Parenting: part 1

[Starbrush]

A couple days ago was my 18th birthday. Unfortunately due to the virus and a lot of other reasons I’ve been stuck in my house with my parents unable to do much about the situation. I am currently in a country other than the one I live in, due to being dragged into a car for 13 hours to see my grandmother. I am still absolutely dependent on my parents. Unfortunately I get little to NO money for my commissions and due to quarantine any baby sitting work has stopped. With this in mind my 18th birthday was hell. I haven’t really opened up about this for the fear of the consequences. My mother is very narcissistic and critical of me. If anything so little as annoys her she will explode, screaming, belittling, threats, constant criticism on my decisions and appearance etc. In many ways she uses the “I’ve dropped everything for this??” “You can’t do anything right” or “I love you and do everything for you, but you don’t love me” and a lot of other phrases that are meant to guilt me into caving into what she wants. Throughout my entire birthday, from the second I woke up she was yelling at me, belittling me.. calling me useless, incapable and worthless. I endured this behavior for hours. We even had my “god parents” over for lunch and the entire time if I did anything wrong with my posture or way I spoke I would get retorts and bad looks from my mother. Once the guests left I thought I’d get a bit of time for myself to recuperate. I was wrong, I got more criticism and belittling. I ended up breaking down into tears into the room that I am staying in. The first person to walk in was my father, his immediate reaction was to get upset at me and call me over dramatic, too sensitive and tell me I am stupid for crying over this. The next was my mother who saw me cry and furiously walked away. Then my brother walked in to console me. My grandmother proceeded to walk in a few minutes later to tell me how unappreciative I was of my mother and that I shouldn’t be crying on my birthday because that is hurtful to everyone else. A few hours later my mother called me down. The first thing that came out of her mouth was “You don’t love me” while crying. Mind you, I didn’t say anything towards the belittling, I didn’t yell back, all I did was cry in the room allocated to me. It’s not surprising to me anymore. I know that they still provide so much for me and I have a lot to be grateful for but I will never be enough for them. I’m still so dependent on them financially too. I’m scared of anything wrong that I’ll do. Any wrong decision, any wrong word out of my mouth. They aren’t horrible parents but I feel suffocated around them. I know they do this for my own good and that I need to grow thicker skin. It’s already hard trying to heal from everything that happened outside of the house, it’s even harder realizing that their behavior has contributed to my insecurities and low self-worth.

[brokenlight]

Happy belated Birthday

[Agora1]

Happy 18th Birthday Starbrush x

Sorry that it wasn't the birthday that you so deserved.

One day you will become that strong confident person

because of what you've been through. It's not right that

you are ganged up with those all around you but know that

you won't always be depending on them for your livelihood.

As difficult as it may seem right now, start working on yourself.

YouTube is a good place to start. There are many videos on loving

yourself and being confident. Affirmations are a good meditation

video to listen to until you believe each and every thing they say.

Your mind will get stronger and you won't feel so insecure. Your

self worth will rise as you become who you were meant to be. xx

[Starbrush in reply to Agora1]

Thank you, I am working on myself, I’m hoping that in the upcoming years I can find a way out.

[Theloudone]

Happy belated birthday!

I’m sorry that your parents can’t give you the emotional support you need.

You definitely don’t need to “grow a thicker skin”

Some people are sensitive and have more empathy than others. (Such as myself) We feel things deeper and it’s okay to cry.

If that is “upsetting” to them- that’s on them!

Keep your head up starbrush!

[Starbrush in reply to Theloudone]

Thank you I am trying to focus on blaming myself less... I’ll try to keep my head up

[1OshunDreamer]

Star I'm most likely your mom's age but I know how you feel. My mother did the same thing to my sister and I as kids and still has not stopped. I've learned over the years that she is my biggest trigger for anxiety. However, we are in unpressident time now and you are not alone. Anxiety levels are very high now with all that's happening in the world.

Where you are now is there a stay at home order in effect? If you're allowed out by the government, go for walks ot to a park, chat with neighbors, anything that will get you out and away for a while will help.

[Starbrush in reply to 1OshunDreamer]

Thank you for reaching out to me, fortunately I am legally able to go out. Unfortunately, my parents still control where I can go. They will only leave me out for a few minutes and if I don’t come back by the time they said.. they’d get pretty mad. Fortunately my only way to cope right now is my art and going for a quick jog.

[pam4him]

Happy Birthday! I'm not sure what country you're from, but in the U.S. you are an adult. I noticed several things about your post. I think mom learned her behavior from grandma, and it appears to really be taking a toll on you. I'm sorry it's been such a difficult upbringing. It's okay to acknowledge you'll never satisfy them. It's pretty much impossible to live up to any one else's expectations of us. Been there, couldn't do it, felt like a failure. It took some time but I started figuring out what MY expectations of ME were and working on those. It takes time and work, but it can be done. Maybe take some time to decide what you want to do in life for you, and a plan to achieve it. I pray you can find some relief from this and support for your aspirations.