with your own property was not encouraged. Not unheard of but not encouraged. My mother had to get married to have property and it wasn't technically hers. Each gen has more opportunity.

Don't ever count on a company for your job. Companies are not family. There is no loyalty. I cannot underestimate this enough. For example if someone has a friend who can do the job they could possibly hire them and tell you sorry. You need to be looking for a job now. If you haven't found one by then fine. OTOH you could find a better job. Right now you are in a very vulnerable position... depending on a single company. You should always be asking yourself how you can grow your career independent of the company you work for. The job should support the career not the other way around.

Not saying all that to depress you. You are young enough to resilient and grow as a woman. Hopefully that gives you some idea on how you can be more empowered.

[Hidden in reply to Blueruth]

Thank you blueruth. My mother regrets marrying my father, she never dated or anything until she met him then 3 months later they married. They are complete opposites. My father is a loner and prefers to stay alone and need nobody because his family's is that way, whereas my mother's family was outgoing so I honestly don't understand how they even spoke to each other. When I asked my father he said he was pressured to marry my mother by her family. My mother said she wanted to divorce him just a month after they married because he was sullen and acted like she was a burden. There was no romance. I found this out 2 yrs ago. After that it got harder living with them. They both are now sullen and bitter toward each other and most of the time toward me.

Im praying I get this job to move on with my life. The job is a factory job in our town that hires anyone but it's full time and comes with insurance. I have to get my own house because living with 2 people who hate each other is not a way to live life.

I want to get a trailer house to put out on the land that my parents gave me but im thinking will it truly give me space?!?

Whats your opinion? I appreciate any advice you are willing to give

[Blueruth in reply to Hidden]

Do you want to stay there? I mean you can go anywhere you want. You don't have kids or other financial responsibilities that would keep you there. There is a whole wide world but you can also move back someday. The land will be there. Maybe you build, maybe you sell. What do you think about that idea?

[Hidden in reply to Blueruth]

You are right. I have nothing really holding me here. I only have 3 bills right now. I have some savings that would help me rent a place around my town, or when I get a job I can get a loan to buy a house in my town. Im leaning more to buying a house around my town. Granted the homes are older and need some superficial work but are very loveable. I don't need anything fancy. Im a simple woman. I just need enough to get by. If I lived close to my family, I think I would still feel the stress and pressure hanging over my head when they want to come over or tell me how to do things like they do now.

[Blueruth in reply to Hidden]

A home is an investment too. you will have your own equity over time. Renting one of those older places is a good way to see if you are cut out to remodel a place on your own. Not a bad way to go. Even simple women try other places... even for a short while Assuming you get that job you still have a month.

[Hidden]

You are still very young and have a bright future ahead of you. 12 years of work experience will give you leverage to any job you apply comparing to freshmen out of college, so breath.😊 You mentioned the 90k manufactured home, is it from Home Depot right? I saw their commercials on YouTube and always curious how that would work. Anyways, it sounds very exciting to look forward to building your first home. BOL✌️

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I looked them up online. I didn't know home depot did manufactured homes. That's pretty cool. Thank you. Hope you are having a good day

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Yes look into it even just for reference. It’s a great option for millennials to own their first home under 30K. Renting is throwing away money.Thank you. I’m relaxing today as I’m out of town for work this weekend. Hope to hear your good news in near future. 👍

[Midori in reply to Hidden]

Would you be allowed to live on the plot of land in an RV? Or a trailer just for the time being? Just until you could get things organised?

Your parents seem very unhappy, but they shouldn't be making you feel bad because of it.

Hopefully, they wouldn't try to take the land from you. I hope you have the title to the land. Keep it carefully, and safe.

Cheers, Midori

[Hidden in reply to Midori]

The land is in my father's name. That's why im hesitant to get a modular home because all my stuff would be on THEIR land in their name. The trailer i buy, the electricity I get hooked up, the well I have to get dug, it would be in my name but it's all on THEIR land. I tried talking to him to buy 2 acres where I want my modular home but he says no I need the land. You can use it but it's my land. That's where im mad because once I put all my stuff on it, he has electricity,sewer, and a new well.

[Midori in reply to Hidden]

That's sneaky!

[AnxiousSilver]

" I turned 30 last week and feel like my whole life has been a waste."

30 is not old, let's get that right out of the way.

[AnxiousSilver]

"But everytime I try to look positive about it, my mother gets hateful with me as if she's jealous. Im trying to make a life and get a house for myself and when she gets hateful it's like a knife in my stomach: "

Is she really that "jealous/hateful" if your parents gave you 2 acres of land?

Or were you supposed to not use that land for a while.

.

I probably sound sarcastic ATM, but I'm not trying to be, just trying to understand and help.

[Tara52]

Just to put it into perspective, how would you like to be my age almost 70 and still struggling with some depression. I wish I had all the years ahead that you do. Don't let those negative thoughts in and and ruin your day. I had a very negative jealous mother also and I allowed her in my life until she passed when she was 89 y/o. She stayed critical of me until she died. I wish I had the courage to lovingly stand up to her and keep my distance. I wouldn't have suffered as much. Maybe attending CODA meetings would help you with this issue. Have you read the book Codependent No More ?

[Hidden in reply to Tara52]

No I haven't read that book

[compasnet]

... just some simple (no pun intended LOL) advice: it sounds like you have many skills...especially regarding homes, houses, how/what to look for and buy. (I wish you were around when I got mine). Wi th all due respect to MO M, you're come a long way, and have so much to be proud of. ...including reaching out to people here who've in need of your support. You've got lots of people here who admire/support you. Good luck. 🙏.