Numb

Today I feel nothing. Nothing is helping me.

Music isn’t soothing me . People are talking but it’s going straight through me..... I don’t want to eat or move or talk. I feel nothing and want nothing. I like nothing but hate nothing. I’m nothing so they’ve all won. All the toxic manipulative people in my past have won . They’ve finally tamed me because now I don’t want to speak up about anything. I am numb . But they don’t even know what they’ve done. Because they’re happily carrying on with their lives. Onto the next victim they’ve moved. They don’t even know what they’ve done to me.

I was full of life. Now even though I’m so happy with my life and safe and secure....... I’m numb inside and that won’t let me live.

Sorry for rambling nobody will probably read this its too long anyway.

[Hidden]

Hey man I'm so sorry you're going through this. You have to stand up for you & fight the good fight for you, why? Because you are special there is only one you! I'm here for you my friend, please hang in there, okay? I wish so for you peace of mind. Love, light & hugs!!!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thanks x everyone on here always makes me feel better x I’m just having a day of feeling pathetic and sorry for myself. Doesn’t do anyone any good

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

You are allowed to have a down day. Be kind & gentle to yourself today! Do something that gives you pleasure! Love, peace, joy, light & hugs!!!

[Hidden]

Hello Hope!

I’m sorry that you’re feeling so apathetic. That’s a miserable way to feel. It sounds to me like you’re dwelling on the past which serves only to keep you where you are. If the people who made you feel apathetic are moving on with their lives, then why can’t you? Don’t take it and accept it as your truth! Make your own truth and move on. They have won only if you allow it. You sound as if you’re giving up and that shouldn’t be an option. You can live if you decide to let go of the past and move on, live in today and forget the past. You need to fight to heal and that includes eating. You can do that. Be a survivor, not a victim!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thanks x I’m just having one of those days where I’m being silly and feeling sorry for myself which is not great ! You’re right on normal days i feel great and I don’t care about the toxicity as long as it’s not around me . But on days like this when I just think in such a pathetic and weak way I get lost in my mind and past x I think it’s because there was no real justice. But on normal days I feel like the justice is the fact that me and hubby are happy and living our dream . I know its all in my head x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Yes! Embrace the positivity and let go of the negative! Focus on your current life!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I know x just hard to control depression sometimes. Such is life

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

It IS sometimes, not our fault I believe.

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

♥️

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

💕

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

You’re controlling your thoughts which can, in turn, affect your level of depression. Think about it!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Okay thanks x

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

((((((Gentle Hug to you beautiful soul))))))

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

Hugs x

[fauxartist]

I can understand that feeling and I am sorry your feeling that way Hope...your just dealing with health issues and on top of it other stuff....but I will tell you what I believe about those that have harmed us..... I don't believe they have won.... even if my abusers were never brought to justice.... I believe in karma. And there will be a time that they do answer for what they have done.

Sometimes we do feel deflated, numb...un-done... but you know this won't last forever....and even if it's just talking about it and sharing here....it's taking another tiny bit of power out of it.....and you have a ton of friends here who love and support you. Your a good and kind person who has had bad things happen, and it's not your fault, and it does get us down sometimes.....but we just manage to go through it....you will come back out on the other side of this kiddo....you got a lot of love coming your way....and that is very healing.... hang in there honey.

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you so much for responding to me Faux. X your words are always so uplifting and understanding x you’re such a lovely soul x so many caring and amazing people on here x

Yes I am usually so strong and don’t care at all about the past ... but theres days when i trip and struggle to get back up x I do allow myself to have these days though as its not good to bottle feelings up x

Thanks x hope you’re doing okay x

[fauxartist in reply to Hidden]

I guess we can look at it as an opportunity to maybe address those feelings a bit more during those days of the blues and sadness....because the reality is....we mourn not having had a normal childhood, and a life without this disease..... and this disease does just make up sad....chemically.... and we just have to get through it somehow....but when your in the thick of it....sometimes we can't see the forest for the trees...and it's just what we go through in our lives.....and yes.....I'm very grateful for people like you and all our friends here who life us up on those days......most of us don't have people in our real world who would, could, or no how to do that for us.....it's a healing place.

[Sillysausage234]

I read it and hope tomorrow is a better day for you ☀️🍀🦋

[Hidden in reply to Sillysausage234]

Thanks Alan you’re sweet

[Sillysausage234 in reply to Hidden]

You too be kind on yourself xx🌞☀️🎧🎶

[rach1402]

They haven't won, you have won, you're still here and you're still reaching out to us so they haven't broken your faith in human nature. Sometimes we have to numb ourselves when the pain gets too much but that's just temporary. With the right help you can get better. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself and avoid the haters. Are you seeing a doctor and/or therapist?

[Hidden]

Oh the days I have been there when my partner would be in the space you are in. She would tell me that there was nothing she could do but lie on the couch and watch bad tv until the feelings of ultimate sadness would leave her. I don’t know what these people from your past did to you, but I wish I could simply wave a magic wand and take away what they did to u along with the pain. My partner was hurt so badly by a male teacher when she was 17. She got so depressed about it for years afterward. She eventually found a counselor and worked and worked her way through the depression through talk and medication therapy. It wasn’t too long before she felt like a different person. It was so beautiful to watch her bloom into happiness. Maybe you should give yourself some time and space to heal, with help from a counselor and maybe some psychotropic medications. And you are not alone - if I were there I would give you the biggest hug! Do take care of yourself. And keep blogging if it helps too!

[Sillysausage234]

🥢🈲🈹🈵😁

[Hidden in reply to Sillysausage234]

😳 my old posts make me cringe ! 😬

[mvillarreal]

Unfortunately, some people can be very toxic and manipulative, and that can put us in a bad place. Sometimes, it can even be traumatizing. I wonder, though, do you have anyone positive in your life? I wonder if spending time with people who really care about you might be a good distraction, at least for a while, from the pain the toxic people have caused. What do you think?

[Hidden in reply to mvillarreal]

Thank you so much for your advice and kind ,understanding response .

This is something I posted over a year ago. I’m far from this situation now . Removed all toxicity from my circle and have a much more fulfilling life thankfully 😊

[sunflower1318]

i completely understand what your saying i’ve felt that way quiet a few times and it sucks to feel that way numb and tired so hard to move so down and depressed the hard days suck just have to pray for better ones to come