I need help desperately :(

[Rachms11]

Hi all

I need some help. My boyfriend of over 12 months and I split two weeks ago cuz we were having a lot of problems. He said he still loves me deeply and wants us to tryagain. I've struggled on and off over the last 10 years with depression and anxiety. I've has trouble this last few months with it, (we got a rental house together first time), and he is also struggling too. His dad died last year suddenly.

I'm trying to sort it out. I've been away staying with my parents, so we can have some space from arguing. I just really miss how happy we were before. Is it possible to be fixed or should we properly leave eachother for good? I'm heart broken

[Hidden]

Hiya, this is a difficult time of year for many people, as there is so much expectation that we should be happy and that can lead to stress. I think you should take your time to decide what exactly you want. You say that you have split up because of 'a lot of problems' and you are 'arguing'. Perhaps you should list all these problems and the causes of the arguments and decide for each one whether there is a solution that you would be happy with. Only you can answer this, but it helps I think to get a clear picture in your mind of the positives and the negatives. Take care,

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

I think stress is naturally high now for most. I can’t tell you whether to split up without knowing why you sit up, how the good times were versus the bad times. Only you can decide that. You could try slowly dating. Public places. Talking. Figuring out what happened and why and how to make it better. Together. Separately you could journal the situation from beginning to end. Then read it slowly while analyzing what went wrong. It’s rarely only one persons fault. I do know you can’t change him. He can’t change you. If you commit to changing your part and he can change his faults it could work. Each of you has to want to change yourself. I like pros and cons lists. You could do that after writing your story and rewriting the ending. It sounds like you are both suffering so much. It’s never good to make permanent decisions on temporary emotions. You love one another but take it from me sometimes love isn’t enough. You could always go to mediation.

I certainly hope that whatever happens is for the best.

[Rachms11 in reply to Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

Thank u baby your replies x

[Rachms11 in reply to Rachms11]

Lol typo! For your was meant to be

[Rachms11]

Thank u xxx

[dore13]

No one can answer this question but you. You have to weigh the issue out, what is working, and what isn't. The only thing I would advise is not to stay because of how long you've been together. I did that, and was with the same man for 12 years.... It still fell apart in the end.