Need help now

[BeachCat]

Hi! I'm new here and am hoping someone can help me. I have depression & anxiety and my husband & I got into a huge fight last weekend and we are not speaking. The house has essentially been divided in half and we stay to our sides. This has pulled me down into a deeper depression than I was already in. I just don't know what to do. I'm so overwhelmed and have been crying all day. He is my rock and has been helping me though the pandemic so much and now I just feel so lost and alone. If anyone has some kind words or advice, I'd really appreciate it.

[WiltedFlower]

i'm so sorry you're having a dispute :/ but I'm glad you had support with him, now lets see if we can gain it back! first off, if you don't mind and it isn't too personal, a few more details about what the fight was about and how you want things to change would be nice to know trying to help you.

[BeachCat in reply to WiltedFlower]

Thanks. It's kind of been building for a while. I have not been handling the pandemic well at all and he has taken the brunt of my negativity and mood swings. He feels like he spends all of his time managing my emotions and can't do anything for himself. This weekend I think he just snapped. It was just one too many days of my emotions ruining the day. He doesn't feel like I'm paying attention to his needs during this time and don't care and dismiss his feelings. It's not that I don't care (that couldn't be farther from the truth), I just have a hard time showing it when my depression & anxiety are so bad. I really can't think about anything other than how awful I feel.

[WiltedFlower in reply to BeachCat]

do you think you can put that aside and pay attention to him?... Because it sounds like he really needs some love and affection. I think you both would benefit from some time together and to talk things out. Its best not to make excuses or to try to explain things, b/c it may be misunderstood. Maybe make his favorite dessert or just some cookies and ask him if he'd like to do something cutesy like watch a movie and cuddle, or just do something that he likes. Just try to show him the opposite of what he's thinking. But as for yourself, I think you should really clear your mind. And by that, I mean don't even spend any time thinking about the issue more than you have to. some people just benefit better if they just don't even put any energy into it.

[Hidden]

No one gets along 100% of the time. Try to compromise with each other and meet each other halfway. I hope you 2 can resolve the situation.

[cbgrace1980]

Stress is high right now! I'm sure things between you will cool down soon. My husband and I had a huge fight about 2 months ago and I didn't know if we could recover, but we did. If you feel out of control, find a trusted counselor that you can talk with. That always helps me.

[Hidden]

Hiya beach cat...

When my wife and I get into fights that crushes me into a rage filled anxious depression like “snap”...

Take days to for that excitement to fizzle out for me where I feel more capable and proud . We are all strong it’s just that our anxiety lies. Sorry you’re in it’s current grasp

[BeachCat]

Thank you everyone! I am feeling better today. I made the first step and tried to talk with him. It was a one-sided conversation, but at least he didn't walk away.

[Giggles007 in reply to BeachCat]

Try an at home date. A bonfire with s’mores, make dinner together or a movie or game night. Something fun and relaxing.

[Kat_21]

Hi! I hope things get better for you. My husband and me have a lot of issues now with me being home literally all the time, and him driving a truck and being on the open road all day. It gets me frustrated with him, and instead of talking through it, I usually just blow up. He has to put up with a lot from me and I know it's not fair and just like your husband, he probably feels like his emotions and needs don't matter.

It's good you're trying to talk it out. A tip from me is to get a journal! Writting down those emotions instead of relying on my husband has been helping a lot.

And maybe talk to someone else about the stress you're having and give him a break. To us, they seem like super humans who can carry the weight of the world, but it's important to remember they are still human and get upset as well.

I hope things get better for you both.

[EuroJoy]

Hi. So sorry that you are going through this and I can imagine how hard it must be for you living in a "divided" manner with the person closest to you. As you say, he probably just snapped as his batteries may be low as well. He might have put his concerns and feelings about the pandemic aside to take care of you (what a wonderful husband that he's been your rock). I know when you are going through depression, it is hard to give but from my experience of going through phases of depression, that is probably one thing that did help me out - when I shifted my focus on all my concerns and worries and sad feelings to others around me. Again, I know it may not be easy as you might feel tears welling up suddenly. But remind yourself that you are loved.

Also, maybe you could write a letter or email to your husband showing all your appreciation for everything he has been and done the last few months and in your lives together. Sometimes, writing may help. And then gradually just talk to him whether he wants to watch a movie together or go out for dinner - maybe avoid 'deep' talks which may drive you to anxiety and depression again.

When I have arguments with my husband, I find praying for God to soften both our hearts so that we can see the other's point of view, really helpful.