Hi, I was reccomended this site by a social worker. I'm hoping maybe to find support on here. I'm a 21 year old female, and I've struggled with anxiety pretty much my entire life. About a year ago I was diagnosed with postpartum depression. Soon after, I started getting sick, and on December 3rd, 2019 I went into the hospital after coughing up blood for two days. I was then told I was in renal failure and had sepsis throughout my body and was put on life support. I had to undergo countless blood transfusions and plasmapheresis, as well as dialysis while I was in the hospital. I was away from my son for about a month, and it seems like during that time apart we just lost the close connection we had. I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease called aHUS which causes my white blood cells to attack my red blood cells. I have to have infusions every two weeks and even then, any kind of traumatic event or sickness could put me back in the hospital.
Since I got out, I've been struggling alot with coming to terms with all of this. My mom, who I had to live with after I got out, refused to believe I have aHUS, and it caused us to fight quite often. Now she and my two sisters refuse to talk to me, and I don't really have any friends to reach out to. My mind is in a dark place and I just need to vent. But I feel like just trying to talk to someone puts a burden on them. I keep having episodes where I zone out and it feels like I'm in the backseat while someone else talks and walks for me. I'm scared of it honestly. I've had thoughts of self harm. I know better than to act on them, but when those little voices in the back of your head keep persisting, it becomes hard to bare.
Sorry, I needed somewhere to vent. It's all becoming too much.